Me and my granddaughter 2014 Mothers Day

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Me and baby Eva again having fun on the beach

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my happy mothers day plus a picture of all three of my girls on Easter
decided after my morning meeting let's go to the beach
temp in the 80's did it in an hour time
Eva's first time Looooooved it
wants to go back
dear Father don't take me when i'm needed most
we were at the beach destroyed by Sandy
a place they grew up at when at the shore
its's been almost 4 years now sine last time Christy revitalized N.J. shore
i am really out of shape 140 lbs 2 years ago Cancer
at my best at 150
i am 180 lbs could use to loose 20 hoping to with the baby at the pool
made myself an awesome day no traffic home it was great took an hour back
stopped at the diner Mommy works at she is in the middle of my three girls
in the third picture
hope to sleep good tonight
my body is killing me
miss the sand under my feet
Eva Corissa Sara enjoyed their time with me

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Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for another day

Sweet Mother
what was she thinking
it did not resonate
till we got home
on our way down Sareve
turns and asks me
are you okay mom
said yeah why
well it's unlike
you
to
just pick up and do something
like this
are you planning to do something
to yourself
like what i thought
it hits me
she was asking if i was
going to take myself out
i assured her i would never do that
ever
it is something i needed to do
for myself
know one else was fixing on doing
it for me

The baby comes in my room this morning
says
mimma
i loved the beach
it was awesome
she so wanted to go on the adult rides
but oh Mother what a ride
down the shore
to smell the ocean
sea gulls picking up shells
rocks one nicer than the next
i ask her what was the best
she says the water
it was worth i must do more often

Corissa says
i had a great time
but it's so not you to do things
just like that
told her maybe
i should do it
much more often

thank you for yesterday
and will make more of them
Amen

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for another day

today a very important day
my sister i coming to draw my blood
the works will be done
i will hug my new doctor when i see him
he will let me know what the heck is going on
with this body
bring it back to life Father
let this body roar like it did not too long ago
make all well i beg you Father
i have so much to do to help this family
and all that is
is to allow me to be there when needed
Amen
my blessings in my day are to come
my your day be awesome!

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Thank you for another day

My sis will be here at 11:00
Nervous but ready to find out
what's up
Father let all be well
Please

Eva, our amazingly strong Eva, you are in my prayers. I pray that today and the coming weekend with your sister and family is peaceful, the stress of having the blood taken and the then expected time period where you all will be awaiting an answer will raise emotions to an all time high. Sadly for us all often when we are under additional emotional stress it seems some of (not all) our loved ones inevitably let us down in some unimaginable way. You will remain in my thoughts until we all hear from you. Be strong and take extra care to be safe in your home over this stressful coming week. You know of what I'm referring to.

Dear sweet friend
I will heed to the warning
My goodness may my open journal
Help others
As you have me
Blessings in a big way
Father Almighty be with us
at this trying time and the
love and care be my saving
Grace
Many many blessings
Amen

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for another day

thy will be done

Father
help me pull the darkness from
my brain
the voice in my head as i write
and find the words
there are times when i am weary
and i fall to tears
each time i cry
i get closer and closer
to you
i wonder why it has been
the way it has been
hope that in the end
your glorious son
Jesus Christ
his mother Mary
to have lived as human
and teach in Spirit
to have been around at the
time your son walked this earth
sent here by you
to save us from ourselves
like when i'm weak in Spirit
i find i Thirst for you
i crave your spirit
i am alone
i wonder will i ever
have the opportunity to love
another human
someone i can count on
someone who will look at me
and not be afraid of my
inner strengths you have given me
let that special someone in my life
my heart is so cold
my blessings i receive daily
i thank you for
my grandchild nor my children
are whom i not speak of
my physical extension
you used my body
honored me with motherhood
to bring your children into this world
i thank you
my love of you is real
my body reacts
my mind reacts
my spirit becomes alive
to keep it going i try
i ask you to help me understand
why i must be alone in all this
why is there not someone to hold
me touch me look into my eyes
and see my soul
to really look into my eyes
and love me for what one will
find
if you look into my eyes

Father
this body weary
a cane to hold me up
as the ability becomes harder
and harder not to fall
my gait is not working well
wishing it were
"drunkin love"
each day i wake i thank you
each night that comes i thank you
my knees and feet hurt so badly last night
all i could do was cry cry cry
what i hope to find out Thursday
is i do not have "metastatic disease"
i beg you Father
squeeze the sickness out of me
and breath in new life of painless
physically that wants to rob me
spiritually
yet i stay connected by the
Grace of God
my dog
to some just a animal
for some
for me
my friend
for me dedication
for a healer
my reason to continue to get the love
would look into my eyes and just know
now where he needs to ultimately be
with my epileptic baby 33
will not bring s child into the world
for all medication she was on
for the amount of time
and just the last of her 10 year depression
and finally got her fire back
is a miracle in itself
to have gone through the what if's
all the surgeries
blessings from our dog
to hold him
to love him
is the closest she will allow herself
it would be to selfish of her she says
to bring a child into this world
with her life
i understand

blessings to our pet
thanking him as a pup
to have given such unconditional
companionship for us humans
i miss him and love him

Father
i have but faith
in YOU
that you did send us
our lord
as we know You are
Lord God
and i thank you
having Blessed us
sins debt free
and that is if
WE believe
as i do
forgive us
as we are sinners
Amen

blessings are all around us
open yourself up
and hold on to It
as long as you can

LOVE to the world
me

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Thank you for another day


"He will appear a second time
Apart from sin
But for salvation"
Hebrews 9
Verse 28

I have had a pretty hard day
My child I give a place to lay
her weary body and head
After coming home from work
She picked up after she was done
now I have gotten to the point
She will not destroy and
let a fourth generation
become entangled into a
Total loss

No doubt Little Eva
loves
She stayed up as long as her body
could stand it and fell asleep
finally "waiting up for mommy"
I am a smart loving mother
After her negligent behavior
I waited till this morning calming
asking her
"At what point did you say to yourself
I'm going to pick up?
Just curious
Asking kindly leave out the bull turd
I told her
Do not forget who your talking too
With all the help I have to offer
is first for my grandchild
Who I reminded her
I was saddened to hear pregnant
And after two who did not come into
this world KILLS ME
So to say Christine was in a good self
sufficient young beautiful way was not
the case
And now I am the one appointed one to
care for her
This another crutch of an excuse
I explained you must be sober before ANYTHING
until then to kindly arrange for a place to stay
Eva is who I am thinking of
as she chooses to be incapable of watching her
It took her a half an hour to come from lobby to
19th floor

She just came in the room
Saying there is a room for rent
I said whatever needs to be done

No an easy desion to make but must

Father in this whirlwind of a storm
that doesn't show any let up not
to stay focused
She cannot use any excuse
she tries to come up with

Oh Father
Help her stop
It will be forth generation
And I will try to protect her
Amen
Please
Amen