your message comes through
as gerry reminds me the deceiver
never to far away
thank you for sharing
may your pain be replaced
by healing hands from above
my Cleos touch remind you
you have someone who loves you
may the pooch lick you till you laugh
although it even hurts to laugh
Samson must be a strong young
little thing you just want to
cuddle with and play
when Eva comes into bed with me
she goes nuts
showing off what she can do
like standing on her head with
her legs planted firmly not to loose
her balance bent over looking for me
in approval of her accomplishment
oh how i love it when she is all
tired out and just lays next to me
can't pick her up way too heavy
the more for me to tickle
Gerry thank you for your reminder
as the deceiver is always on the
lookout
in God, Jesus, Holy Spirit and
Mother Mary i trust keep us safe
may your day be easy on you
mark i am in bed 95% of the time
when home a life not for me but
it is what it is
next weekend my sister
and daughter Christine
will do the jersey shore
as Corissa an i watch Eva
the sun is changing
as the earth tilts
before you know it
Thanksgiving and the holidays
another year
i need to still do so much to
the apartment maybe when
Corissa starts school i'll then
try what i can
being a perfectionist doesn't
help in my condition
promise to take it slow
and with my new team of doctors
to guide and support me
and find out what went wrong
i still wake up every morning
in tears awaiting for my meds to kick in
and swear up and down
what did he do to me
the last time i seen my neurosurgeon
gave me a script 10-18-11
never to hear from him ever
as my hiccup cancer was arrested
and in addition not even
final closure as if all okidoki
no need to see you ever again
painful resentments
took many of my passions away
from me and most important
he lied to me over and over
enough already

have a blessed beautiful
as pain free as possible
happiness where ever you
can get it and let it wash
over you

so many in pain
Lord hear our prayers

dear friends

a place i can count on
as i can't explain it
though i might make sense
to another crying heart

cannot put my finger on it
as the tornado continues
to wreak havoc all around
my family

all i can do is pray pray
pray
oh LORD hear our prayers
i feel i am loosing it
as strong as i may be
my prayers with my
God
the wishes and dreams
i have all have nothing
to do with me
i am responsible
and i LOVE my GOD

PHYSICALLY
i am rotting day by day
after several attempts
with surgery
i have firmly decided
NO MORE SURGERY
answers to what went wrong
pending new doctors
and their test again
till then my life seems
so sad
for i am sad
most of my waking life
my baby girl and i
are it right now
loves of mine
BABY EVA
SIR OLIVER
who give me joy
as much as i miss
my job and the
everyday routines
in my life has all
been taken slowly
as my body does what
it is doing i have no
control of it and every
thing to follow
slowly as i rot
more difficulties follow
my hips have been a new
addition to the "multitude"
of problems my wrists fingers
hands from 100% down to
maybe 20% on good days
tingles of pain as now
in the end
thy will be done
give us this day
our daily bread
LORD i thank and praise GOD
your father
MARY your mother
is my daily bread
as all is real
and i BELIEVE
that GOD is in control
and i must obey
blessed i am
as i am a mommy
and grandmother
my children my life

someone who cares

Eva.....

I pray, pray for you by name in my evening prayers. If the pain won't at least subside, I pray for you to feel the joy for the gifts you have been given; JOY enough to overcome this terrible pain and mentally bring you to a place where you know this is only a journey. A journey that will bring the love and heavenly peace of knowing there is so much more that awaits us.


Gerry)

dear friends

thank you Lord another day

my pain level reached a point
of insane
my balloons are not symmetrical
the right one still aches and is red
take my temperature normal
my throat still painful
having the tube down my throat
oh how i loath the or room
the taste of the of the meds
in the back of my throat
the constant sweats
form the tamoxifen
irate as heck when its happening
no control over my body
HURTS EMOTIONALLY
AND DRAINING
AS THEIR ARE WOMEN
WHO EXPERIENCE THE
SAME HATS OFF FOR
THE WOMEN IN THIS
CATEGORY
i have a strong will
that seems to be fading
blessed in many ways
to have my eyesight
to have a voice
to be able to move some
when heavy duty meds kick in
is still a privilege
and all in the name
of GOD i am thankful
it is not my wish
that after all that has happened
i get angry
yesterday was tough
today a challenge
all the same
different day
let me be grateful
not angry
i never imagined
my life in this state
i have sacrificed many
and was not selfish
i dedicated my life
for my family
and yet all are suffering
one way or another
it always ends talking
of my children
because i have no significant
other and that by choice
don't know if i would do it
the same
i at least have comfort
in my rearing my children
alone
another sad day
curled up in a ball
so until the brakes
get done we are home bound

wishing all a happy joyful day
someone who cares

Today our dear Mark is in the OR, and yet he (once again!) lightens our spirits with his wit and humor.
I got a PM yesterday, in which I cannot contain to myself and hopefully dear Eva, it will lift your sadness - as this is the nature of our nurturing brother in the spirit....even in the midst of his own painful turbulance. He had quite the silly episode while getting his pre-op testing done and gave me permission to share...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here I am on the table for the EKG this afternoon for the physical. It is a small room, the table was all of four feet long if that, and they asked me to lay down for the EKG. Cleo was in there. The examining doc was in there. The nurse in charge of the intake was in there. The EKG tech was in there, and things were going haywire!

The doc was asking me whether I had endured any cardiac problems. No. The tech was just beside herself because the rhythms were all bonkers..... I thought she was going to cry. Doc asked, can't she get even a decent baseline on me? NO! I thought they were going to cart me off for cardiac surgery in an emergency....... then........ they started talking about MRI, and I said "Wait a minute! I told you I have SCS implant and cannot have an MRI!"

Then I asked "um, by the way, would it help you if I turned it off, because it is running right now?" They almost ripped the remote out of my hand once I withdrew it from my jeans pocket, and before I could get it turned off. Problem solved. I did not have heart surgery on a healthy heart today.

Now, if this is not a good blessings post for you to drop AFTER you stop laughing....... I will grant you I can do no better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for that Mark . Capturing the 'visual' on this scene has completely made my day.

Anxiously we await an update . And until then, we continue to hold you dear to our hearts...

Rae

oh
thank you so much rrae
made my day
thank you
prayers indeed
go out to mark and family
and all of my extended family
that includes YOU

LOTS OF LOVE ALL AROUND
LORD HEAR OUR PRAYERS

Well thats the best yet!!! and Mark put it so well as you say you could just 'visualise' it all fantastic!

Do hope all goes well for him

Jackie

dear friends

blessed to have another day
as tough as it has been

i am thinking of of our brother mark
hoping you experience as least pain as
possible
recovery was extremely tough for myself
something i pray no one has to endure
but of course not
reality is pain
hope in your sleep sate
there be quick healing
hope all are well
can't wait to see a picture of
Samson

someone who cares

dear GOD

two weeks now
not able to achieve
nada
my body feels as it were being crushed
my hips are acting up so badly
i am tired of the tears
it kills my head
my heart is in pain
a reach to to you
in hope you hear our prayers
God you know my thoughts
they are not what i wish to
even bring in my brain
it is not healthy
it is not what i want
the PAIN SO REAL
THROB THROB THROB
A BODY THAT DOESN'T
LISTEN TO ME
i am so sad
i am so depressed
i am not alone
but i am lonely
i am limited
and it kills me
i have so much to offer
time is so short
living half my life
that mostly was in fear
left at seventeen
and have been on my own since
and i am where i am today
by the GRACE OF GOD
as only you know how tired i am
everything and anything that i
have been through was on
my own
this family is so tiny
its family name
may not even survive
i am sick of my tears
that is all i do
not healthy
not something
Corrisa should see
GOD hear my prayers
take this ache away
my heart broken
in so many pieces
many lost and gone
save me from myself
the joy is less and less
as the pain is more and more

blessed i am in many ways
heartache comes with it

help me GOD

I TRUST YOU

AMEN!

BLESSINGS TO ALL

HaHa!! Thanks so much for sharing this with us, Rae! And thank you, Mark, for retaining your sense of humor! For those of us who have chronic pain and a plethora of other "stuff", this is just a gem! I feel like it's so important to be able to laugh, even at ourselves at times, in order for us to heal. It's easy to get on that pity pot and feel like, "why me?" when indeed the question could well be, "why not me?"! Mark, you can be assured that if I ever have a weird EKG when I have (or IF I have) the SCS implanted, I'll be sure to let them know that a little device implanted in my butt/side/tummy just might be the culprit. Hopefully, I'll remember before I get to that point, but ya never know. The older I get, the more forgetful....some of you know the drill.

Hugs all 'round,
Jan