It felt great calling my shrink on his crap
It felt so right
And he knows what he said
Shame on him
Just like the rest of them in my life
Neurosurgeon botched
Breast augmentation botched
I have been a great patient
And have been let down by my
health care takers
What they are for certain are is
TAKERS OF A PATIENT AND THEIR MONEY MONEY MONEY
I FEEL LIBERATED
AND IT IS EMPOWERING
LOVE
ME

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

What obstacles are put before me
I am doing all I can to take care of my mind body and spirit
Heavenly Father why so difficult
Why does it have to be so hard
My job taken from me
I cannot afford the vitamin DEPLIN script required
My insurance does not cover it
And my doctors are not interested in it
Therefore the help is passed on from dr to dr
And I have no say so
A *ucking vitamin
And to get what I need from DEPLIN through the next alternative is to take over the counter vitamins B's with l-methylofolate and some other stuff according to one site
They are not addressing my depression
And alone
No one to help me
Im trying to be as pro active as possible
Shot down every single time
And I cannot find a sight that could suggest which stuff to take and how much
It is 15mg of DEPLIN my shrink reluctantly
called it in to my pharmacist
I am on such a roller coaster
Who the hell cares
And why should the
Not enough kickbacks
Will be calling the pharmaceutical company
and am hoping for some help
Be with me Father
Let me not go through this without you at my side
Sweet Mother help me help myself
Amen

Father
Brother
Mother

I will go through this day and fight
This is what You want me to do
Give up
Not yet
I am awaiting for a miracle
After feel beat down
Three hours of sleep
If I'm lucky
DEPLIN should be delivered
sometime this week
After long research on the product
I would be a fool not to give it a chance
I did the best I could for myself
And called the company directly
I can have the product for $58.00 a month
This I can swing
not the $150.00 the pharmacist
told me he would sell it to me for $100.00
Not doable
I am eager to start this vitamin
I have been on this roller coaster ride for sometime now
Having to wean myself off of the Xanax is taking a toll
I am doing my very best this You know Father
I will not be the one to take the breath away from me and bring me home
I will be patient
The is what You want
I will do my very best
This I will do
The people here on NT have and
continue to keep me a float
My Blessings always near
This much I know
Father pleases ease the pain and struggles just a bit
I trust in You Jesus
Amen

Father
Brother
Mother

i have much on these shoulders
to have had and will continue to come to
as everyone has their opinions
all intentions good
we want to think that
we all share the same
when infact we only have one thing in common
we were born
all else has been a hell of a ride

Father let me humble myself
understand that i mean no harm
or have a serpent tongue

my God
hear my prayers
help me calm when the storm is
fierce
hold me tight as i need your touch
the withdrawal is kicking me down
and then added stress
as i try
try so hard
not to whine
or bellyache

let me instead
remember my cause for taking a breath
entering this cold world

let me remember the sun, stars, moon
and every thing
including the rocks
that
are
Alive
let me praise Your name

i am reminded of the cross i must carry
i do this alone
this is my journey before i enter into Your
Kingdom by Your Grace
i am trying to be as human and humility
is something i am lacking

when i watch my granddaughter
i think
oh Jesus
what did YOU go through for us

blessed am i to have the
Our Father

blessed am i to want to do your work

blessed am i to make
positivity and priority
for
in Jesus i Trust

Father guide me into the sun
and not the abyss

help me hold my body upright
my head held high
not full of myself
for i am learning
and life
be
my teacher
thank You Father
Amen

Father
Brother
Mother

May I take all that is put before me with grace
How do I balance the the ties that have been severed


My children on their own road in life
I will not be travel with them
as once my two eldest
blame me for their miserable life

This is a very difficult to do
This is not the children I know anymore
And to be honest
I do not like who they have become
all over the root of all evil
money

It is not reflection of me
as "things" can be replaced

There may be residual of some things
I cannot take back
I'd be foolish to say the ugly me
when at the hight of my drinking
and my learned behavior
seeing myself over them hitting them
while i was going through PMS
is a reflection of the old me
And not to be proud
As I do not question myself any more
even though it was short lived
damage has been done
but
never swept under the rug

Father I have been a good mother to my children
How they behave NOW is not of my doing
Precious Father only You know what i was subjected to
and how i swore if i ever did that to my children
i then
do not deserve the title
"Mommy"

young
only You know what life was like the moment i took my first breath
I was
and is still in my heart
am an Awesome mom
I have had made amends
My heart in it all
My life with a partner given up for them
this they do not see
both have partners in their lives

Sick I am
To feel good the moment I open my eyes
To be alive
Let me feel that Father
I have this body
That has been open and honest to
My brain
and the most important people in my life
my children and grandchild
Always talking to them
Letting them know of the unnatural behavior
The destructive kind
Never can they forget their childhood
A better life I tried to give them
then me
just forgotten

Father
I have a hole in my heart
Can you please fill it with Your warm touch
Can You hear me calling Your name
Can You touch my children's heart and forgive them
For I cannot stand
and refuse to be punching bag

Bless my family Father
i have given my all
Amen

Father
Brother
Mother

i to be blessed by Your teaching today
this body on a mend
just one tiny hopeful message

i to be blessed not to be in a state of disarray
not anything i had control over

i to be blessed not to sway from Your touch
everyday

i to be blessed that i can have a
stronger more informed relationship
with my youngest and my grandchild

i to be blessed to see work on absolute progress
dealing and raising my grandchild
she wants to know about everything
her famous line
"what does that mean mimma"

i to be blessed a more substantial relationship
of my last child who lives with me

i to be blessed to be a teacher of
personal experiences
and it be a positive

i to be blessed
able to always have You
at my side

i to be blessed
You died
for us to be debt free
of Sin

i to be blessed
to know i can Trust
You are in charge
in guiding me
moulding me to BE a good
mother
friend
and maybe one day
to have a partner
for the rest of my days
it has been lonely

blessed my very special friends here
you know who you are
have been at my side
at my very darkest hours

blessed to do your work
and spread the Word
in "Jesus" i trust

Father hear my prayer
i know as You know this broken body
i have some respite in my life
keep me safe as i withdraw
from a medicine in my life

Father watch over my children
as i start to take care of ME
and not feel guilty doing it

Blessed to have a poem
"the Our Father"
promised Me
deliverance from all evil
amen

i to be blessed
to be Graced by Your
constant Love

let me learn how to find peace
with my enimies

i to be Blessed
i give thanks
in Your name
forever and ever
Amen

Prayers
Father
Mother
Brother

Blessings in my day to come
Allow me the strength to push through

My shrink calls twice
How he did not like my seperating

Time to let him know
Bless is all father

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for what i am to receive

no knot in my gutt
blessed am i

to have a better feel all around
blessed i am

to have the patients to listen to my grandchild
and daughter and able to help them with a sense of
calm
blessed i am

in Jesus i Trust
blessed i am

the ten suggestions to live ones life
blessed i am

as persons who are negative
manipulative selfish self centered
me me me
i have no room for that in my life
i have the strength to say NO
blessed i am

i God i believe
blessed i am

no matter what happens
i am loved unconditionally
blessed i am

to share my experience strength and hope
and help someone feel better when down and out
i can do that
blessed i am

the truth of the story of my Savior
Jesus I will always trust
Son of the Father
blessed i am

i'm trusting you GOD
my Father
blessed i am to be filled of Your love
let the last of my life
to be available and share my life
AMEN
Bless i am
AMEN

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Thank you for what I am to receive today
Let us feel the awesome power of Your touch
Let us lean on each other as we speak Your name
to help us help ourselves
Your never ending Blessings
May we not take them for granted
Help us see and recognize them when given
In Jesus I trust
Amen

Father
Brother
Mother

Thank you for what I am to receive today

In Jesus name I rebuke any evil that tries to consume me
It is alive and it is called depression
Help us who enter the abyss
Pull us out of it and show us the light
Hold this boat up as life is to be treasured
Take us to a place where we can comfort one another
I understand when I am looked upon
Crippled in pain as I enter the world
They do not see the pain
All that is understood
"She needs aid in walking"
I dress in clean clothes
I wash my hair body put a little lipstick on
And I'm done
But because I do not complain about my pain
It is not recognized
To stop in the streets or step aside because pedestrians
just do not have the courtesy to maybe hold a door
I am floored at what this country
and the melting pot in this country
Has lost a sense of respect
All around
What is going on with our youths today
Only on rare occasions am I out
It hurts to take the elevator ride up or down
If one suffers the pain I speak of
YOU understand
This never to minimize any kind of pain or suffering
Father heal us
The one who help oneself
Give us your loving touch as you walk
Hand in hand when I ask for your help
Blessed I am to have a better grip on what is going on
with THIS body

Bless my friends I do not see here anymore
You know who you all are
I miss you
Pray you are
HAPPY WITH LIFE
that you remember me
As I remember you
Blessed I am to have a group of people
Who keep me afloat

Let me not be full of myself
But gently have to handle some
Grace me with grace
In Jesus I Trust
Love to the
World
Me