We stayed away from worship last Sunday out of protection of my body. The Sunday before, I had asked parishioners not to touch my right arm.....some did so anyway. I know they were reacting in a "want to give you love" modality of care. The pain was worsened by the caring touch.

The pain has worsened to the point I am barely able to finish a workday. It is severe. On one of those doctor office point charts of 1 of 10, mine is probably 11. The illustration is the last two evenings I have broken down sobbing as Cleo and Emily try to console me. It hurts.

So....the rub. Tomorrow afternoon, Monday morning, and next Thursday morning, I have minor surgery. Each of the Thursdays will be surgical injections in the spine. Monday will be the final surgery to make larger my esophageal opening into the stomach [due to acid reflux scarring which narrowed it]. The two Thursday events hold the prospect of lessening the pain quite a bit. This is something I approach with ambivalence, because Doc said if it helps a lot that is a dead giveaway my failed cervical fusion is the culprit causing pain by allowing micromovements of the unstable and spurred vertebrae. The next fix then is a serious fusion with rods and screws from the posterior neck. You know from my history this is a difficult one to recover from.

So, if you are like me, you are dreadfully tired of having this matter go on for years and years. I am also tired of it. Please pray it be the Lord's will this matter resolve. Of course, I agree with the Lord's will. That is fundamental to my being.

I do not like surgery. I am not fond of hospitals. I would just like the pain to stop.

So, some of you reading this may feel put off by the faith stuff. To economize on my arm, I copied a message to our church here. I am not proselytizing. Believe what you will, or not. I am not wearing my equanimity hat right now.

Agape,
Mark

Dear Mark,
So happy to hear from you and so sorry that I feel the pain in your writings. I know the toll it takes on the mind.

Regardless of the reason....I trust your surgeon to relieve that pain...then approach (face off) what is next.
Rest and receive...we are holding you in one big AIR hug.

Johanna

dear friend

thank you for another day
may that monster of pain
be properly squashed
dear friend
it is not what i thought
i am so sorry
so sorry
as i cry out in teas of pain
is something i live with
just took a breather
went to the kitchen
in the refrigerator i go
dropped the corning bowl
of cream cheese
is now shattered and glass and cream cheese
all over the bloody place
i am so unhappy at this moment
i know my surgeon did not mean to
have a patient who suffers as
we i do how does one keep up
i walked away crying harder
i was failed by not having the ability
to drain properly it grew and grew
he drained me when i swelled throughout
the painful uncomfortable swelling
right on the site of surgery and stitches
a picture i have for sure
still going back and forth
should i send him THE picture that
shows the decisions he made were off
i should never never ever swelled as i did
my after care at the hospital was a bloody
mess oh how i wished i fused the first time
so bloody enough about me and my pain
only i and my God no what my pain
i have not really known how badly
it has gotten for you
always blessings for others
and you still suffer the pain i so understand
my arm is just as bad if not worse since surgery
and my neck swallowing the ear
heck i can't stop talking about my own pain
i apologize i'm sorry
posterior
shut the front door
a tougher job for the doc
friend
do you have a long neck
or short
apparently it makes a difference
my thoughts and concerns
are many
my wish it be successful
in the end
that's the bottom line
with much prayer
to a very deserving human

Hey Mark56
I wish that all of us together could just wiggle our nose's and fix everything for you my friend.
I shall continue to keep you in my nightly prayers and continue to pray that all goes accordingly.
Take care my friend !

Speechless....
I'm just so sorry Mark. You have always been here for us when we have faced our difficulties.....I feel so far away. Not even a thousand cyber hugs to you could ever make up for all the love, concern and prayer you've given us throughout the years.

I can't even fathom the amount of pain you've been plagued with. NOT FAIR....simply NOT FAIR. I can't help but ask God "Why YOU"?

Caring,
Praying,
Rae

I am very happy for you Mark.

I am almost four weeks out of recovering from sergery of my unit. I love it. I spent over a decade in constent pain and having to get by one day at a time on pain meds. I hated what my life had come too. I lost a job I really loved. Now I am going to put my life back together.

Good Luck on your new journey

pain 2 bad 2 type.

fusion cerv spine coming again,

can't bear the pain.

sorry

my dear friend
no sorry for all are here
may God breath on you
and the warmth of his
breath never leave you
i wish you and family
a beautiful
we oh so understand
sending love to all

I'm so sorry to read of your pain. Gosh more surgery. You poor man. I've had rods and screws......not nice no. But you will continue I know you will.
Keeping you in my prayers as always.

Take care

Jackie

Oh Lord that sentence cut threw me..."can't bear the pain" .


As Easily as you have been here for us Mark....we are here for you.

Thanks for the update....just heal and care for yourself our friend.

Johanna