Hi all,

I was just amazed by all of the great information on the forum here and I feel at home. I talked with my Doctor in the hospital about schizophrenia and she agreed that I didn't have it. I told her. So she prescribed me with some sort of psychotic neurosis and I went to court. Then later when things improved I thought...they somehow got it back to schizophrenia. Its interesting because I have a post-traumatic stress induced schizophrenia drug related injury disability.

I'm just glad that the psychiatrist that I saw last understood where I was coming from and I hope you all do also. I try very hard to keep up with things and to utilize the resources. I think that despite the fact that I will say I have experienced "bad" in my time in the hospital for close to two years I also have the knowledge to discern between being bad and doing bad and taking responsibility for my life and action.

In this way I hope that even though everyone is skeptical of me because of my "bad". It was just my bad. Please forgive me.

I guess what's most important to say is that I believe that I ("I" statement") should take responsibility for my own actions despite what they may be.

Thank you

That means taking responsibility when it comes to my illness. I suffer from something called "being stuck" as the Doctor has put it. I don't know if its due to fear or what but I get stuck and can't move at all and don't talk. They said it wasn't schizophrenia though catatonic type. I feel like I am wasting my time a lot. And that I am trapped by all sorts of mental stepping stones...I have a hard time getting over them.

I feel like I'm not being honest with myself all the time. Just today I had to actually realize that I was being honest by some excercises of the mind I guess...just discerning I guess. I have been questioning myself and trying to find the truth for over a year.

I guess it comes down to only a few options, I'm either right or I'm wrong right? I guess I answered my question on that one with Right.

Im right to say that bad part or defect is so hard to talk about but I did it a little bit in this post so Im happy. Im going to go eat worms...just kidding. Obviously Im troubled still and I make a game out of it. But I try very hard not to.

I hope that this has helped explain my situation without being too wordy.

Even though I take medication I have a medication. It all started when I had to actually take the medication. I was getting injections before. Long story.

I started reading some recovery story and it really brightened my day and gave me hope even when I am struggling between drug related injury disability rights and having to take medication for an illness that we agreed I didn't have and went to court.

I don't know how things will pan out. Im just trying to be happy right now knowing that everything in the universe is at peace even. The Hospital can tell and I know. What they say and what they mean are two different things. They might say you're crazy but are trying to help you, right?

The same thing they might give you social security for a drug related injury and still you have to be at the hospital. Maybe I won. Who knows? All I can say is that I am very happy that this has turned out okay and that I still struggle with my "mental afflictions." and try to take the lore out of medicine and be direct with it.

Do you think its possible that I actually was just at the hospital for a drug related schizophrenia and they prescribed the drugs just because they had to? And I just got used to them and then said they worked but argued them in court? Probably probably not. I wouldn't judge such a thing but if I get a better life in the future then I will know what the reasons were. That is how I will know. Best of luck.