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buzzing sensation
Just a comment on the buzzing aspect...I have a Metronic Adaptive Stim...the buzzing adapts to another setting as I get up and down.
For me it was very hard to over ride my brain to the sensation....when I go to walk....my brain says I am wobbeling...be careful...don't step...look down...your gonna fall. I am almost two years post op...it still happens....I have to run it on very low if I want my brain to ignore the sensation. My experience. HB |
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Continued prayers for speedy recovery! Feel better! :hug: All! :grouphug: |
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are a smart intuitive amazing beautiful person and so happy to meet you you are never to second guess yourself only YOU know your body as you do doctors are Not gods we hope to be in the hands of qualified knowledgeable doctors and although time gives one knowledge but experience by listening to there patients thank you for sharing your experience strength and Hope you go kick butt as MD is on my mind know how one challenges their limits with much care again you GO |
hannabananna
what can i say but so sorry i was a newbie i will always remember the pictures as they tell a story in itself be well i fell like "Forest" the stories go on and on and on mine never stops somehow i seem to fall into that percentile of what might happen to a certain few is deadly outcome failings my dear sister gets her eyes surgically altered as to not have to wear glasses with her fell into that percentile of a sandy feel all of the time just an example was breastfeeding my son no period statistically up there with the pill not in my case i was breast feeding and surprisingly pregnant with my third baby not fun always looking for the ball to drop |
too much PAIN rant
Hi All,
I haven't been able to get my feet under me since Tuesday when I had my MRI.. seems like the harder I push myself the less likely I am to ever get back to where I was.:( Wednesday I felt like a disaster area… Tossing and turning moving standing sitting walking and all of it in pain. Thursday was another 4 Hour Car drive for my G.I. appointment and pain psych evaluation- that appt was great, and Iam approved..! :) Friday I spent some time trying to compose a post… Slowly so I could take care of my energy, and my computer ate it. It's hard for me to sit, and my computer has already gone berserk and deleted my entire last post- or what would've been this one so I'll keep it short. :thud: Next day... I got the results of my MRI this morning and had a curious thought. Somewhere I posted the condition of my neck with some severe changes above the fusion..including cord compression. My lumbar has one spot of severe compression on my cord at L2 –3, with severe neuroforaminal stenosis at multiple levels..multiple levels of,, oh heck.. My brain just cannot do this anymore. I'm over the top and pain is more than I can take right now. I had to fix my computer today(2 days ago) before I could type and now I cannot sit to type!AARGHHHH! My patience is shot as are my nerves. At home life is unbearable. My spouse has decided that our hearts can't be shared because I make life too miserable... Oh my gosh! It is so hard that I can't imagine it. I just cannot do anymore...now. Back to bed now... I still have pancreatitis and am battling nausea constipation and bloating, making it REALLY hard to take care of anything.. so I rest and pray for this new pain to pass... The radiating pain comes and goes from my neck... my back never stops hurting, and my hands are swollen and HOT right now... RSD- My nerves are on fire in my arms and my arthritis flared..everywhere. My shoulders ache, and I can feel the pain in my muscles as they waste. I try not to think about it, but right now, it just is. My left hand is so sensitive I can't handle water flowing over it..both arms hands are HOT and swollen, cannot tolerate much touch, making showers a challenge, much less anything else. DDD... I'm having pain that feels like my hips are broken and sitting is too hard. My legs are heavy as lead, yet fragile and feel as if I am standing on legs of broken glass..nothing new here, just a bit more of it. I am a bit worried becuase of the condition of L2-3, but I'll see another doc before I go ahead... with any SCS surgery. I want to know what is. Emotional pain also takes it's toll when there can be no peace in the house... it can become lonely and pain feels magnified... I think of eva such a dear, and PamelaJune right now. Those posts I made while resting are gone too, so here I say my heart is with you... I understand some as my hubby has changed so much... and maybe pain is too much-not sure, but the anger and judgement is so draining..it is hard to think or function , much less stay positive. Our weather system changes are affecting my condition negatively as well... arthritis and CRPS and all things inflammatory are the targets... yet I am grateful for the rain because our earth has been parched here for far too long... and I love how dynamic weather is. I would love to be a storm chaser facing the vitality of mother nature and life, haha, in another lifetime perhaps... :) There... rant rant rant!!!! ERGGGGG!!! AARGH!!!!!!!! OH OKAY! I am okay now and will focus on the love and light that so ever shine. No matter the darkness, there is always light... See the moon and the stars are only reflections of the sun... oh I am rambling to escape... Hoping all is as well as it can be for you all. Together we remind ourselves of our strengths and that we aren't as alone, as pain has us feel... I am so grateful for you all here...:grouphug: Hana |
Sad
Oh Hana, how unfair life is for you at the minute. I'm sending you the biggest of hugs and praying for you to find some physical and emotional relief. I'm so sad for you, partners have to be willing to be in the journey together, they have moments of doubt and some just can't overcome the doubt and push to put their own needs to the forefront. But right now, with pancreatitis, fever, crps your needs should be front and forward. Be kind to yourself and know you have supporters across the world here. :hug::hug:
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Hana,
I so feel for you. I know the feeling of the led legs,burning spine issues,as well as feeling like my walking is so off that my hips hurt, etc., etc. Before going to bed at night, I started dreading the start of a new day. I really had to push "big Time" to force myself out of bed. One of my biggest concerns was/is the relationship between myself and husband. For a while, i was feeling like he must have ice in his veins and a total lack of compassion. But, I started praying for us to be closer and more compasionate for one another. His life changed too. He enjoyed vacations, nice dinners. When we do get out, it has to be a quick and get back home soon. As well as pain, I have "potty" isses. Knowing I have to try even harder to smile or try to crack a bit of a "funny" and maybe give him a hug every now or do something "special" for him. He needed to be felt loved as well. I can't say all is always great; but since I have been trying harder, he has been reaching out to me more. Believe me, I know it isn't easy. I sure hope you and your spouse can get closer relationship. It means so much. So true; even at times a bit corney,is to take one day at a time. Not to live in fear the day before which wrecks the upcoming day. Easier written than done; but I keep trying. Today started pretty bad. I set my alarm to take my Oxycontin at 6:00 a.m., (take 60mg's every 6 hrs.). I have my pills in a 7 day container with a bottle of water on my nightstand. When I got up about 8:00 a.m., my legs hurt so bad, had chills; just felt terribly sick. Went back to lay down. Then started thinking of hubby wondering whether he should have his coffee, etc. or wait for me. Got back up; but the chills and leg pain and overall and nausea; eventually went back to bed; We were to get together with my family for a birthday; but had to cancel. About 11:30 a..m. decided to look in my pill container because I felt like I was in "withdrawal". Sure enough; my 60 mg. Oxycontin was still in there. It unbelievable that you can go into withdrawal that quickly. Did manage to get a few hugs. He has been startiing to be a little more compasionate too. It means so much. What Pam says is so true; partners need to journey together. Gerry |
Oh HANA
And Pam, and Ger...... I mean, I know this pain path is a two party path in our particular situations, and I ache for you to understand your spouse, Hana, is having what they think is too hard of a time of it. All I can do is reach out to you figuratively and hug... and pray, hoping eyes might be opened to the heart which is loved, for that heart is no different as it is the body which is wracked by pain.
Sure, our lives changed drastically in 2005. Vacations? HAH! Gone. Frivolity with cash such as we had known pre-wreck.... GONE. Goodness in the months leading up to this most recent of fusions I have had Jan 2 of this year, it was all I could do to work. Provide. Then come home, eat, and to bed. Going out. That was gone. Going to church. That was gone. Watching even a movie here at home. That was gone. I could not take it. Now, we are working to re-establish some semblance of routine again. Church today, followed by lunch out with our kids. That was nice. Then all of the others went out for shopping and such and I went where???? Home, to bed, for a nap. Could not keep the eyelids open. I pray the rough seas of dealing with your pain situation will even out and calm and that spouses all around will follow the original heart call to support each with the love originally pledged. Really.... prayin on this, :grouphug: |
It takes two
I have to chime in again Hana! my heart really aches for all of us in this life altering scenario we found ourselves in through no fault of our own. As you know I'm having a tough trot, but, not going to give in. I decided with my husband last fortnight that every fortnight on a Tuesday evening I will walk, yes walk, to the high road, or main drag as you may call it in the US of or local town where all the bars, pubs and restaurants are. It's a 15 to 20 minute walk and I will partake in a few glasses of wine so my husband can have a beer or wine and then a meal. He can see I'm making an effort and it's doing something for his morale too, AND I can see he gets back home safely as he is in a dark place with his emotional trauma. He rang today from work to say he is excited to be going tomorrow night, I can't do movies anymore, can't sit for the duration and restaurants have to be quick service as I'm want to come home as soon as I arrive lol. But, he can see I'm trying, and like Gerry mentioned she has seen an improvement in their relationship with her reaching out. We have so many downs, but he is my life essence, and if your partner is the one, try to talk to him to see if you can get a compromise, life is not always greener on the other side, and he may see benefits to being with you that he has forgotten in our pain journey. I know I've been cruel and said to my love, please, put me out of my misery, in 2002 I said use a pillow, the pain was so extreme, I think he began a rethink in those days and while initially he wasn't the best partner on our journey he has become stronger with each incident. Yes it's rocked him to his core and he had his terrible breakdown and was hospitalised 2 yrs ago and on that day I took him to rehab by taxi and checked myself in 5 min up the road to a major hospital for surgery. I came out and he staid in for a month, I got rushed back in 3 weeks later and he had to discharge himself. So many hard times not helped by his selfish family cruel and unusual I call them, but I can show them mercy and pray for them. For your partner Hana, I too have little of that physical side, but, I decided I had to, if not for me for him, not often, but closeness just to hold him feels, reaching out to touch his arm or his shoulder, reminds me of what we once had and I'm determined to get back there. Drugs help, not what they are for, but sometimes needs must, sorry if that's TMI but just trying to say if you can get him to see he is not alone, so many of us and our partners are in the same boat. Our finances are drying up by the minute, my minimum super wage payments will cease in August and I fear where we will be. I will have to go back to work I know, and now, I can't even get my derrière out the door unless it's an absolute destination that I so must go to, and I'm late as it takes me time to psyche myself up. I could easily give up, but I won't, I will not let this ruin what we have, I will continue to try. And it's hard, so very hard. Like you Mark, we had such a good combined income we blew money like nobodies business, we would be all ok if we hadn't done the trips, the cruises, the holidays to see his or my family in different countries over the last 23 years, but there you go. Love is actually. Just like the movie. I'm sure Hana if you can get this pancreatitis under control you will feel a little better. I was going to write and say I'm feeling desperate and horrid, but, you need me more than I need you and again, we are here for you girl. You may have read me writing About singing songs. Belt em out, pick your favourites and belt them, if you can shimmy a little, you know a very sedate shimmy the one our Nan's used to do in their 80's it's the thought that counts. I know you say he can't talk about it, can you write it to him in a card, can you surprise him with something that meant something to you years ago, no pressure, just write it in a card and leave it for him to read in private. If he is the man that you believe to be there with you for this journey then fight for it. I have and alienated half my husbands family, but that's because they are petty and don't like me, big deal, their loss. I fight every day and have been fighting for over 30 years plus, I will not let someone come between us, nor my health, we took our vows and after my first marriage spectacularly imploded I'm not having it on my second. Never give up, you are a fighter, I know this, I can read it between the lines. You go girl, whatever happens, we are here and we totally understand. You can talk to us anytime:grouphug:
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Hana, Pam, Ger
My heart breaks, truly breaks, at the hurt - the struggle - the enormity of the pain that comes with each new day. This horrible, horrible beast that we all carry on our backs - literally - drains the life not only out of us, but also out of the people around us. So very, very sad . . . my heart breaks for each of you - for myself - for those who struggle to love us through our pain.
My husband - I love him so - and he is such a wonderful blessing in my life . . . he strives every day to take care of me, and to patiently walk beside me as I struggle to put one foot in front of the other. Yet sometimes I catch glimpses into his sense of frustration and anger - not at me - but at the beast. We have committed together to temper our words - to try and stop ourselves from saying anything that is not uplifting or encouraging to our relationship. But we are human, and in his humanness the other day, he snapped at me - said something that was hurtful to me related to my pain. After I had nursed my hurt for a while, I shared with him how his words had effected me and asked him why he said it. He was sad that he had hurt me - and he said his words came from a place within him that was fueled by his inability to "fix" the situation - to take away the pain that I feel day in and day out. I think that those who love us - and who seem to grow weary with us - must also feel this frustration. I think they want so badly for us to get better - not because they are tired of hearing us complain - but because they truly do love us and feel inadequate in their ability to do anything to help. I think sometimes it is easier for them to shut us out - to walk away - than to continually be faced with what they feel is an inadequacy on their part. Oh how I wish that they understood that we don't hold them accountable - that we don't look on them with disdain for not being able to help. That is something they have put on themselves. We don't ask - demand - or even expect them to "fix" us and cure our pain. We simply ask that they walk alongside us when we can walk, and prop us up when we can't. My heart breaks for you, Hana. For you, Pam. For you, Ger. For all of us who have to deal with not just the physical pain, but also the mental and emotional pain that is inflicted - sometimes on purpose, and sometimes unintentionally - by those we love. I have no answers, only hugs. Gentle hugs. Understanding hugs. And hope. I have hope that tomorrow - maybe even today - will be filled with some unexpected blessings that will brighten the paths that we are each walking. Knowing that y'all are all just a keystroke away is one of those blessings for me. {hugs} =Becky |
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