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Focus on Blessings 3

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Old 12-07-2018, 06:52 AM   #401
eva5667faliure
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Location: new jersey
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My Mood: Focus on Blessings 3
Default Having the will

With faith and hope that it doesnít hurt so badly
I have to take care of myself and throughout the day
Thank my Father
Thank him throughout my day
So much negativity in this life
I have no time for
Evil working overtime
My mind has the ability to rid of the pain yet not without my Father
Human I am a good person I try to be
I cry in the shower so no one can hear me
But Heavenly Father knows all
Every single hair on my head
I need surgery on my chest
On my right shoulder
Enough already
Enough
All having pain hurt this precious body
It has and continues to go through much having to manage much myself
Four grown spoiled brats
Four children I have
May they take their unhappiness out on me the only one who followed through good bad indifferent
I stuck it ou and gave up much for them
As only my Father knows
I have no more room for the pain they inflict upon me
No more no more
I have my grandchild whoís parents are nuts
Truly nuts with mental illness
To get a call from my daughter why I only can think to stir me up with what you may wonder
ďI think Iím pregnantĒ
My heart just dropped
A time I should be joyful
But she has no home to call her own
I have custody of my precious grandchild who Iím her everything
I have to make her life have meaning
A high honor student recognized as being gifted just received again her award for excellence in her academic work
I the only one there she couldnít take her eyes off me
Blessed I am to have fallen in love with this child
She has had a horrible beginning when her mother walks out the bathroom so high so incoherent my youngest to call the ambulance
She was just weeks old
And it never stopped
Itís going on eight years
So with hope faith and prayers we do on our way to school
May our day always have Heavenly Father in our hearts
Blessed
Yes
Blessed
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Old 12-14-2018, 05:40 AM   #402
eva5667faliure
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Location: new jersey
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My Mood: Focus on Blessings 3
Default Having the strength

As things happen around me and to this beautiful body
I am to be humbled and blessed
Somewhere in it all I am being blessed
Somewhere somehow I make it through the day
I would be lying if I said I wake happy
But after sometime as I lay in my own head
I ask Heavenly Father to visit me
To thank him for what I will receive in my day
I human
can see where I falter
I ask
please forgive me
I took my own will back
In this time to remember that a baby was born
Who lived and walked this earth
Suffer and was hung
Hung so we can be free
I need to remember that every single day
Every single moment
A mother who watched her son
I a mother astranged from my children
Who do not believe
A grandchild who prays with me every morning and night
Who isnít afraid to meet the King
I less than a speck on this earth to do what
I am just human on a path to only one place
Blessed that I get a pass
For he did die for the sins of this earth
Let me be a messenger
Let me truly feel the unconditional love
I so falter in my day and when I remember why Iím here my journey to the next life of no pain no sadness see my pets who loved like no other kind of love
Who am I
How do I want to be remembered
To have been the best mom possible
To have been the best grandmother ever
To have been a good human being
To do the work I was asked to do
Blessed I surly am
I just need to never forget
For things are very difficult now
And I have but my Heavenly Father to look to
And remember the life he walked
May I never forget
How in it all Iím blessed
Me
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Old 12-21-2018, 08:17 AM   #403
eva5667faliure
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My Mood: Focus on Blessings 3
Default To focus

To live by faith
Remind myself
His will be done
For his is the kingdom the power and the glory forevermore

Oh how I am being hit from all sides
All from my children
I have withdrawn myself from the chaos
And it follows me
The mother of my grandchild ungrateful
The father and mother harassing me
stopped paying child support minimal at that my daughter not paying anything
Until the judge I thing ordered him to pay
There will be a court date as he pleads not guilty to the charges
I will be ready and will fight with all my might giving it to Heavenly Father first and do what I am responsible for
My son call and leaves a message that he was evicted and is homeless all because he is an addict forgetting how he spoke to me at our last conversation and hurt me to the core
I cannot enable my son and his addiction and pray he doesnít die from an overdose
My eldest had very rude harsh terrible lies to throw my way and put an end to all the tries
And the most hurtful my youngest secretly taking money from her manipulative father I have no control over
handing her a car she does not deserve
A drop out and manipulative just like him as money the root of all evil in the wrong hands has dropped out of my life and my grand child who is so hurt as I am also watching her deal with the abandonment
Whatever happened to my family I donít have the energy to figure it out
All I know is I did the very best I could having to keep Jesus Christ alive and they do not believe
My son in his addiction would like to guilt me into feeling sorry for him
My granddaughter mother my child chooses the father who is abusive as she thinks she cannot do any better
What do I mean by that
To lean on herself not a rotten abusive father and son who hurts his mother
And my granddaughter was witnessing this many times
My eldest thinks she knows it all and is forgetting many things in the past
She to hanging on a man she married and never lived a lived alone

I donít get it
I consciously did not bring in a man into my life as I had a job
And that was to raise them

I look for the blessings to the lessons in it all
I never imagined my children would be the persons they all became
Jesus missing in their lives is where it all begins
And when I speak of it I am shut down
So they are not children
My eldest soon to be forty
As my son too
My third child mid thirties
My youngest twenty one and leaning on others for her desires

I was never that woman
Making conscious decision and choices
Putting my children before myself as their fathers had all rights just never exercised them
And now they are grown and blame me for their misery and pain they inflict upon themselves

The blessings
To be the lesson in it all
As I can see myself and can feel the sadness of it all
I never turned my back on them till now
I am not going to take the pain of their threats anymore
They stripped me of all my possessions
Not their fault but mine

Life has never been easy
As early as I can remember
I am qualified in many areas
Many

Here I am soon to be fifty eight
Raising another child of God
Put in my care and I took on the job
Fell in love with my granddaughter
A honor student
Who has Jesus in her heart
We pray and pray
For my job is not over

Blessings in the lessons
Oh so many lessons
Turning over all I have no control over
Leaving it in his hands
I teach my grandchild
To thank Heavenly Father for all he provides
As only he knows exactly what we need
Never to forget to thank Him for it
To trust Him in all

She is not afraid to meet Him
Please dear Father hold us tight
Never let us go
Guide us always towards the good
Give us the strength to make it right
Please hold us tightly
Never letting us go
To look at the lessons as they are the blessings you bestow upon us
May we not sin and turn to you to be lifted into your hands I give you me

Thank you for all the gifts we canít see with the human eye
Help all those who do not have you in their heart and let them find the way into you hands

For all those who do not have a home or food
Please provide
May we provide what we can
Let us never forget you walked this earth and died for our sins so we have the promise land freely

This world has so much evil
So many dying to drugs
The Internet evil on so many levels
But here to stay

Help me heal from the pain I endured
First from the two people I should have had fallen in love with but failed me and my sisters
Marriage for all the wrong reasons and left at a young age
Raised my children I was blessed to have been given
Now the pain they try to inflict upon me and blocked it
To concentrate on the last
My precious granddaughter

Blessings in the lessons
I pray that the sacrifices I have made making my children priority
Never bringing in a man to take me on with all my children
To have the opportunity to love and be loved in return before I die

So much pain and happenings that a child should never have to endure from a father who was mentally sick and a mother who knew seen and never did anything about it
To know my sister endured the same
This is how life began for us

From then on having to make choices and decisions with that always in the back of my mind always

The lessons began there
And my children have no clue

Hoping I serve you right by doing my very best and put you first and trust you will guide and provide me my grandchild
And my sick children exactly what we need

Thank you Heavenly Father
Thank you Jesus
Thank you Mother Mary
May all my sins be forgiven
In Jesus name
Amen
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Last edited by eva5667faliure; 12-21-2018 at 08:33 AM.
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