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Old 10-06-2016, 06:05 PM   #1
SlyAaren
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Croatia
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Default It's tough

Hello everyone,

I've been having this issue for more than three years; it closely relates to schizophrenia but I always brushed it off and tried to make the negative symptomes less effective.
Because of how my parents usually treat anything that's just "my hunch", I never really got the guts to actually research on it or tell anyone (or at least not tell it to a doctor) about it.
I guess I should give a bit more info about myself - my name's Arian and I'm from Croatia; according to my (limited) research, I have mild symptoms of schizophrenia. According to google -> which is why I don't feel certain just yet and probably never will be.
I moved a lot during my childhood, my mother wasn't around due to work, my dad didn't try raising my brother and me properly and I was mildly bullied during my childhood. (I'm only saying this because I've read that surroundings might cause problems leading to schizophrenia).
I have issues forming longlasting friendships and love relationships ever since I can remember. About a year ago I was depressed and thought about suicide, but it never came to that extreeme point.
I have asthma and have always been a bit of a sickly child. During my childhood, I had difficulty hearing and because of that I'm very loud to others around me (I try to change that, though).
I can't think straight sometimes and at that point my mind ventures into maladaptive daydreaming, that can last up to about an hour or two. Sometimes I have trouble concentrating.
- Symptoms and timeline:
It started about when I was 12/13, right around that emo stage and cringe binge watching horror films. I was always intrigued by ghosts and stuff, but never really were frightened of them for more than an hour after engaging into whatever media that was connected to horror.
For about two months I couldn't sleep properly, I would hear things move, the floor creak, something lightly banging on the window sill and stuff like that (I would think of scary things though). During that time my night light would be turned on no matter what. A few times I even pushed myself, literally, into a corner and cried because I was scared of sounds.
It would be even worse when I would be alone at home. I'd make sure to turn on every light, close every door and curtain and turn on any media that would be usually cheerful or loud or both. I absolutely hate bathrooms and shower curtains because I constantly think I see shadows behind the curtain or shadows in the mirror.
If the area is too quiet, I would usually start to hear noises similar to a dulled out crowded area.
During my Maladaptive daydreaming stage I would mostly make myself physichally FEEL a presence but never actually hear or see it. I would talk to it but it wouldnt talk back and that is why I'm not panicking when i daydream.
Recently, for about 6 months or so, I've made myself turn off the light and make sure I play some videos in the background. I have slept better since then.
But whenever I'd get attacks I panic and cry myself to sleep or just stay up. Like tonight (it's currently 1am). Researchibf about it just makes me ever more sad.

Sorry for such a long post, I just wanted some opinions on this but I'd feel too attacked if I went to my family or my friends.

Thanks for any answers in advance, I appreciate it. It's tough It's tough

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Skeezyks (10-23-2016)
Old 10-23-2016, 05:05 PM   #2
Skeezyks
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: The Twin Cities
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Hello Arian: Welcome to NeuroTalk! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. (I've only recently joined NT myself. I am a more active member on NT's sister-website... PsychCentral.) You know, from my perspective, it would be inappropriate for me to even suggest a possible diagnosis. Mental health diagnosis is a job for mental health professionals: psychiatrists, psychologists & mental health therapists. I will say, though, that what you describe in your post does not sound like schizophrenia to me. It sounds more like a lot of fear & anxiety.

I have struggled with my own mental health problems for many years. (I'm an older person now.) I can recall, when I was young, having a lot of the same sorts of fears you have. (By the way, I was bullied, both verbally & physically throughout high school.)

Despite my own lifetime of mental health struggles I don't know a lot about psychology & mental health diagnosis. One thing I do know is that trying to diagnose yourself via the internet can be a frightening experience. One can see glimpses of oneself in all sorts of scary diagnosis descriptions. This does not necessarily mean that one could in fact actually be diagnosed, by a mental health professional, as having that particular condition.

I'm not surprised your research has made you ever more sad. I know you wrote you have not had the guts to talk with a doctor, or perhaps even your parents (?) about this. However, you're clearly struggling with what you're experiencing. And so, having the opportunity to talk all of this through, perhaps with a counselor or mental health therapist of some sort, might help you to figure out what's going on & what you can do about it.

I'm not sure what more I can say at this point. I do think it's going to be important for you to work through all of this in some way or other. Writing about what's going on with you can help. So please keep posting here on NT. There are lots of caring & supportive members here. I wish you well...
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