(((((((((((((Sandy)))))))))))

how very hard this is for you

praying for wisdom in how you should proceed and co-operation from the rest of the family to do what is best for you mom

She said she will not live with any of us because we'll yell at her. Not true. She said she is the mother and we cannot tell her what to do. She seems extremely paranoid and thinks we are all talking behind her back. She said if she cannot live alone she's going to a nursing home. Heck, at this point I am wondering if she does need 24 hour monitoring?

Sandy, I'm so sorry it's come to this. I hope her Neuro will evaluate her and maybe if she hears it from him that she should live with someone else she'll accept the news better. Keeping her and you in my prayers.

Yea, he hasn't said and said he wont make that decision until he has her results in. The main concern I have is having someone in my home who may or may not become violent and try to kill themselves. She is really talking out of it lately. She said the other day if someone was in front of her she would punch them in the mouth. Ugh. My sister and I are talking now about it.

Keeping you all in my prayers Sandy. I hope your Mom will accept help or at least do as the doctor asks if he thinks she needs assistance or an evaluation. This is so hard to go through. My Dad was very resistent when he needed help. It was a constant battle with him over little things because he didn't want to let go of his independence. But he was a danger to himself... a very difficult time for all of of us.

Wiz, what did you guys end up deciding to do about your dad? I am sorry if you told me and I forgot. We are going to call the doctor and see what they think. I am leary of this doctor because he acts so non-concerned about everything.

Sandy,
This is so hard for you. I haven't been through this...yet. But it is something that I think we all worry about. I pray that comfort will find you and your family soon. We know God has a purpose for all of this... and 'they say' he doesn't give us more on our plate than we can handle. But sometimes, I wish he would give us a platter to deal with it all, instead of piling it on such a small little saucer!

Take care!

Perhaps she should make that choice...either living with you or a nursing home.

My saucer is tipping over! LOL Just talked to mom and she is OK now. She says she just gives up and is letting things go. Not sure what that means. I swear she has multiple personalities since this surgery but thank goodness she is the same person each time and not claiming to be another name. lol I know that's not really funny but honestly at this point I am just laughing because it's much healthier to laugh. I am still insisting on a psych eval and if this doctor says no than for sure I will be finding someone to do it. Maybe she has a chemical imbalance or something that worsened with the surgery.

She has always been a control freak and hated being told what to do but this time, since surgery, it's far worse and I think it's making her mad. Losing everything all at once is taking it's toll on her for sure. I don't know if you guys remember but not even one year had passed since her husband passed away before all this brain stuff started. I think even if just talking to someone it could help her you know? We're just the kids, in her mind, what do we know? She flat out told me I would never know what she's going through. She's right about that and I told her so.

We had to get my Dad a part time helper. He absolutely refused full time help and also refused to move to assisted living, let alone with one of us. His helper's name was Keith and he was a gift from God at the time. He had a very thick skin so each day when my Dad would fire him over something like getting a drink of water without permission, he'd come back about an hour later and sit there until the black cloud lifted. My sister and I had to make the decisions though, such as taking away his car keys, locking his basement door and taking away the key (so he wouldn't fall down there), taking matches away, etc... he was like a "Dennis the Menace" except that he was 92 years old. I loved him dearly and went each week to take him out and spoil him etc... but he was really a handful.

Keith was with him up until the end, and they eventually became quite close. He even snuck Dad's kitty into the hospital when he was in Hospice so Dad could say "so long" before he passed (with the nurses knowledge but you didn't hear that from me).

It isn't easy at all and but I hope it's a bit easier for you and your siblings than it was with my Dad. He wouldn't even keep his thermostat turned up, we had to watch every little thing.

Eventually he developed leukemia near the end before the hospice so his last 1 or 1.5 years were really all that he suffered too badly. Unlike my Mom who was sick for five years before passing from Alzheimer's.