Johanna, it is so much easier than volunteering. Just being present is a great first step. You said you were isolating. First, un-isolate! If this seems more than you can handle, talk to your doctor. It is no shame. I found that between 90 and 95 percent of chronic pain patients experience depression. Some are able to work their way out, some not. I was not and asked for help. I am so thankful I did! By the way, I am being transparent about this stuff because you need to know that you aren't alone. No matter how alone you feel, or want to feel, there is a hand reaching down to pull you up. I just hope that you will have a day soon where you feel good enough to reach out and take it. This situation in which we find ourselves is not an impossible one. As much as it seems so, it isn't a forever one, either. My life is so much measurably better now, and I haven't received my stimulator yet. I have just learned so much from others that I am better at living a life with pain. There are any number of things that you can do, you just haven't done them yet. Don't go out on Monday and volunteer for something. You are likely not ready for the obligation. First, reach out to a friend and schedule a lunch. Then another. When you find yourself able to express, make an appointment with your primary care, even if to be referred to a mental health professional. We have a much bigger bunch of luggage to carry than most, don't try to carry it all - we have help for that '8) Have a great weekend and a better week to come.

Mark

Thank you for helping us all know reaching out in outreach may even be just clattering at the keys on here or picking up the phone to speak with another. When I was at my worst from the perspective of pain in a deep dark place, it was those hands of outreach which, together with aptly applied therapy [as you pointed out] and meds [actually winding down from them totally now under doc's care] the darkness of the Deceiver who sought to end my life pathways was thrown off agenda, totally scratched out his kneeboard, and THEN when I could once again focus on the face of my friend and coach regarding hand he was holding down that deep well, I knew God had told me to get off the bench and reach out in outreach.

I did what you recommend.....

Thank you for sharing it for us again. We need a daily dose.
Amen,
Mark56

Mark, my pleasure. I found out that I needed to take this step at my own speed, much as I expect most of us do. I contacted one of those well - meaning people who had been praying for me. He said, "Call if you ever need anything," so I did. We had lunch together, and it was really very pleasant, and not uncomfortable at all. We both came to the conclusion that spending so much time alone wasn't a good thing, it was really part of the recipe for living a defeated life. Eventually there were a couple friends that I got together with, and then had a talk with my family. First with my wife, who told me straight out that I was depressed, which had never even occurred to me. But, rather than be defensive I decided that, since she loves me and has put up with me for nearly 28 years, I should believe her. I made the appointment and from then on I started getting better. Dr. Greenburg turned out to be easier to talk with than anyone I'd ever met, she didn't pump for information, she just seemed to know where to 'steer' me. I found out that I'd likely been depressed since I was a child, and that I am also challenged by PTSD. One might think that hearing all of this on top of my medical issues I'd feel worse, but the opposite occurred. I began to get better. My progress in the past year has been such that I can truly appreciate the opportunity that I'm being given in this medical trial, and I just feel blessed in every part of my life. It all starts with a single step, and it progresses the same way. I hope this rings a bell with anyone who feels that they're on that never - ending upward escalator where there feels like little progress is happening. One step, one thought, one day at a time and a better life is only a few days away!

Markjens

Same was the case in my life, where my dear blessing of 39 years now had to intercede when I was so so down and isolating....

Then, finding it possible to turn the eyes upward willingly to seek the face of God, I ultimately embarked on a "one step at a time" effort to change my vocabulary of greeting, abandoning "fine thanks, how are you" for "I feel blessed, how do you feel" and it has become a veritable recipe of JOY seeing the twinkle in the eyes of people I know not at all who are so WILLING to share they, too, feel blessed!

It is absolutely infectious,
Yup,
Mark56

I'm terrible at keeping up with forums and I've been dealing with some unrelated health issues that have kept me away, so please forgive me!

I want to thank everyone for their thoughts on this. I suppose I'm more accepting of the fact that a car accident caused this mess, which I had no control over, but that I DO have control over getting the SCS or not. I don't want to regret it.

Physically I COULD do anything I wanted following the permanent implant, my doctor just doesnt advise it due to risk of lead migration. He mentioned that he tells people that the SCS is meant for everyday life, not extreme stuff.

I'm becoming more excited now that the trial is not so far off in the distant future. I want to take up running... something I never particularly enjoyed or pursued prior to my injury, but something that I've grown to appreciate over time. I guess we all want something we cant have! Once I heal I plan to get serious about this.

Dawn't worry about not being on here often. We know you're on board.

Please keep us updated on how the trial goes!!

Rae