I've just been admitted to another private hospital St John of Gods Murdoch. the doctor who just saw me said I've had some vertebrae disc slippage and gone into severe spasm. About to put me on morphine and medazolam drip so I'll be non compos with the the medazolam as we all know how it affects me. My pain score is a 10, if they can't get it under control will do an MRI on Monday x

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Can't get a canula in my veins have collapsed so they've given me morphine injection, 2 x 5mg Valium and 1 ondancetron for nausea. Hopefully they will try the canula again later as I know the medazolam will work. The pain hasn't abated one bit, tried to take me to the toilet and my right leg gave way again & my bladder has decided if I want to hold i absolutely have to go or I'll have an accident. Apparently that's indicative of muscle spasm either nerve trapped. .....

Pam,

Was your Mother able to be there with you?

I can somewhat relate of sorts what you are going through. When my L4-5 vertebrae slipped, the disc caused pressure on the spinal cord. I remember it was almost impossible to move without just about screaming.

Hopefully by now they were able to get a canal in your veins. Not the same having the morphine injections. For me the morphine injections were like having nothing for pain; which also seems the same for you since you are having absolutely no relief.

I know you are worried about what is going on with DB especially his feeling of helplessness. He must be somewhat relieved you have been admitted into the hospital.

Pray you continue to have the strength and courage to cope with all you are going through.

Gerry

Yes mum came as well, was comforting to have her here. The pain lying down is a 7 or 8 as soon as I move about. They've just given me dome more pain relief it'd knocking me out do I'll write again later xx. At least I managed to sleep last night.

Irony, it's a funny thing. Before we left the house my mum said will I being over my walking frame. DB said NO we have enough stuff of yours and Robs here, will all respect Betty, when we need our own, we will get our own. I know he was referring to the shower stool stuck in the back bathroom, it's hers, uts been here since my cousin Billy arrived last year for a supine bithday visit. But as she has no room in her house she decided in a fit of gerenroisty oh I'll give it to my daughter she'll need it one day, not for one moment thinking she is 86 and I'm 56 ... anyhoo, DB emphatically said no, I think a part of him lives in fear of when they say the time for the wheelchair has arrived.

So we arrive at SJOG Murdoch I'm hanging off of his back using my walking stick to the point of bending and I confess it's probably not the best of looks. So days pass and I won't bore you with the other than they have been filled with excruciating pain and very little joy. But, a walking frame seems to have made its way into my room, bought by one of the nurses, it seems to be a permanent fixture, I got old off or using the walking stick yesterday

And then today arrived, I've had many X-rays nuclear X-rays and all number of tests.

So my hips are (both) lit up like Christmas lights where the titanium bits all but what has been removed, (left behind for one reason or another) but due to various problems bits and pieces (thin shavings, 1/2 pedicle screws etc were left behind) So, not only do I have bone and arthritis problems, it seems I may have a touch of titanium blood poisonining thank you very much. No wonder I feel like death warmed up so much, no wonder I don't get good consistent blood results every time. So today I had to have an AWAKE nerve injection. They assured me it will be ok, they neglected to tell me I will have to lie on my stomach for over an hour ( I struggle with 15 minutes) so, in the end in tears, I consented. They must think so little of us older ones addled in pain, I thanked the lovelady who could see just how bad a state I was in while in the SKG room. She handed me tissues, she helped regulate my breathing, she held my hand and in general squeezed me when the pain was so bad I let out an involuntary low moan. In all the procedure (targeted injection under fleuro) took well over an hour, that's over an hour of me lying on my stomach awake. As you all know I struggle with 10-15 minutes. Normally I'm would have been be sedated. But today, for whatever reasons, school holidays probably, no one was available to knock me out. They gave me 10mg Valium, 40 minutes later they realised nope it's not working, I don't even look like I'm nodding off in anyway.

They huddle again and agree to give me alprazolam, my dreaded drug, how I dislike it. Anyway, it soothed me a little, but in no way knocked me out. I felt even the peircing injections including those that are supposed to provide numbness and then the large (super large) needle as it threaded itself into the bone, I felt it makes its way all the way in. So here I am back in my room. I'm quiet, I'm in shock I think. DB stayed for a while but he fell asleep and I said with this weather you're best to go home. He has apparently in the last two days moved all the furniture back into the house and a friend has been and helped him put the beds together. The windows and grooves have been cleaned. All that needs doing now is the screens replacing where the cats have destroyed them, but that's a different day / conversation, he's tried his best to put me back into the house so I have somewhere safe and warm to sleep. Isn't that nice of him.

I'm going to get the doctor who did the procedure today, I want her name so I can write her and thank her, I so think it is importnant those doctors who so often are forgotten due to sedation get some form of thank you and recognition.

I have also name of the doctor from last week at RPH I'm going to wait until I'm walking a little better and I'm going to take my X-ray results and asked her to read them. If she won't, I'm going to give them a copy of my letter addressed to her with a copy to her boss. I'm thinking of contacting the news as well. She deserves to be ashamed of herslf. I know they face drug addicts all day long, but we are not all drug addicts, some of us are genuine. I wonder if I had been so subdued by her and her treatment and taken taken her at face value how much damage today blood poisoning would have done, I wonder if I would be walking today.

To the lady of RPH - I bet you are sleeping well at night, I want you to know sleeping well is a luxury, and I hope for you there may be perhaps 25 years more luxurious sleeping (but for the grace of god) there may be you in 25 years time if you succumb to the young leading doctors of their time who promise the world; who seem to promise health and happiness. Notice I didn't say wealth. Wealth never factors into it, I just wanted a good life, able to come home from work and provide for my family. I didn't get that, I got instead broken promises, lies and more lies. Mostly from people just like you there, that familiar treatment with disdain.

I will well remember your face young lady. I hope your future family don't remember it as I do, the look of disdain and horror as you wished someone would just take me away from your space, and believe me I want invading it. I was too much in pain to step even remotely close to someone. I was embarrassing you with my tears of agony. You didn't want to know me, you were not remotely interested, I was an inconvenience. Poor poor you.

SLEEP
PRECIOUS SLEEP to a sick body
You are not alone dear ear Pam
There are many here I haven't touched base with like I have
As typing is a problem
I don't think I'll ever get it right
Thinking and praying for them too
You are a strong woman Pam
Glad mum can be there for you
Love
Me

So I've asked mum to bring over the walking frame. The facet joint injections already wearing off. I'm due back at work on Monday, the RGM told me 10 days ago he didn't want to see me again until I'm 100% fit. Well that's not going to happen. I sent a what I thought was a lovely thank you email / note to the staff who bought me home and cared for me while waiting for the ambulance along with thanking the staff who assisted me to leave the office that day. I sent it cc to the RGM, they are his staff after all, and I made a point off saying if I had known I was going to deteriorate so quickly through the day I world never have gone in. His reply of he did not to see me in the office again until I was 100% fit was cc to both the CEO & COO. I spoke to the RGM on Friday, I said I was coming in Monday, he asked if I was well and I replied I'm as well as I'm ever going to be and added, I'm no worse than when I was employed. I don't have a good feeling about my future in the company, so much is happening, we're cost saving where we can. As you know my colleague and I are waiting each day to be told our jobs are no longer required. I think this last hospital stint has done me no favours. Feeling sad and sore.

I got my new meds regime on a Wednesday, I was horrified, I could start a pharmacy, I'm on 2x temgesic sublingual every 6 hours, 10mg oxy & 10mg Valium every 4 hours and 1 x 20/10 Targin every 8 hours. I came home with 10 boxes of 10mg oxy, 2 boxes Targin, 1 box of Temgesic and a bottle of Valium. All that effort and angst I put into reducing my medication done for nought. The SCS s doing NOTHING for the L4/5 S1 Facet joints. I feel like I want it removed, I can't see the point in having it when it's not doing anything for me, my upper thoracic pain is still there - albeit we know it's referred but still, I can't have MRI scans, it's a palava in the hospital with it so maybe I'll be better off getting it removed and replaced with the new version that allows MRI's.

I'm so confused, concerned and overwhelmed.

Pam,
What was the RMG's response when you said "I am as well as going to be", adding "no worse than when I was employed"???

The 10mg's of Oxycontin every 4 hrs amounts to 60mg's a day which is not too bad; but 10mg's (every 4 hrs.) of Valium amounts to 60mg's which is really very high. I take 5 mg's 2 - 3 per day (usually 2) which can be very sedating; I can't imagine what the effects of 60mg's total per day of Valium would be like.

Also, did you feel the previous SCS was the improvement you hoped for?? Tho the new one would allow for MRI's, you would have to deal with the surgical procedure and recovery which would of course have to be considered in your decision. What a dilemma !!!

Pam, so sorry you continue to deal with all this pain in spite of all the treatment, hospitalization, meds, etc.

Completely understand your being confused, concerned and overwhelmed.

As always, thoughts and prayers are with you.

Gerry