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Old 07-22-2017, 07:32 PM #231
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Originally Posted by PamelaJune View Post
Yes 60mg oxy, plus 60 mg targin (which is oxy with 30mg naltrexone to help with the opioid constipation) and the 2x Temgesic sublingual every 6 hours adds up to about 140mg heavy duty opioids again over 24 hours again. All which you know I subjected myself to the horror and angst of withdrawal. I'm not happy, not happy at all. The 60mg Valium is for 2 weeks only, but yesterday is the only day do far I took the 2 tablets and only just the once. it's an attempt to get the muscle spasm under control. Personally, the neurosurgeon said to me your pain Mgt specialists have put you into the "too hard box". It was so very good of him to take me on and I wish he would consider me as a long term patient but as god said he's busy with actual surgeries not Pain Mgt services. I've just taken a 5mg Valium now and will get the other 5mg out to take with the sublinguals in 30 minutes.
I'm struggling to walk and turn in the bed again, I know I'm going down hill fast and I've booked our 25th wedding break from 19 August to 27 August in a 5 star resort but up North of WA. The weather will be warm and given I'm in Aus if something goes wrong it's not the end if the world. It's only a 2 hour flight. I will take out insurance though, I won't be covered but at least DB will.

The RGM says nothing to my reply, just I hope you're all good Pammie, we will catch up for coffee.

As soon as I arrive it will be obvious, but I'm going to rest today, well sort of, I'll cook a roast pork dinner, and portion off some for mum. But in the main I'll be resting and I'll go to the office at 7.30 so I can get all the printing off the printer and into my office and then spend the day in there. Working in hospital and from home has generated over 200 sheets of paper for printed, the printer will kick in as soon as my laptop powers up in the office with the wifi, so filing 200 pieces of paper will keep me sat with the WC files in my office, I will have phone calls to make and hopefully able to keep to myself. I'm off on Tuesday, (yay the curtains come back) I'm in Weds all day in meetings, I have an appt Thurs afternoon so can work from home before going there and then Friday I'm at appointments 9am & 12.30. Then at 3pm I have one if my friends mothersvfuneral so I should be able to keep a low profile this week.

It's the fact that the pain has returned so quickly has me worried, will they do facet joint injections again so soon, and my PM won't do them at L4/5 S1 at all, point blank refuses, so I might gave to ring Narula the NS and ask if he can refer me for some more "awake ones" my old PM who only works 1 day a week now will go them, but he referred me to this PM I see now for the threading of the 2nd lead. Did I tell you the NS went off his nut about me going Pilates. He was furious. No wonder my back started going down hill again from the time I started the Pilates, and it's what the PM told me to do. He relies on the physio to then tell him where to inject. It all seems a bit weird and given Narulas reaction to it, I can see me seeking a new PM and fast. Of course I won't get in before we go away so lots of prayers needed xxx

Pam,
After your previous experience with steroids; just wonder about doing them again so close; especially since even the root injections only lasted a short time which led you back to more injections.

Glad you aren't going to be taking 60mg's a day of Valium. I must say tho; the Valium has really helped me with the muscle spasms in my neck and shoulder (Tortacolis sp??

In the opioid column tho; I have tyrated from 240mgs Oxycontin daily to 150mgs daily. Still have terrible issues with the constipation. Taking at least 3 doses of Miralax daily does help keep things moving; but a bit runny (keeps me close to home). After the abdominal hernia repairs in 2015 have to worry about any forcing and the recurrence of the hernias. I certainly understand your reluctance to deal with all that again.

Wishing you lotsa luck with your return to work. It seemingly appears you have organized things to give you some break to not have to get up and move around too much. It's unfortunate; but possibly not working may lessen the rate of progression you are dealing with.

Take care dear friend....


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Old 07-22-2017, 10:43 PM #232
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Hi Gerry, you are such a dear friend, I would be lost without this forum.

I took the extra 5mg Valium with the 2 sublinguals and surprisingly I've been able to move around the kitchen, prep the roast and decant the stew DB started off at 4am this morning before leaving for work at 5am. (He was quite chatty this morning, our little exchange of words yesterday over who is doing what, how much compared to how little had a positive impact.) But the pain is still very noticeable and the minute I sit down, to stand back up it hurts greatly. I'm stiffening up already and I only took the Valium and sublinguals an hour ago.

I think I'll move from the couch to the electric recliner which stands you up. I rarely use it, I did the day mum & DB took me to hospital but I can see it will make sense for to to start to use it more, it marks the wooden floor though. DB bought felt casters for it yesterday and asked me if he held the chair up could I get down on the ground and put the casters on, I just looked at him!

That lead to this dialogue; I'm trying harder than anyone to keep life ticking over in this house when I'm riddled with 24 hour pain & no amount of painkillers offer relief. Im doing washing, cleaning, cooking, making beds, folding clothes, feeding animals, doing their poo and water. I'm stacking and unstacking the dishwasher. I'm taking rubbish out, I'm trying to do all of this with not one ounce of sympathy or empathy from you.

Ask your colleague again what his wife does, how often does she keep the house ticking over including the cleaning and the laundry, what does she do for him and his animals. Remind yourself how shocked you were when you realised how little she does (nothing, not even cook) when your colleague came home from hospital he had to tend to himself and the animals, she sat and did nothing, it's why he went back to work so quickly, he was sick & tired of her asking him to do every little thing.

All you can think about is what your life is like and what your missing out on.

Life is there for living, I'm trying hard not to give up. Live an hour in my shoes and then come tell me how happy it's made you, how it's made you want to have happy cheerful conversations with people, how you've been able to stroke someone else's ego to make them feel good about themselves.

Peace comes from within. Peace is what you can offer someone with a smile. Peace is showing care and offering to help.

So anyway, about the facet joint injections, I don't think these last ones had the same epidural content the previous ones did. I don't have the terrible headache or that feeling of on the edge of having a seizure. I don't actually know what was in these ones, but I definitely didn't have the reaction I had with the last ones and you're right, I won't be subjecting myself to those again any time soon. And I know my current PM won't do the L4/5 S1 area, he's said so repeatedly. So it's possible I need to have another "awake" procedure by the radiologist again? It's all so much, I'm over it, so over it all. I understand why people give up on life, when it hurts this much and no one cares to contact you, I can see why they make that last & final decision & request euthanasia.

Well I must away, the roast won't finish itself and I'll drive a plate along with a container of stew over to mums. Cheer her up xx


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Pam,
After your previous experience with steroids; just wonder about doing them again so close; especially since even the root injections only lasted a short time which led you back to more injections.

Glad you aren't going to be taking 60mg's a day of Valium. I must say tho; the Valium has really helped me with the muscle spasms in my neck and shoulder (Tortacolis sp??

In the opioid column tho; I have tyrated from 240mgs Oxycontin daily to 150mgs daily. Still have terrible issues with the constipation. Taking at least 3 doses of Miralax daily does help keep things moving; but a bit runny (keeps me close to home). After the abdominal hernia repairs in 2015 have to worry about any forcing and the recurrence of the hernias. I certainly understand your reluctance to deal with all that again.

Wishing you lotsa luck with your return to work. It seemingly appears you have organized things to give you some break to not have to get up and move around too much. It's unfortunate; but possibly not working may lessen the rate of progression you are dealing with.

Take care dear friend....


Gerry
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Old 07-25-2017, 05:28 AM #233
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Tuesday my one consistent day off every week, inevitably bombarded with phone calls, texts, emails asking why am I not responding. I gave up and took some calls. Lucky I did for one particular staff member as I managed to run an intervention and resolve what will have been a very difficult situation to reverse.

But, I'm hurting, I'm in so much pain today. I went to the office yesterday early as planned, left at 12.30 for the 1.30 GP consult down south for a worker and the GP running late, I didn't get back home until well after 4pm. While I printed off all the 200 odd pieces of paper, so much more work came in while I was there so I had zero chance to begin an attempt to file. Today, I've generated more paper to be printed. Oh well, I'm giving it my best shot, I can do no more than that.

I awoke at 4am this morning and the pain on the right lower back has slowly deteriorated throughout the day. I've taken all the painkillers/ meds I'm supposed to, nothing is touching it. DB home not long ago and dished me up stew, first meal I've eaten all day, just no desire to eat at all. Had to eat the stew because he made the effort. Probably a good thing I did. I've taken extra movicol, I thought yesterday oh I've taken too much movicol, but realised when I got that familiar upper solar plexus pain at about 10am, I've got an obstruction beginning and what was coming through - Just overflow!! I'm so glad I can talk about this type of stuff on here, others just don't understand. Hence while I didn't feel like eating, I wouldn't have anyhow. All I've had is the bowl of stew, I should be ok and will take another movicol before going to bed. Will be sure to dig out a pair of those delightful grandy accident undies which fortunately my nighties in essence are long enough to hide/ disguise... nothing like coming up to your 25th wedding anniversary with the diaper undies eh.... gosh I must have been a terror in my last life, I must be paying penance for some horrid actions I'm sure of it.

Our curtains returned, yay, they look fabulous and I'm very pleased at just cleaning them rather than renewing everything.

While the curtain man was here one of my youngest nieces arrived. I had told her on Sunday grandma and granddad had packed 4 boxes of stuff for her back in 2007 before they moved to our house down south. We've been holding them for ten years, grandad passed away in 2011 not knowing if you appreciated what he had gifted you. I've told her regularly they are here, but on Sunday I said, you need to come and get them, have a look at what they have set aside and wrapped for you and if you don't want them, consider regifting. I have no idea what's in there other than expensive crockery dinner set, expensive quality glassware and her grandad thought enough of her to ask grandma to hand wrap each item and store them in boxes. Like I said it includes a beautiful yellow and blue hand painted crockery set, good glassware and various decanters etc. so she arrived and after a few moments of obnoxious behaviour said so where is this sh1te. I looked at her and said I a quiet voice, you can forget taking them. She responded well it's really inconvenient. My response you've known for 10 years, it's not inconvenient you just don't care and the words you've just used tell me how unappreciative you are and frankly I don't care to give them to you. She replied your being melodramatic, I'll get my keys, she got the keys, put the 4 boxes in the car, came to me and proffered a small hug saying I'm sorry I called it sh1te, it's just stuff and I'm not in the best frame of mind.

I replied, do not let me hear ever you refer or call anything from my parents to you sh1te, if that's all you can say, it's best you leave, you can see I'm very unwell, I'm crying in pain and I just don't need this added duress. You are 33, it's time you take responsibility and accountability for your behaviour. And frankly your behaviour has left me speechless.

The curtain man came out as she left and said, gosh, WHO was that rude young woman, I said my niece, I'm sorry I thought I'd introduced you, he said you did, she just blanked me. I apologised, said I don't know what's wrong with her in the last 10yrs she has lived in the Mediterranean & I'm told she partied hard with wealthy people and she has turned into this horrid woman. I assure you as a young girl she was sweet, she visited/holidayed/lived with DB & me numerous times, we were in London and DB even offered her first job ever. She was a delight. I saw an inkling of the change when I employed her back here /home as a hotel receptionist in a 5* hotel, she behaved as if she were doing the guests a favour. Now she behaves as though everyone owes her, I'm told she regularly does drugs, ecstasy in particular. She must have been coming down when she came here, she kept well away from the dogs and would normally go cuddle them/ make a fuss. I thought ecstasy supposedly made you love everyone and everything. Not a sign of love / niceness there. DB came home and I was still upset, his response "well she's off the Christmas Card list" I laughed and laughed, it is something we used to say in London all the time. But in the main, im sad no wonder her mother and father at their wits end with her. Just so, so unpleasant. Still beautiful/ stunning even, but if she keeps that resting biatch face for much longer her looks will quickly dwindle. I'm unwell it was obvious and all she could talk about was her boyfriend of 3 months (3) had dumped her, I'm thinking to myself - I can understand why! But the way she went on 3 months in her mind represented clearly repented 3 years. I enquired about her last boyfriend, - "he was just a filler" she said. I felt / feel quite ill how she spoke of that, I assume and DB assures me, just casual sex, somone to use while you look for someone else!! Anyway then she got an email. The new job contract - she demanded to know where my scanner was & how incredibly inconvenient it was to have it in my office while I wait for the refurb to finish. I should have told her before she visited! Oh yes I knew in advance she was going to receive and need to sign an employment contract, I'm a mind reader now as well. Then she moaned there was no edible food in the fridge (fridge has fruit, left over roast chicken, roast pork and roast vegetables, cheese, yoghurt, ham, 3 different salads) which by the way she just opened without asking and began to help herself then to a punnit of strawberries, cheese, grapes....

Gosh - What is wrong with this generation. If my grandmother had handpicked and wrapped items for me I wouldn't have waited 10 years, and I definitely would not have spoken in that manner to my Aunt. That combined with the pain I'm in has upset me greatly, I hope I'm ok to go to work tomorrow as there is an important meeting that I must attend. Life eh.... pray no obstruction please, pray for the pain to pass. I'm holding onto my felt heart like the is no tomorrow and I'm thinking of my wonderful dad and how I miss him.

I messaged mum to say she might write to thank you but don't hold your breath!
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Old 07-26-2017, 01:50 PM #234
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It's 2.04am. I'm awake, my temp is 38.3, I'm in agony, my left side is frozen in pain. I can't get out of bed easily it's as if I can't move my left hip/lower back. We're talking about me going to hospital. I had to wake DB up as I was so hot and asked him to get the thermometer. I'm wondering if I've got an infection from the facet joint injections. The left side got gradually worse throughout the day yesterday.

I went in only to facilitate a meeting between an injured worker and her line manager. I had spoken with her the week before to get all the points, I spoke to him so I had all the points and I discussed them each before the meeting so that way there are no surprises in the meeting. I knew I was unwell but did it for her.

We covered off the facilitated conversation and we had agreeed / reached a harmonious relationship to move forward. We were wrapping up and suddenly she said; I have a list of demands and I can tell you that they had nothing to do with her workers Comp claim. I was shocked and the area manager speechless.

I left work in lots of pain, got home and it's got progressively worse. I will go to hospital at 5am.
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Old 07-26-2017, 11:10 PM #235
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Pam,
I just wish you could take a "leave of absence". You are in no shape to even put your body together to get ready let alone go to the office. I can't imagine having to go to work. I am fortunate, I no longer work outside the home anymore.

I deal with the 24/7 pain and as your situation with DB is similar in some ways. My husband is almost impossible to have a conversation or even get responses most of the time. We can talk about the news or some things going on in the world; but not about us or our situation; let along to even ask "how do you feel".

My belly/groin issues/pain override the PN and the spine pain. The cancerous rectum removal was difficult enough; but it all worsened when I had the three Ventral Incisional (abdominal) hernias with mesh repaired 1 1/2 years ago. The tummy pain was bad enough but after the surgery am now dealing with awful Bursitis pain in both groin areas.

The constant "potty" trips because of needing to keep things pretty loose just adds to the pain in those areas. The worst is in the afternoon after lunch along with already have taken 2 Miralax. The colon goes into spasms and often feel like I'm going to pass out while on the "potty". Lately I have been having to take something for pain, along with a Vallium and lay down in bed until things calm down. This afternoon was no exception. I told my husband my pain was really bad and I was going to lay down; (but of course, first told him what I was planning on making for dinner). When I got up, he was reading; never looked up or even asked if I felt any better.

That hurts more than the physical pain. I know you are dealing with the same thing. It really is sad.

Pam, I Pray; "No more Bowel Obstructions"........


Gerry

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Old 07-28-2017, 04:23 PM #236
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High, very high on my list of concerns is a bowel obstruction and to make matters harder, I'm back on the same ward I last time room 11. So nothing has changed except some of the nurses. With all the meds I'm on and the amount of times I've been in here you would think they know my history. Last night all she would give me Is coloxyl. I kept saying it won't work, the senior nurse wouldn't listen. Sure enough I've got overflow!
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Old 07-28-2017, 04:28 PM #237
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A bowel obstruction is the least of my worries, I might have a severe bone infectuin or I might have bone cancer. Will find out Tuesday. It's 5.30am old habits die hard, I'm wide awake,
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Old 07-28-2017, 08:01 PM #238
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High, very high on my list of concerns is a bowel obstruction and to make matters harder, I'm back on the same ward I last time room 11. So nothing has changed except some of the nurses. With all the meds I'm on and the amount of times I've been in here you would think they know my history. Last night all she would give me Is coloxyl. I kept saying it won't work, the senior nurse wouldn't listen. Sure enough I've got overflow!

Your doctor needs to leave orders to be sure you get the necessary meds, etc.


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Old 07-28-2017, 08:03 PM #239
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A bowel obstruction is the least of my worries, I might have a severe bone infectuin or I might have bone cancer. Will find out Tuesday. It's 5.30am old habits die hard, I'm wide awake,

Oh my gosh Pam; What brought on this possibility ????
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Old 07-29-2017, 05:14 AM #240
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I don't know really, they've been in and out and done a zillion tests and all these grand doctors keep. On coming in to see me, heads of departments etc etc. I have to have the Gallium Scan on Monday midday ish. They did a kidney scans yesterday. It's relly good she said, and appear to be in very good health. Not sure why they wanted to check the kidneys, but may have been because back in 2001 I had the ureter blockage with the tissue mass which grew back 4 times and 4 times they had to out stents in. Anyhow Kidneys rocking and rolling well. She did say I have a very distorted sized bile duct but I can't see how that can affect anything.

I still have a very high temperature, I have high white blood cell count, very high markers for infection apparently, but I also apparently have markers for this bone cancer.

Narula came to see me and said if it's infection we will get you out of hospital asap to rest from home to heal and then we will get you back in because you need to have fusion on L3/4 or it might have been L2/3. I was I confess a bit shell shocked by then. This all in top of top of getting the message this week I have to have the mammogram tissue ultrasound again as the mammogram I had shows the tissue has changed considerable snce last 2 yr check up and has mass dense tissue. Atm I feel as though I've just be told I've got cancer everywhere. I'm sure I haven't, I reckon I don't have it at all, it's just how I feel today.

Mum just been to visit, angry she is I haven't heard from my nieces, brother or sister. I said don't worry about it mum, after I'm gone they will suddenly realise all that I do. It just upsets her. I said while she was here, no idea where it came from, maybe I'm on strong pain drugs, but I looked at her and said, have you heard from dad. As soon as I said it I started to cry and so did she. He is on both of our minds. It will be 5 years on August 20th. I said I sorry I don't know where it came from and she said it's ok, just rest. We went for a gentle stroll after to walk her to the lifted I hobbled back with the walker. I'm just so jolly tired.

If not raining too heavy she will come tomorrow, xxx
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