It's been 2 days since my little go around with the pain center (who treated me as though I am drug fiend of some sort) I go to till the 28th of this month. It's been a hard couple of days but as I have said I won't beg for pain med's and since all this has transpired I've tried to keep a level head with the world around me.
My youngest daughter (6 years old almost 7) come up to me just before bed last night and said to me "Daddy I love you and miss you" My response of course was what do you mean honey? " I know you have been hurting because you always seem like a different daddy when your hurting " I couldn't do anything but hold (cry for a moment) her and apologize and tell her I will work on being the daddy you are used to and yes daddy is hurting. Amazing how children that live with a parent or parents in our case that deal with pain day in and day out become so in tune with the way that pain effects either one or both of their parents at such a young age. I have to give her credit were credit is due her brother and sister (which are much older 25 & 21) never had to deal with anything like what she has experienced because we where so young and in much better condition then. As I have stated before I'm looking forward to the SCS trail for the simple fact to see if I maybe can get a little part of my life back from this monster! that has consumed a large chunk of my life and who has also has stolen my little girls Daddy from her when it decides to rear its head . I might be but a shell of the man I once was at this point and time in my life but I REFUSE to be beaten by something that can not been seen or that messes with my little girls childhood. She shouldn't have to understand how debilitating pain can be at such a young age. She should be worrying about if her friend down the street is going to be home tomorrow and be able to play so she can also show her that she to has lost her front tooth (which did happen last night of course right before school starts ) Anyway after last night I have adopted a new mind set and a new persona of a monster slayer no matter how much it hurts I'm going to purse this monster that lingers in the dark. I will hunt it down and slay it for the sake of my little girl.
I know that an scs device may not take away all the pain but if it can reduce it so my little girl can grow up with a father similar to the one her brother and sister had then by all means where do I sign one the dotted line ?
Messy Mark ©