It is 10:54
Feels like im in heaven
Daughter made me a bake potato
On it iodized salt moderation
Scramble egg with REAL BUTTER
I question that too
and broccoli and cheese
Yum
WATER
JUST TO SHARE HOW GOOD I FEEL
BLESSED I AM TODAY
Take care of my babies
Happiness I wish to all
Amen

Father
Brother
Mother

Thank you for what I will receive today

As you bless me my heart soul my everything
Let me remember Your truth
The kind that makes you just fall to your knees
Love

Blessed I am to have You in my life

Blessed I am to have Your promises

Blessed I am trying to do the best I possibly can
under the most stressful kind of life

Blessed I am to have a sense of myself
and not full of myself

I have me to offer
As you have me live

Let my children know that I love them
even in the distance we have

Bless them with Your touch

Bless us all

Amen

Father
Brother
Mother

Blessed I am to receive your touch today
Blessed I am with the patience teaching my granddaughter
how to tell time the old fashioned way
It did not take much time
Blessed her little brain just loves to be fed
Blessings Father You alway send
And I am able to see Your love shine through
By the unseen blessings
Thank you for my heart is reseptive to all you offer
Amen

Father
Mother
Brother

i have to put up with my families turd
are they stupid
are they that self absorbed
the are making me sick
bless my day without anymore drama
having to hear some of the turd already is just not
right
i have no will to move forward when i am the only one
working at getting to nowhere land
i am getting tired of getting crappy news
i don't want to know anymore if it's bad news
my kid just stole a buck for something to drink
after asking her to go to the store for milk
$9.34 left on foodstamp card
she just spoke to her donor earlier today
he just telling her how he called child support
can you imagine
he was relieved of payment to child support
and said it would be easier if he gave it direct
never a penny more given
and lied to the judge about his salary
that's okay only he and i know the truth
i tell no lie
my heart is clean
i took care of my child with the little he gave
63.00 a week

i am not happy again someone getting away
with being dishonest
this is the last to have any contact
Bless me with Your strength
thank you God
i ask you to take us where you want us in Your care
i Jesus i trust
love
me

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for what i am to receive today
may i be strong in you faith
in Jesus
blessed are we to have someone
go to the cross for us
bless the promises we were given
if we believe in
Him
this i do
Amen

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Thank you for what I received in my day
In it some very eye opening stuff for my
youngest daughter
I have been able to talk with her about anything
Bless her with your strength
Lost
let her turn to you
I can talk till I'm blue in the face
She is trying
I will give her a bit
But she can see the truth
And it hurts
Others judging her
I see it
And she is not the cause
rather she would advise accordingly
She has grown some
Blessed you died for us
Amen

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

I had five very interesting phone conversation
Having my mother call me
And after opening up my door and heart to her
Told her I will not be a secret
She tells me I don't want him to know I came to your home
Still with these conditions
Father I have been a good daughter
To have a mother like mine
Not easy
To get her love
Not possible
She is self absorbed
Not to mention a addict now
My mother
Who would have figured
I called her on it
Told her I had seen her get out of control
with the help a friend who started her on the road to
disaster
She did not know it could get as bad as she did
And told her it wasn't her fault
She didn't know
But true
Father she says she is in pain
I do not doubt her
As it is her side of the family that we are who we are
All
the bone spine heart blood pressure kidney failure
List goes on an on
I am listening to my body
It is in a very bad way
Invisible to the eye for others
until they look into my eyes
Taking my picture
Most of the you can see me crying inside with the pain
It is not in my head
As matter of fact my head hasn't been in such a good place in I can't tell you how long
Well actually that day was the day before I laid down to take a five hour sleep before going to work at night with my city
11:00 PM to 6:00 AM
that was the last day
Seven years ago
In that time I have been to over thirty doctors
Over THIRTY
In the last seven years
Father except for one doctor my skin specialist
Dr. Ester Hershenboum (spelling?) who asked what had happened
I told her the problems I was left to live with

Turns our she too had a personal experience with Dr. P
Her son was in terrible shape
And went on to describe his demeanor
And challenged his therory
Did not disclose she was a doctor herself
Picked her son up
And walked out
Now
Father
I did my homework
I have heard he was a reputable doctor
And warned of his bedside manners
Something I was willing to overlook
If he was as good as they say

He lied to me after my second surgery
Could not look me in the eye
He knew what I was talking about
I heard him while under
Speak to either himself
Over me I hear
With my neck sliced open
"Take a look at this mess"
I do not doubt myself
As my son at two remembers he woke up when tvey took his tonsils out and ad adenoids removed
I was told he stirred

When I think of all the STUFF
UNBELIEVABLE I MIGHT ADD
PRETTY WEIRD STUFF
ALMOST TO THE POINT ONE COULD THINK
and I do not believe this
A curse was put on the family
I refer to it on a nicer note
"Bad luck"

I choose to
BELIEVE
BELIEVE that there is a better way
and in the end of the day nothing to worry about
For I am on a spirit filled road
As Jesus has it covered
Letting go
And letting God
Amen
Blessed I am to have The Lord in my life
Amen
Love
Me

Eva,

I so agree with you.....Letting go And letting God.

Love & Prayers,

Gerry

Dear Gerry
For the first time in my life

I am truly not in the way of anybody
As I pull away in a healthy way
Not vicious or hurtful
or spiteful
What comes my way isn't anything I ask for
It is put before me
To not talk about the past is a huge indication
I have much healing I have accomplished in life
only for it to be hit by salt
A wound forever
Maybe
I do not know
But know I am a better person today
sickness and all
because each and everyday it is kept real

For example
I spoke of my mother
Feeling her mortality
Told her after many years of no communication
My door is always open for my family
It is who I am
May it be the cause of my own demise
They are asking for me
She wants to be in my life as if it were okay
to keep me a secret
I'm fifty five
Finally a new person interested in me
Me on the elevator
Someone who I already spoke with
Having a call on the eve of Christmas
And on Easter Sunday
It has been a long time since someone new
be coming to meet my daughter and granddaughter
This something new
My life
My happiness
Me having to think of my sanity
As I am responsible for it
It may be a very depressing life story
Yet very true
VERY TRUE
It took a long time in my fathers death to forgive him
It will be a challenge with my mother wanting to manipulate
everything

My daughter Corissa
Able to see how I handle what is constantly
put before me
Over and over again

Please know
I feel at my best
under the most unusual circumstances
Letting go and Letting God
is in my saving Grace
Believing that I am just a spec
I am still we are still his child

Your concerns understood
I may repeat myself over and over again
as my stories to tell have me coming out in the end a stronger person
I had many lessons
Many repeated
I have a good sound mind
When I look at it all
I am not in control of anything
And I like it like that
I do not fight it anymore
It is much better today
Please know that
And the clock keeps on ticking
Even after I'm gone
May I have left a mark of The Lords work
That is all I am interested in
To be happy in The Lords presence
Love and hugs
Me

Eva,

Sometimes dwelling can have unwanted consequences. You appear to be in a much better place. To be happy in the Lord's presence is powerful.

Let Carissa know I think of her often; she is very "special".


Gerry