day at mommy's job
just before the chicken and fries
she had a bowl of Yankee bean soup
had a good time
Corissa taking picture
mommy waiting tables

Attached Thumbnails

 

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for another day

she had a great time
my nephew stayed home
he is a year older almost to date
by two weeks
she is in love with an addict
introduced her to a cheaper
way to pain relief
only she has crossed the line
and is trying to clean up her
body
he does not live home with her
and my nephew
my brother-in-law is living there
to allow my nephew to maintain
a high cost for schooling him
something i hope he will appreciate
he maintains honor status for a all boy
reputable school

my sister is two years younger than
myself
had her left palm to wrist on left arm
fused reason for pulverized bones in hand
idiopathic
WHAT
degenerative bone disease
she know has a plate in that hand and wrist
she tells me all the time
working in NYC
if someone should try to assault her
she could knock them out with her wrist
alone
and also had lower lumbar surgery
microscopically rods and all
she was cut in the front
and entered in back with the rods
she is a success story
it was so good to see her play
with my granddaughter
i can't wait for her to become
a grandma
as much as i wish she could
clean up from all of it
her husband who moved in with
enabling mother
and he has a great job
a union still taken seriously
gone because he is ill with a second liver
a alcoholic and heroin addict
dad where are you when your family needs
you most
how ****ing bad was it
i remember so many factors
i remember as clear as crystals
why did you abandon us
you left us for the wolves
a parent who was selfish
and didn't have a clue
at one point my sister turned
to me at the pool sitting on the edge
our feet in knee high
admiring two women
may they have been sisters
or long time friend
"look eva,
that's going to be us"
i wanted to say
we are already there
i am so glad she had a blast
we are such a small family
sometimes i wonder if it will
die out here in the USA
as all my family is in Hungary

so

happy to have given her a good day
we made it into the water
and continue our conversation
and when playing with baby Eva
precious
AMEN!
blessed a good day with
with hopes to do it again
thy will be done
AMEN!

wishing all a blessed day!

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Thank you for another day

Went to the pain doctor
Was asked as he points and quickly
looks at them and says
So when will you be getting a scan
of the balloons
I told him my oncologist is seen
every three months
I don't get it
When I have to see him every month
To manage this monster pain that has
engulfed this worn body
My tears as this flows with all
the other folks out there with this
invisible monster that live and
has a life of its own
"It" has a heartbeat of its own
I feel the electrical surges go through
me like a knife
My lumbar takes the cake
It is not a happy place to be
when the throb is not in sync with
another area of the body
To remember that I'm still here
I have so much to give
Yet in a freeze on days like today
My hands throb
To have my pain wake me from sleep
Oh Father
I read so many stories
Bring us peace in our day
I will carry my cross until I
cannot any longer
Allow me the strength of mind to
be the best I can under these crappy
situations that come this way
I rebuke all evil
I am your child dear Father
As my children go through life
let them come to you in despair
May we all get a break from this
PAIN I call a monster
In Jesus name
Amen!

Dear Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Thank you for another day

My daughter is just driving me nuts
Bad enough having to go through my changes
I have to listen to her upset ways when the baby
sees her aunt Corissa her exact words were
"she interrupted quality time by the baby becoming
rambunctious"
And I said
and so
Did that give her reason to slam the doors
Absolutely NOT NOT
and yet this is how she is behaving now
yesterday evening she had somewhere to go
said she will be home 9:30 well 12:30 she strolls in
Now I ask anyone
What I already know
told her find a place to stay
she cannot behave like she does
PMS ADDICTION POOR BEHAVIOR
all not to be the reason you treat me
her mother like turd
I'm appalled she is so angry I
have custody
It really bothers her that my youngest
child
Eva's aunt disrupts her child when leaving my room
As the room of Corissa was given to her and little Eva
Father I beg you
Hell her help herself
This is becoming overwhelming unnecessary and unhealthy
I'm sick of it
It's a vicious cycle
And she needs help
help that she knows needs
to be done
She forgets this is all the way it is because of her
HER HER HER NONE OTHER BUT HERSELF
it's nuts Father
Father calm her
Let her go to work
And not go out to get high
I beg you
In Jesus name
I believe
Help her Father
In thanks and praise

Prayers for you and your family continue. Hang in there. You are so needed.


Gerry

Dear Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Holding on
Is all I can do
I constant dialogue with you
The Amighty
I was in bed most of the day yesterday
My head and neck not forgiving
My upper back mostly right side
And I push through
Saturday I forgot to take afternoon Meds
And that when this pain took over
I had so much fun watching my granddaughter
and Saraeve play
Brought tears to my eyes
as Saraeve will not be able to have children
due to all the medicines
So mommy rang the bell be back in a few
To my friends thank you for the support
Love
Me

so it's me
she left for work
and my family is settling down a bit
oh how the male population think "it"
be something i can control
expect me to be the old me was
something
that would never come to life
always hoping i had a chance to be the glue that
holds all of us together
this i try even faking it
but i fail sometimes and breakdown
they understand and help in return
mom went to work
we will pray all will be good for her
we will do what we can
Amen!

Father
Mother
Mother Mary

i have such a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach
it takes over my whole being
it is dark
it doesn't feel good
it has always been in my life
it comes and takes over
it is hurtful
it is powerful
it won't leave me
it hurts
it hurts so hard
it takes the joy of life from me
it brings on tears like no other
it does not want me to have simple joys of life

i go through the motions
i fake it hoping it will catch on
nothing
this is no life for me
this is not happiness
this is real
this is not something i wish for
but it is there lurking through me

there are far more down then ups
in this family
my negativity is something new to me
i am not used to it
it makes me feel i do not belong here
it pushes and pushes it way through

my depressions are born watching my family struggle
all life had in store for me was and still is my own head
i let things get to me
not intentionally
much of it comes to me
asking for my help
and i'm just so tired
of what you may think
tired of the work it takes to get through the day
to want to live
this evil that lurks
and wants my soul
NEVER
NEVER
NEVER will i give my soul to the devil
this too shall pass
i pray sooner than later
tomorrow we go as a family to the pool
my sister eldest daughter and her hubby
little Eva Corissa weather is suppose to be awesome
i pray for this to pass
in Jesus i trust
Amen!

Father
Brother
Mother

Oh for this hopeless feeling pass
There is a terrible hold
My feelings a number of
NEGITIVE factors
My well being affecting my mind
Ripping away at this soul
I stay close to you Father
Brother hold me tight
Mother give me your strength
There is reality still to settle in
The thaught of not being a productive
human out in the workforce and even though
I have put in my time
you get that one Father
as you were there all my life
Why must I suffer depression
at this point in life
why must it be so overwhelming
and out of coping skills
I talk with my shrink
This week will be interesting
he just listens and confirms
"no an easy life Eva"
No turd
get this out of me
I don't want it anywhere near it
It consumes to much of my life
Strips me of happiness
I hate being restricted
I hate having to take Meds
I hate my depression because of it
I hate that my family suffers
I hate that evil has such a hold
I hate the people who hurt me
I hate the hospitals
I have no trust in the human anymore
I have given of myself in ways that gone
above and beyond anything to help my
family
I hate the misconduct of anyone disrespectful
towards anyone who was just there for you in
everyway
There a blessings among us at all times
It is the evil that robs it from you
To fight this ruthless dare I say cancer
It is powerful and I must overcome this feeling
Of hopelessness
It isn't
It is this rat that keeps stealing the day
Let it shine in my heart
Let me kick this thing in its ***
Let me be that take charge everyday
every moment
Let me not loose it
I know my plate is full
I also know one situation at a time
This to I know will ease up a bit
Never discouraging my baby
Taught them the stars are theirs
I need to practice this myself
I have never experienced what I did
two days ago
"It" is slowly lifting
Hope not to be visited
by it sometime soon
Me

Eva,

I so understand your feelings. I have suffered from depression most of my childhood. After birth of children; especially the third; I learned years afterwards from a new doctor that I must have suffered very severe Post Partum Depression. Through the Grace of God, I slowly climbed out of that "dark hole". But once experienced; it is always there waiting to claim it's hold on you. It is a lifetime battle. Eventually I learned to avoid many of the signs that would try to claim me.

I pray daily to the Holy Spirit to grant me the Grace, Strength, Courage and willingness to cope and accept what God permits to happen to me. And to Guard, Strengthen, Spare me from Despair, Despondency, Depression, Hopelessness, Fear and Anxiety; filling me with love enthusiasm for God, for my Faith and my life.

The awful pain we are dealing with makes us an easy target for depression. Knowing God is walking this walk with me gets me thru each day. I pray for all of us who are dealing daily with this battle.

This will pass and the bright times will reappear.


Gerry