And dang it all to heck anyhow!
It makes this friend angry
Reading how you have
Been Worked Over
By
CAREGIVERS
Hippocrates would just die to read what happens with you!

All I can give are hugs, love, prayers, and HOPE
For
A
Better day today for you, dear friend
.... Having a little icon trouble here, but you
get the idea

M56

to the moon stars and back
today we go to the pool
Eva's mom
my daughter will be invited
a day for
mother and child
and i can have a one on one
no phone in the pool
the phone and her obsession
with it is harming her
hindering her
striping her of
a moment when it isn't hooked to her
side or put in her bra
this i pray be good mother and daughter time
as grandchild bonds with mom
in a different pool

it just blows me away
how he stole my thunder

love
me

Dear Eva,

Spitting blood and bile at the way you have been treated, I am so angry on your behalf. This is the treatment I expect from an uncaring, uninvested Neuro, not Doctors who have been with you for the Journey. You deserve much more than this.

I just hope the day at the pool was rejuvinating and uninterrupted by phones.

Dave.

And HUGGING
Can you feel it?
This one's for you, Eva
Yeah, flannel shirt and all,
M56

I tried to explode the hug icon size...that doesn't work. Darn

Oh dear Father
To hear news I could
possibly please possibly
as news like such should
be celebrated
How oh how irresponsible
is this possible news
And the not so funny thing is
I asked her when was her last menses
as she is hormonally charged
SOMETIMES WHERE I FEAR HER
then she tell me the above
She is two weeks late
with Eva's lazy selfish father
So am I upset
You bet
This would in noway be a healthy
situation
Goodness
I told her to please be responsible
Not to mention what ramifications there
could be for Eva
I just don't get it
I just don't get it
Me

((((( Comforting Hugs, Eva )))))

here i go once again
a phone call from my sister
opens up conversation with me
and asks if either one of my children
have begun restitution
the next thing
i'm asked if she could purchase a
computer for my nephew a college
Rutgers freshman student
i agreed as the arrangement
is it will be paid in two installments
a sister very close to six figures
don't have to explain that
the point
purchase made
laptop delivered
laptop that is now compatible
with what's required
for school

i then see on my eldest and hubby
painting their beautiful apartment
a beautiful place
french doors hardwood floors
everybody happy
now i DO NOT GO ANYWHERE NEAR FACEBOOK
it was brought to my attention
that i found out the finally have their own place after
staying with her mother-in-law
for over two years

i am furious my sister needed my password
to download the program for the laptop
i told her
Saraeve was the one to set up the account
i didn't have it
she skipped out on a bill almost two and a half grand
after her last Christmas purchase
remember estranged and stiffed
because
in February i ask how or why did she leave
the mess she left after her "Skyline session"
and how the damage to the floor was enough
they
her and her husband were the last to leave
why did i become the bad guy in this all
AGAIN
how much more could i have done
i offered her my apartment to have her
poetry featuring a poet each month
what the fudge
are you kidding
her and hubby
capable of painting
and where did i get the help
STILL needed
more now then ever
how is it that a child
i mean
a child of mine
cannot see
and they can't
as it is not visible to the eye
my job GONE FOREVER
my insurance GONE FOREVER
my benefits for life
after fifteen years OF service
PUT IN SEVEN AND A HALF YEARS
IN ALREADY
GONE FOREVER
oh i'm so angry
and a sister who is the same as we were kids
only we are adults now
i of all have the least in financial trouble
ALWAYS in excellent standing with my
plastic cards
just cut up the JCPenny card
PAID OFF my sons couch
and am slowly paying what's left
i can no longer make double payments
they let a quarter of a million dollar life
insurance laps in payment
asked them to never let the payments to laps
and if i should ever need any help
to do so
a quarterly charge of $156.00 divided in three
really
TERMINATED after 18 years of putting into it
so there could be something left for them
WHY
WHY
Why hurt the one who has had
her back even now
i was open at what i thought was not a nice
thing to leave for her sister to take care of
who she knows is lazier then her
when it comes to clean up
never in my life
i am struggling
am asked for help again
and my daughter wouldn't now give
my sister the pass word
really
really
now that has successfully been changed
i'm so upset
me

i have been push and pulled
twirled and blown away
with such hatred among this family
there is only so much that this body and soul
the hurt so deep
the wound never gets heal
to feel as i do
and then my grown children who dodge
their responsibility
made a mistake did i ?
they are my children
they asked for help
i did what any parent would
only they are no longer children
to see my eldest able and her husband able
where was the help when needed
it is not a good feeling to have given so much
of me they don't understand my anger towards them
i cannot express anymore then i tried
and tried and tried
am i
should i look disheveled
must i smell of urine
as many cannot bath
i think point understood
as i rarely get to bath
as in sit in the tub
i wouldn't be able to get out
unless
i was sitting on my legs
and my pain won't let me sit
in that position
a position i would be in with children
remembering wrapping the presents
to put around the Christmas tree
how hard i worked to give them somewhat
of a fun life growing
as my kids would now say to me
"mom we never really understood how poor
we were"
i take that
as a job well done
what a shame
many would just assume we had money
but for the only reason

just a blow out wth my sister
be back
me

.....well that was just wonderful
turned out it was one thing on top of another
on top of another and let loose quickly
before she doesn't move
as far as my kids and returning what was mine
for my sister who has been a real turd
even when placing the order
a saving of $62.00 and commented
stuff like
what a big deal
i asked her to shut up
then apologized
for what i thought was rude
really
i'm tired
thanks for letting me share
me

when all is said and done
at the end
i am alone
to reflect
on the day just gone by
i found myself in thought
just a couple of days ago

it was the 90's
things were at a major
turning point in my life
i entered a fellowship
that is still in my life
not how it was in the good old days
situations would keep me from going
nevertheless
and much else followed
only for the better
anyone in a recovery program
understands what i mean
when i say
i am blessed and would not have it
any other way
for it is what i was taught
and applied where applicable
"it works when you work it"

it is out of a deep dark place
i realized
there is a easier softer way
i didn't need a drink to calm down
it was a new way of doing and handling
most all situations
now had a new positive flavor
real stuff
real awesome stuff

so,
having control of myself
myself only
i exercise my voice
and
make no mistake
make absolute certain
i am heard
so therefore
there are no mistakes
where i am coming from

they no where i stand
my entire family that is

i will not ever again
extend myself again
as the pain is that great

i am who i am
i learning slowly
that things have changed
and a turn for the worse
it is the three of us now
three generations
have a new understanding
actually three tries
anyone understand
an appreciation
and understanding
i can understand the type of cries
my children might exhibit
frustration
is not even the word to use here

yet in the end if i or Corissa or Eva
ever to be a thought
is yet to be had
is this what family is about today
lets see what i can take
and abandon ship
as the burden is a result of
financial hardship

it is frightening to say the least
in God i trust
my fear is real
to not take a person that offered to take care of my children and make my life easier was available several times in my life being single
a conscious decision made at the age of twenty four
and again after my seventeen year old

and yet again
after all that was said and done
was done

now sick
maimed as my
breast reconstruction was botch
talked about enough times
and surely
as i express to my shrink
what are the chances of ever having a real
honest possibility is slim

not to make the mistake
the recent friend i mention
someone i went to grammar school with
is someone i can spend that kind of time with
if desired on my part
he was the last i was with before the surgery
he for some odd reason called after to see how i was

this is someone i cannot have the kind of companionship
with as he is divorced and we had such fun whenever together
two or three times a year
and it is like this as what he has to offer is temporary
yet genuine honest and adult
he drinks i do not

now a chance
as i was a thaught
is the one i'd love to sit
and eat crab legs with
and talk about old times
in the end
i have a choice

yet i'm not up to it
he said
how it was a great idea

i'm frightened
does anyone understand

love
me

understood or not
the idea that my child's father
behind my back
trying to have a meeting
with the program Corissa has been going to
i have come to find out
a comment made to her
and it went like this
"you know Corissa,
your mother wouldn't drive you to the
program like i do"
furious is just one of the emotions
i have going on along with all the other bull turd
can you imagine
this i do not take lightly
in fact
Corissa knows via her now addicted sister
my daughter
who i took to the ends of the earth and back
to get her the help she needed
and revisited these places for help
no one not even a judge
and i mean that
if i ever were to have been
taken to court with Corissa's
for her non compliance
not going to class
yet she was in school
i would go to jail
to have to explain a life of a child
that the adults ignored my requests
over and over again
as i was a young mother
with a child that was having problems early
academically a A-B STUDENT
when present

i have my own truth to tell
i assure you no one would listen
when i would give the teachers
the list of trial and error with my
Christine
who still suffers addiction

and i would be questioned
on her behavior
i her only parent who gives a turd
who would go to the end of the earth
and back for
Corissa

they must want it
THEY MUST WANT IT
they are getting it
very very slowly
the desire to do well is present

what the fudge does Corissa father think
is going on
to answer that for him
as i can
he knows zip zero not a thing
how do i know this
i am on the phone with the program
on a weekly basis
he told Corissa he couldn't
take her on Mondays anymore
as it interferes with his Monday night football game
he also has a gambling problem
i know him to lie often
i will fight him
as the program is now aware of him
and his intentions
when i had my job
my insurance covered her
program
now with the state insurance
it isn't covered
i'm over trying to figure out that one
what do you mean the state insurance
would not cover recovery
you got it
something really wrong with that thinking process