[bugguy8]

Sorta of a Rant, but more like opening up to help me.

I found a song I like and I sorta feel it was made for me. It's a country song.

On My Highway by Jason Aldean

Maybe you guys/gals could check it out.

Anyways,

Yesterday was an incredibly BAD DAY for me. I have several issue's going on and all 3 produce pain. I have issue's with pain meds, but yesterday was so bad, I broke down and took some even though I paid for it today with an all day migrane as I will pay for it every time I take those dang pills.

The past week, I have broken down into tears several times. It is so hard to deal with the pain anymore. Yesterday was no exception.

Tonight, I finally told my wife how bad it really is and that I have been crying lately. I try not to burden her with my pain issue's, but when I start becoming unbearable to live with, then I figured it was time to let her in on how it has been for me lately. She is a wonderful women and understands my anger and mood.

I am mentally exhausted. physically exhausted, becoming very depressed and when someone decides that having severe migranes all day is better then other pains, then the issue's is becoming more and more intolerable. It's 2:30 am know and I am unable to sleep because of the pain.

RSD Pain: 4 out of 10
Ankle Pain: 7.5 out of 10
Lower Back Pain 8 out 10
Migrane............ SUCKS

Unless my doctor will prescribe something more potent then ocyocodone (gives me the migranes) or Darvacet (doesnt work) then I will be in my own hell for years to come.

This is really starting to effect my marriage as for the past year I have only slept in our bed in as many times as there are fingers on my hands. I toss and turn because of the pain and lay there for hrs and hrs.

I really think that the SCS is my last resort.

I will have to be blunt with my doctor when I see him about prescribing me some pain meds that will help me until I can possibly try the SCS.

It is a battle with WC to get them to do anything. They have yet to set my pain management doctor appointment and they approved that doctor over 4 weeks ago. They will continue to stall and only cause more issue's to my health. I will become more depressed, cry more and be in constant pain.

But I promise all of you, I will fight WC every step of the way. Too many give in to them. I wont be one of them. They sit behind a desk and dictate what medical treatment they think is best for you when your doctor advises them you need this as soon as possible. And even when they do approve something, they stall more and more so they don't have to pay for it in hopes you will just give up.

Not me.


They are the Lion. But I am the thorn that will remain stuck in the Lions Paw. The mouse won't be able to remove this thorn.

[Rrae]

I was just about to log off when I saw your post!!
I actually did a 'double-take' because so much of what you said is what I was saying several months back!!
I truly thought I was on my way 'out'.....as I could not handle this type of life any longer......i was at witts' end!!

I'm so glad you've shared......PLEASE feel free to 'rant'...! It's not a 'rant' in our eyes.....we KNOW the hell you are in right now and it's a circle of maddness that seems to have no end!
By getting on here and sharing like this, you are helping others to realize what this is really like!! To someone who doesn't have a real grasp on what real chronic pain is all about, it's basically like trying to get thru to a brick wall. Most people here at our wonderful forum understand the depths of agony this reaches...like you said, it spills over into our marriages, our jobs , our entire quality of life! It is no joking matter, by far!!
You are SOOO at the right place by being here!
My hope is that (maybe wishful thinking?) somehow some of the medical professionals involved in this line of work would actually read some of our posts and realize how detrimental this is.....

Maybe it's not for me to say, but from what I'm reading, you are in 'crisis mode', or close to it. In view of this, maybe you oughta aggressively seek out your own private pain specialist who can help you out here. Waiting for the WorkComp will only prolong your agony....and your life is much more precious than this!! Like you said, they will only drag this out.
You can't keep going on like this!!
You've served in the military!! You 'KNOW' what real strength and hard work are all about! This chronic pain nightmare will crumble a man, even one of your stature!! I can't stand to think of this happening to you!!

I'm glad you've started opening up more to your wife about what this is really doing to you, because maybe chances are she didn't comprehend the complete spectrum......maybe she thought you were being 'distant' or 'cold' and it could wreak havoc on a marriage! Communication is OH SO important and especially with what you've been dealing with! You can NOT do this alone! It's OK to CRY!! Don't try to 'hide' that!
This is a prime example of how devestating this is to a human being!
These workcomp people NEED to 'see' this side of the story!!

Thank you for opening up here and sharing this with us. I know others will latch on to your thread here. We KNOW the silent agony that is involved with these pain conditions!
You really NEED a doctor who comprehends exactly what you've shared in your post! They need to realize that the meds you are on now make you sick. There are all sorts of options in pain relief! You need an advocate!
PLEASE don't wait around for the WorkComp......if it were me, I'd just bail ship and use my own insurance ...... at least for this acute pain you are dealing with.......
This is just my heart speaking.....maybe there are circumstances that would work against you if you take what I'm saying as legitimate advice. I don't claim to know anything involved other than it is so WRONG for any human being to be suffering to this degree.

PLEASE seek out somebody credentialled who can help advise you on what your options are.
YOU NEED PROPER PAIN MANAGEMENT!!!!

ok, i'll simmer down now
I'm gonna check out your song you shared at the beginning of your post.....then I'm gonna go to bed and say a prayer for you.
You need answers, my friend.
We care

Rae

[Mark56]

But Bugguy, you are able to go through the VA as former military for care also are you not? My brother and uncles as former military use and have used VA for their care. Just a thought on that point.

Rae mentioned private insurance if you have it, and that brings another thought to the fore. The notion is to get CARE. You are not getting care of the sort and with the quickness you need, and frankly, that may have to do with not being the patient of a pain management doc, a physiatrist. That is how and where you will be able to receive the meds more responsive to your needs as a patient.

Also, a question here, if you are being stalled by WC, do you have a WC lawyer pressing home your case? If the only person fighting for you vis-a-vis WC is you, then you may be giving in to their whims and schedules without an advocate. Gosh, every place seems to have such practice specialists, no matter where you are.

Rae is so on target with her comment about communicativeness with your wife..... she, your wife, is your most important means of emotional support, your anchor, your advocate. Heck, I have, well because my wreck injuries were so many and so severe, had my wife with me in the doc's office as my memory, my advocate, the one who would press the doc if I did not think to "well how about trying this treatment on this guy because he HURTS ALL THE TIME!!" Sharing with her strengthens your marriage because she then KNOWS you need her, really need her, and every spouse has a need to be needed. Separation from sleeping arrangements due to your pain profile can surely set the stage for further distance in the relationship if she is not on deck with you in this fight against your pain. Not barging into your relationship here, just giving some thoughts from one who has been there a LONG time.

Life is too precious to live it in misery if you do not have to, reaching out for your wife, for help waging your case before WC, for help getting in front of the right docs, that is what will take you to the next level.

Care for you Guy,
Mark56

[bugguy8]

Thanks for the replies.

Yes I can go to the VA for care. But only for what the issue's I got while I was in service.

The most pressing issue is WC related.

On a GOOD side note... I finally have my appointment set with a Pain Management Doctor next month.. Found out just a few hrs ago.
Took WC a month to make it after they approved it a month ago.


My wife understands alot, but I tend not to share the pain part as much as I should. I think that one of use being concerned, stressed and depressed is enough. I have opened up more to her and when I told her about the pain and crying, it felt good.

She listened and we talked. It was a good talk and went along ways.

We both understand that the accident a few years ago is the cause of our current problems and that our love for each other is still as big as before.


Everyone here is great. Regardless if you think your comments are harsh or pushy, they are all welcome.

No comment can hurt me as much as what I have went through the past couple of years. So let em rip.

to everyone

[Rrae]

.....as a humorus side note, ...... there was a period of time that i DID sleep seperate from my husband, but it had nothing to do with pain.....
it was because of his S N O R I N G !!!

HOLY COW!!
Well, it amazes me how simple some solutions can be.......
I still laugh as I tell people 'a simple set of earplugs saved my marriage'.

[tchr012]

Hi Bugguy, I am so sorry that you are going through this and it is hell! I understand you not wanting to burden your wife with your pain I feel the same way too. It is hard because I feel like I put him through enough already with doctors and appointments and surgeries and meds but like everyone said your spouse is a very good source of support and they cannot help you if they do not know what is wrong. So the more talking and sharing you can do the more it will help the both of you! I am finally talking more with my husband and it does help although there are times I just can't and then I reach out to my therapist or someone else so that might happen to you too. And like Mark56, my spouse is my advocate and does go with me especially because some doctors walk all over me but also because this process is scary and a lot of times when I am in pain I cannot keep track of what they are saying to me . I hope that you are able to get a good pain doctor that can understand what you are going through and be able to help you! I think that this site is such a great support and it is good to have a place you can vent and rant and people won't chase you away or dismiss you! You will be in my thoughts and prayers! Take care of yourself~Tara

[fionab]

Not much I can add that others haven't said. Did want to throw out a possible alternative to your current pain meds. as I, too, have horrible time with any pain med. I discovered Dilaudid in a suppository form and I take it along with a phenergren suppository, which really helps nauseau that the dilaudid can produce. Not a nice clean way of taking meds., I know, but if it hadn't been for these two suppositories, I'd be stuck with pain meds. that make me feel HORRIBLE, act horrible and want to just give up. This way there's less side effects and more pain relief as the meds. don't have to bypass the GI system.
Just a thought.

[Mark56]

Hello Guy-

Here's hoping that today is a better day!!

ASAP,
Mark56 PJ