SCS & Pain Pumps For spinal cord stimulator (SCS) and pain pump discussions.


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Old 04-24-2014, 07:48 PM #21
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Default new doctor

will review meylogram report
and mri
will see him again
May 22nd
will start with blood work
and take it from there
my new internist
me
still waiting
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Old 04-25-2014, 07:23 AM #22
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Default will review

dear Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for another day

today i woke up and thought to myself
what is happening
and what did i do to **** you off
as new doc John D'Acoonti
a pain specialist taking me on as a patient
also an internist
Father i am an interesting patient to him
he will review the two reports
and will asses what to do
in the mean time i am having
specif blood work
will have been ready for the doctor
this has been a long tiring day
i have nowhere to go
he recommended the pool
this i will do
did i upset you
if i did i'm sorry
i'm so sorry
me
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Old 04-29-2014, 10:41 AM #23
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Default to put pen to paper

dear Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for another day

it is a gloomy day
cold body twitching in the night
how i must make my promise
it has been going slowly in the
right direction
Christine is working
we Corissa and myself watching
Eva

Corissa is now in the process of
having to get her GED preferably
on line and work part time
and find out what she wants to learn
to make a career and love what she does
i still feel i did the best in decision
making with her
it did not matter
i always was in contact
and it fell on deaf ears
no one took her under their wing
if anyone was paying attention
they could see
why
when she was in class a natural A-B student
there are only so many zeros and you fail
period
had her repeat the grade
all through the second year
on the phone with her guidance
gave teachers my number
was it ever used
yes
her math teacher
and that was short lived
no one listened
most importantly she was
able to see her faults
as did her donkey butt father
but
this now
is way too late
as they now left my child behind
"no child left behind" bull turd

dear Father
you know my input in all of this
what we are working on
i will not let her fall any further
it is my job to help her
support her
please help me with her
not to ever feel she cannot talk to me
as i am an open book with my kids
they still look for my input

Father
i would one day
see all my children
in a get together as
adults
under my roof
and see with loving eyes
and know you are the inspiration
the reason to live life to the fullest
and praise the Father
who makes things happen
your spirit lives in this apartment
and will live on forever
and ever
Amen!

may your day be filled with the Lord
and his promises
Amen!
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Last edited by eva5667faliure; 04-29-2014 at 10:51 AM. Reason: typos
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Old 04-30-2014, 02:48 PM #24
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Default What's going on

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Thank you for another day

We are wakened again
Pain in my sleep
Hips knees throb
A beat of there own
Awakened again
To be in this world
is not easy
Rather for myself
it isn't easy
The pit of my stomach
is lost
Or is it the pit of my heart
Either case it does no feel good
Father
Guide this lost heart
I need to find something
that fills this hole
Father you know what I speak of
Not to go into depression
I do not know why
Spoke to my psychotherapist
a good session
As he reminded me
"It's not you"
Yet everything around me
i wind up becoming responsible for
He understands me he's begun to get me
He too a father
Be it may I live with this horrible
feeling for the rest of my life
So be it
Maybe I'll fake it till I get there
Nope not me
too may need me
I get passionate in everything
I do
But when my life is still
I am alone
On that physical and emotional pain
Who wants to be a burden to anyone
Who wants to listen to my bull turd
I have given my all and continue to
That will never change
My love for the human who
understands the road my life
and all the unecessary drama
The addict in all of my family
To experience watching my oldest
go through what her dealt cards were
to have removed a part of her brain
in hopes to stop her seizures and the
slew of out of touch pharmaceutical
companies and the outrageous price
they are is a CRIME
TO LISTEN TO THOSE ON HERE
SUFFER
What ever the case may be
When I read how overly
interested when in trial
mode of a SCS and or Pain Pump
To have a diagnosis like my most recent
MRI in itself and hold it all together
is certainly a task
it creeps up out of nowhere
bites me in the butt all over again
How is it I move on
One moment at a time
stay focused I am Gods child
We will be taken care of
As a human that had her life
change as much as mine in almost
four years now only what I can handle
This much I understand
I have many blessings in my
life and I must continue to remember
I am only in control of me
And can only be there when I'm needed
To help Corissa find passion in her life
AND GO FOR IT
She was taken out of school
as it should be a safe place
A place to learn
keep a child's interest
This was not the case
So new avenues we must take
Her progress is slow
We had to start at the very
BEGINNING
Baby steps
The PHONE limited
All from the beginning
listening skills
Following through
Take care of things
without being asked
HONESTY
the most important
of all rules
I thank God and
will never doubt that
his son died for our sins
Forgive me of my sins
Amen
I am such a passionate
human being
a passionate mother
and grandmother
It is just this weight of all the
turd I have to deal with alone
in real life
But made up in my cyber family
who I know are real
and share their experience strength and hope
for the future
And that's just live it when you can
I am so tired of talking of the pain
It is there I can't help it
Until my diagnosis is figured out
what the blank it means
maybe by then things will
be different
but for now
this empty feeling
Is it in my gut
Is it in my heart
Is it in my head

It is what it is
There is no option
I must follow through
There are times I MUST
SAY "NO"
Maybe then I'll see things
how they really
Corissa has to learn all the way
from the beginning
It is difficult looking at her
and yet to show me simple
orders things she should be
able to do simply
Yet that isn't the case
I am floored at the status
of the situation
just blown the blank away
Blessings dear Father
For a loving Son a mother
who watched him die
Thy will be done
On earth as it is in
Heaven
Jesus my brother
I know you lived in this world
as a human
I am human living
Spiritually in such depth
at times I can go on and on
in my head
the intensity real
Your powers real
Your promise real
Your love real
Your Fathers gift
Your Father in his soft
flannel worn shirt
with the aroma of love
Blessings you say
Ask
Father keep me alive long enough
so I can see my lineage do well
Be healthy
I have too much to do with my family
Eva needs me
I miss my dog
Me
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Old 05-01-2014, 07:09 PM #25
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Heart Wow Eva

THAT is Some post! Grateful for all of it, I am.
Thank you for being a Blessing.
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Old 05-01-2014, 07:19 PM #26
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Smile So

What if your day has not gone as planned?
What if things seemed off kilter?
What if pain was awful and life ......well, sucked.....?
Could you, would you be able to feel Blessed?
I submit yup, you would.
It is all in perspective and perception.
There is something, no matter how seemingly tiny, which is for each today a blessing.
Truth be told, this is what has buoyed me through the decades.
Blessing.
A sky with warmth, or cold, with stars of night or sun of day,
A family member, or several of them,
A friend.....even one
A meal, for which I am thankful
Something to wear
A kindness, whether conferred or received,
Love, no matter whence it comes, to be loved even in friendship is blessing
The simple thing of just resting....between spasms of pain sometimes
How about taking a single Ghirardelli chocolate chip and letting it melt on my tongue.....a blessing, that....
I so enjoy blessings.....
Don't you?
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Old 05-01-2014, 07:45 PM #27
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark56 View Post
What if your day has not gone as planned?
What if things seemed off kilter?
What if pain was awful and life ......well, sucked.....?
Could you, would you be able to feel Blessed?
I submit yup, you would.
It is all in perspective and perception.
There is something, no matter how seemingly tiny, which is for each today a blessing.
Truth be told, this is what has buoyed me through the decades.
Blessing.
A sky with warmth, or cold, with stars of night or sun of day,
A family member, or several of them,
A friend.....even one
A meal, for which I am thankful
Something to wear
A kindness, whether conferred or received,
Love, no matter whence it comes, to be loved even in friendship is blessing
The simple thing of just resting....between spasms of pain sometimes
How about taking a single Ghirardelli chocolate chip and letting it melt on my tongue.....a blessing, that....
I so enjoy blessings.....
Don't you?
chocolate
did someone say chocolate
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Old 05-02-2014, 10:08 AM #28
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Default

Blessings come in many forms; but "chocolate", "sweets"; Oh My....I am overdoing many of these blessings lately. Unfortunately, they do not take a positive look on this body; but; "Oh Soooo Good" at the moment. Maybe, then, just for a little while instead of pain; we enjoy.

Yes indeed, Blessings are there, comes in many ways, just need eyes to see them. They are there!!!



Gerry
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Old 05-06-2014, 09:42 PM #29
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Default Father hear me

My body aches so badly
All I read is the bleak prognosis
of secondary cancer
The pain described I experience
Oh let this not be true
My blood will be taken
and I will be scanned by a
new machine that will go
to the molecular level
That will be in two weeks
Father stop my brain from doing anymore
Mother I cannot imigine the pain leaving
my family behind
Brother hold me
hold me tight
Squeeze the pain from my body
All symptoms are there
America Cancer Society on matatastic disease
my breast cancer is primary and loves bone
my hips knees feet throb
as I mention time and time again
my elbows my change in urinating
including bowel
and of course to opioids used help that
my pain in the bones hips started after
removal of both breasts
Brother carry me
Father make me strong again
My Spirit bruised
Previous problems seem to be trumped
the ****** up turd is I prayed to bring me home
the pain unbearable
This new type of scan machines name "I Thrive"
is what my new internists shall do along with a slew
of blood work
To have read all I could scares the turd out of me
Life expectancy is two years
This I did and should not have read
and I did
What else am I left with I know my body
something is going on
And I pray for it to be a miracle at work
Rip it from my body melt it away
Keep me sane
We just came from court
I have custody of my grandchild
Corissa needs me Eva needs me
my children need me
will I be spared to still be here for them
I can't explain the hurt the pain the fear of leaving them behind as they are not doing well physically too
Michael my boy will have heart surgery
Christine has diabiaties with her drug addiction she fights
everyday Saraeve and her epilepsy
Corissa lost in this world I must help her and Eva now
and I have only my two sisters younger than I both also
fighting their demons
and that's it
A father who checked out by killing himself
A woman who birthed us and wants nothing to do with us
as her man and his children became hers
And there she wrote
Hold on to me Father
Brother Mother Mary
I do believe
Forever yours
Me
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Old 05-06-2014, 10:44 PM #30
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Default

Eva, I read your posts and the pain you face unimaginable, yet there it is in black and white. How is it you could be served with more than your fair share of the pie.

I know it's frightening to have read up on all that you have, I hear you lamenting that you did, yet I too would do the same. We are not women who sit idly by waiting for what may pass our way. Better to be prepared, better to know what needs to be done to live what life we have to the full in the time that we have, better to safeguard the future of those who will always know what you have done for them and better to pray for the miracle that may come, all this rather than be taken unawares.

We, your NT family are with you, say what you must, rant when you need and cry without fear. We are here for you every step of the way, painful as it will be for you, we will still live on in hope and in awe of all that you have achieved. I say we because I know it will be more than just me.
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