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11-27-2014, 11:05 PM | #151 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Father
As only you know It was such a cluster fudge Babies mother went off and left in a horrible way My son gets wind he decides not to show up with his boyfriend Should I have expected any differently Yes I have my grandchild and other family who expected happiness Ohh how sad Job I guess well done They were happy Blessings hurting Me
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11-30-2014, 04:05 PM | #152 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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i have no clue what your plan is for me
i come to You with everything and I thank You despite the hard trials i have come to understand much and it is minuscule to what my Brother had to endure i try to muster up the strength to move forward a daughter who should be a mother to her daughter not her her and her and all the after effects fall on my door step Father i never imagined this would have been such a difficult choice i have watched my granddaughter whenever needed that has been four years just from pregnancy time i have been on this road with her since seventh grade You know what my road has been like thus far it was your plan every person that ever came in my life just in passing all Your plan as i tried to be a responsible person was a hard lesson at the expense of my loved ones Sobriety it's a Good thing i know there will be those who will understand the magnitude of that statement therefore i am blessed to have been an alcoholic as 20 plus years and i understand that today is the most important day confusion riddles my brain to have lived a life such as mine i can't help but wonder this is all for what unhappiness is a way of life have i tried to live happiness or intent of happiness that comes in many forms therefore even if intent of kindness overlooked because of ones narcissistic personality that has an addiction problem that caused her to loose the baby it hurts so badly to hear the baby cry for her mother when being reared and she will get upset it won't be her father because he picks her up and takes her out Father You know how i feel about thanksgiving and for her mother pulled wanting to sleep rather than entertain her child she left her child for a place to sleep my eldest beside herself could not contain herself and i'm in the room playing with her and the t.v. turned up this all your plan had some limited time to figure that out one thing it is her mommy and she wants to play with her THIS IS WHEN MY ELDEST JUMPED IN AFTER HEARING ENOUGH BULL TURD THAT WAS BEING FED TO HER she tried to contain herself i know i couldn't she is so sweet knowing things were going she deserves much happiness in her life she is someone special blessed by my eldest we have been through just so much i pray in Jesus name Amen and to all trying to keep me afloat from my being with the understanding of happiness happiness is my goal me
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Lara (11-30-2014) |
11-30-2014, 05:07 PM | #153 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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That I can log on here and return once more to share appreciation for continued thoughts posted,
That life allows a moment, if even just a moment, to be her to give, That work is doable.....and the blessings its rewards bring to my family is helping us to reclaim our lives, That pain, although still part of life, is livable, That love abounds in this place Appreciatively, M56 |
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12-06-2014, 10:19 AM | #154 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Yup.....another moment I can come say "howdy do!"
Tree, lights, decorations and such up. Last evening my darlin' surprised me with a new snow globe to replace the one accidentally broken by our 25 year old when he was 2. This globe is very much like the other was....a mountain village scene, a train which circles the village then disappears into a tunnel, Santa and sleigh circling overhead....you get the idea. A cool snow globe. Yup, I feel blessed. M56 |
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12-06-2014, 01:52 PM | #155 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Quote:
it is something we love also not a decoration in sight must do it for Eva and Corissa have no help but i know myself i'll get upset enough and wind up doing it that feeling isn't there yet hoping to feel a twitch we too love snow globes
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Lara (12-07-2014), PamelaJune (12-06-2014) |
12-07-2014, 03:56 AM | #156 | |||
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Senior Member
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Eva, I too have not a decoration in sight, but I have people staying here so that's been my excuse. They will leave tomorrow morning and I am going to drag the big box of all my Xmas decorations out from the junkroom to the living room and dig deep into my reserves to delve into the box repeatedly as I go back n forth getting things out and create a festive scene!
WHAT am I saying.... I'm going to get the big box stored in the junk room moved to the living room today; Im going to ask one of the guests to do it; I'm going to ask each of them to select an item or two from the box and display it somewhere appropriate in the house; I'm going to leave the box where it's placed until it's emptied of all decorations; I'm going to ask every visitor who comes to the house in the next week to select an item or two from the box and display it until the box empties; I'm going to ask the last visitor to place the then empy box back in the junk room ready for when it's next needed (28 days from now) I'm going to be kind to myself this year; I'm going to allow other people to help me; I'm going to grow and become a better person and gracefully accept I need to ask for help; I'm going to accept people are not mind readers, they don't know what I need doing if I don't speak up and ask; I'm going to accept not every one is like me, tuned to every situation occurring around me and intuitively knowing when someone needs helping; I'm going to surprise myself and do nothing other than ask for help;
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12-07-2014, 10:53 AM | #157 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Quote:
thank you for reminding me of the situation at hand i do have a problem asking for help as i do i am let down most of the time being a control freak blessed with OCD erring to the the side of all neat everything has a home but this is me i need to work on controlling myself myself only i am up against evil depression set in hard i would love to shake this self pity i wish i could remember that each day is a gift from God i am carrying to much turd that isn't even mine to carry yet it affects me as it is my family a ill family and things were harder when our father blew himself away our mother shunned us and was that narcissistic person there was a moment i was about 8 months pregnant at a bingo game my mothers oldest friend my aunt here vacationing i sitting across from them and i hear my mother mind you i'm 38 years old and she says "if i had to do it all over having children i wouldn't" it didn't matter i was a grown woman who superseded in many ways being a single strong woman raising 4 children by myself no trophies please i had a job to do and did my very best no help from my family and when i say family 99% of all my lineage reside where my history of family is in Hungary no contact with them my mother my two younger sisters one has my nephew my youngest sister 45 years old single no children and my four children we are it not doing well a mother estranged from two of her three girls it is my youngest sister who is still in contact with her oh how her man and his family make her happy kicked her kids to the curb when she sold the house both my parents bought and that be that oh you wonder why am i in the past Christmas growing up there was ALWAYS a huge fight between our parents and i started our own tradition well known to my family only my own family is in all sorts of turmoil where am i going with all this i asked for help and it isn't taken seriously and they have better things to do i guess i have not had company i can't remember my last guest no true friends the God parent for Corissa said to me fourteen years ago i cannot be i you life to many negative things going on only to find out she had a black 3rd child and gave him up for adoption an Irish redhead with two boys already we became very close as she came into my waitress years and i took her under my wing and she had split from her husband history just an example i have not made any close friends since i had just delivered Corissa and this is when my troubled child who made me a mother all over as i have custody and she seems to be very comfortable with the arrangements and life goes on never know when something is up that screws up what we put together i don't want what happened Thanksgiving to roll over into Christmas my depression is enough something i want out of my being so many changes just in my life alone there is much i need to do and being mostly single all my life except for a short lived marriage my goal happy feelings i miss feeling happy thank you for you insight and upbeat Spirit the tubs have been out for a week still on the fence about opening up memories all ornaments made and are original each year a new one is added so PamelaJune it too is emotional i will adopt your outlook and be conscious to apply it God bless you and all you love what a wonderful way of getting the box to empty out love me thanks
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"Thanks for this!" says: | PamelaJune (12-08-2014) |
12-08-2014, 12:15 AM | #158 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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took your suggestion
with my 16 year old help so what i accomplished was to put things away so that we can put out the moving animals so many kinds so many buttons to push i can't wait to see her face then i asked my eldest if she could help with the tree she said yes i got my buttocks and moved till i couldn't any more tomorrow another day Eva didn't ask why the wall unit was being cleared of all pictures that's a good thing as mom and dad take her Tuesday to see Santa i can put the creatures out for her then so thank you ima hurting it will be well worth it me
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Lara (12-08-2014), PamelaJune (12-08-2014) |
12-08-2014, 11:24 PM | #159 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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at you
you know how much was done yesterday with the help of Corissa and You bless me with another flood this morning in Corissa's bathroom on the twentieth floor a Major flood from the shower above it made its into Corissa's room under the laminate floors i had put down also made its way out the bathroom door into the tiny hall and into the living room under the laminate the size i would guess about 5' x 5' really bad damage this is a third time i incurred water damage first time i ever put in a claim on my renters shortly after i moved in then i moved to the bigger apartment another flood my agent said it would be to soon to put in another claim that was that i thought to myself have had renters since 1984 and used it the first time both times the building at fault and again today the third time fans are on it but its really bad and where the floors are managed i'll put a area rugs down i can change them once warped the damage done Father you know what i did only for this turd to happen i will say thank you Jesus thank you Father thank you Jesus thank you Father me
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12-09-2014, 01:08 AM | #160 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Accepting help is a needful thing. Some of us arrive at the point where we cannot do we once did. It can be a prideful thing. I felt it. Depending on others for physical stuff I can no longer do unles I want to hurt myself.... Arghhhh.
I hope each of you, PamelaJune and Eva receive the help you need to survive joyfully through the Christmas season. AND Eva ..... The flood? Oh why, oh why???? Friends here suffered a burst pipe in an upstairs bathroom.... They did not lose precious mementos, yet most of the interior of the home was detrimentally harmed... Walls, floors, cabinets, kitchen appliances. It will be months before they can live at home again. Water piping is SO susceptible to failure. Eva, I pray you will be able so dry out and save much of the special laminate floor. I know how hard it was for you to get it in the first place! Prayin blessings for ya, M56 |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | eva5667faliure (12-10-2014), PamelaJune (12-10-2014) |
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