So sorry to hear you're struggling with so much, and with pain on top of it. As I was reading through the thread I couldn't help but feel that you may have way too much going on in your life. Each one of those situations, by itself, can be a real physical and emotional drainer and you've got a lot you're trying to juggle. Why so many things? Is there one or two you could stop, even for a short time? Don't feel that you have to be so busy or do so much. If you continue to overdo things and don't take care of YOU, you'll eventually reach a burnout point (if you haven't already), and that is a VERY hard place to get back from. I know of what I speak. I first started getting sick going through graduate school and working at the same time. But, I kept pushing myself. For years I kept pushing, determined not to let things stop me from doing what I wanted to do. I kept my private practice going for way too long after I started getting even sicker, because I was determined not to give in, not to let others see me give up, not to let my goals/plans be messed with. Then the pain began to get worse, but still I forged ahead, almost proud of how much I was tackling and how bad I felt at the same time. Unfortunately, I crashed and burned and it's taking much longer to get back on my feet than if I had started to take care of myself at the beginning. As Mark has said, you need to prioritize what is REALLY important right now (like your health!!), and set the other stuff on the back burner. YOU need to take care of YOU! Sorry to go on, but I don't want to see you get any more depressed or overwhelmed. Take care of yourself, please. That way you can be helpful to people you want to help for many years to come. You can't help others if you're not in decent shape yourself. Hugs

Wow Mark56, Thank you for that reply! I was re-reading my post and yeah it even made me stop breathing a second. I do have way too much going on and way too many people I am dealing with and my priorities were all messed up! So, after reading everyone's replies it gave me some perspective on things. I also went one step further and discussed it in therapy which helped even further. I wasn't able to volunteer today my body was still sick and sending major warning signs to me that I was about to have a break down or something. Not to mention my pain is screaming horrible today way more worse than usual and since I can't turn the stim up it really is not good. So, until I see the neuro next week I am really going to make a conscious effort to put my health first and take a step back. Of course, I still have to do my music theory final this week but I am going to take a break from the support stuff and volunteering. Maybe I take on so much because its really hard for me to deal with all this pain and in a way its a distraction even though its not healthy for me. I even decided to take a lighter course load for the fall semester. Anyway, I am heading to bed so thanks for all the replies and especially the warning about Karl lol. Mark56, pooh_ac, and fionab

So glad to hear you've made some good changes, and esp. that you feel good about those changes. I was worried after I submitted the post that maybe I had come across a little too strong. It's just that I'd hate to see you any sicker or feel more overwhelmed than you currently do.

I know that our pain is what brings us to sites like these, but keep in mind that pain is there for a reason. It's our body's way of telling us something is wrong, to pay attention to something, to get help if necessary. So, while pain can be a pain it is a gift that God has given us so that we know when our body needs help. Feelings of being overwhelmed/stressed are also good in a way in that, they too, are meant to be red flags for us to pay attention to. Unfortunately I think in our society being burnt out or stressed out is almost a badge of honor about how much we're doing, how much we're succeeding. Please take this time to reflect on how you'd like to find a healthy balance, not just for this Semester or next, but for the rest of your life. I'm so glad you have a therapist to talk to and your husband sounds super. Hang in there, and while you clear your plate of the not-so-important things, or the things that can wait till later, enjoy the breathing room and focus on de-stressing and getting your health as your main priority. You can do it...I have complete confidence in you

I just wanted to share that I ended up with an A- for my piano part final! Now, I just have to do really well on my music theory final and I will have a good grade So, I have to study a lot the next few days! I am in a lot ALOT of pain though and my movement is starting to get really bad with my right leg so that is a disappointment. I am so anxious about the appointment with new neuro on monday but I have been making a plan so I am not so nervous with my therapist. I also got up the nerve to get a gyn (new doctor) appt for the end of august and actually that was really scary and I never thought I would have to have that type of appointment since I did have everything removed back in 06. I do appreciate everyone's support and encouragement. I really am working on not overdoing things or having too much going anyone. I guess sometimes I forget or want to forget I am a sick person and try to do everything the non-sick me used to do. I mean I know with pain what I can or cannot do because as (fionab) said my body is telling me but with the other stuff I do keep pushing and it makes me feel worse. It doesn't help to have your mom and everyone saying that in order to be a good housewife you have to clean and have dinner ready everynight I could not even get through the dishes tonite! I will probably not post again (unless I get replies of course lol) until my doctor appt to let you all know what happened. But, I will be around so don't worry and I will check on everyone else still too. I want to give back all the support I have gotten from everyone to everyone else that needs it(did that make sense). big to everyone on the SCS board!

You are right Tara, the need to pay attention to matters personal, husband, and home override all else. Do pay attention there. Be careful with yourself because you know the limits of your body. Don't overdo. Rest. Rest. Rest when appropriate.

A- is a good grade in anyone's book! I am thrilled for you! Theory and everything else will come into place. The appt monday, your appt later this month, ultimately the corrections you need to your stim if docs agree. All will be well. Praying for you in all things.

May your life be blessed.
ASAP,
Mark56 PJ

P.S. This is a comfort post, do not reply.... rest!

Congrats. on the great grade!

Hang in there, pace yourself and get some rest.

Just wanted to let you all know that I actually got an A on my final which bumped me up to an A for the overall class! I worked really hard for that and my husband even bought me flowers to congratulate me I really needed this because I have been very sick and of course in even more pain Well, at least I can (kinda) relax for now. I will be back after my neuro appt on Monday and let you all know what happens and then maybe my stim doctor will actually fix my unit Take care everyone!

Tara

Well, tomorrow is my EMG and I cannot wait for that to be over with! I know it is not going to be pleasant but I know it has to be done. I just want to get this fixed so we can fix my stim! I am tired of this pain when it used to be fixed by my stim (now named Dooley)! And my doctor's office causes me more stress because I do not think I am getting treated right. They never send my records over to another doctor and when I request anything they are so condescending. I am also mad because I never ever knew or heard of the paddles implant. Now I am hearing other people getting it because they are young and here I am at 27 (when it was implanted) and being the youngest patient she has I have a very active or used to have a very active life so I think they should have at least talked to me about it. I bring it up because if they would have done this type in the first place maybe then I would not keep dealing with my leads moving for the second time! I am so tired of feeling betrayed by doctors and its not just her its other ones too and after what they did to me I cannot have children but yet am still in horrible pain! It just does not seem fair to me. I know this probably does not make sense but it is what I am going through and it is really rough. I should be packing and cleaning to get ready for our honeymoon...I am not looking forward to a 6 hour car ride tho

First off....

CONGRATULATIONS on getting married! That is wonderful!! Your husband is a very lucky man to have found a STRONG (whether you believe that or not!) and beautiful (I know I've never seen you but I feel I know you from your posts and you seem to have such an inner beauty that it has to radiate out!!) woman!!

I'm sorry you've had so many problems with your leads slipping and other health issues. I've had an EMG and I didn't think it was that bad. Now going into it, I was terrified and thought it was going to hurt soooo bad! I was out in the waiting room with a lady who had it done 3 times and she kept commenting on how horrible it was.....each time. Needless to say, I have an active imagination so I had visions of the needles being as big as Northern Minnesota mosquitoes! (If you've never seen a Northern Minnesota mosquito, they are HUGE!! I think they have their own zip code!!!!) Now, my story probably isn't helping you right now but my point is during and after it was over, I realized my imagine was a whole lot scary and painful than the procedure! I think your strength will surprise you!

As far as the paddle, I would certainly ask about it now. If they have to go back in to re-position the leads, why not insert the paddle? They had to cut a little bone out in order to make mine fit so the paddle will always be there but it was certainly worth it for me. The other drawback is that you cannot have any MRI's after the paddle is implanted. So depending on what your other health issues are, maybe that was a reason your doctor didn't think you were a canidate for it. I would certainly think it would be something worth discussing though.

You will get through this just like you made it through your classes! You are strong and you will find your answers! Good luck with your EMG and let us know how it goes.

Thank you so much for your kind reply! I do have a vivid imagination and yes it was getting the best of me! Now, I feel a bit more relaxed about it and will get sleep tonight As far as the paddles, I am wondering if she never brought it up because she herself does not do anything involving bone and the only one who told me was my stim rep. And when I asked her about it she quickly dismissed me and did not even talk about that option. I am having major trust issues with her because when my mom is with me at appts she is really different than when its just me and my husband. Thank you for the advice though and I am definitely going to pursue that option because all my other specialists just do cat scans. Even my heart specialist for my aneurysm checks mine by cat scan so that's a good thing! And without the paddles just the regular stim I was told I can't have MRI's either so I had to tell all my specialists and that is when they said its okay because they will do cat scans. Your encouragement and support was very appreciated
I am really glad to be getting away with my husband for a few days though because the only time we get together is either in the car or at doctor/hospital appointments and school. He is so wonderful though especially because we had to move our wedding date up (after my blood disease diagnosis) and had to cancel our plans of having an actual wedding. It was still great though and we are hoping down the road we can have some sort of reception or something with everyone Thank you for listening to me and making me less nervous I will let you know how it goes!