What if your day has not gone as planned?
What if things seemed off kilter?
What if pain was awful and life ......well, sucked.....?
Could you, would you be able to feel Blessed?
I submit yup, you would.
It is all in perspective and perception.
There is something, no matter how seemingly tiny, which is for each today a blessing.
Truth be told, this is what has buoyed me through the decades.
Blessing.
A sky with warmth, or cold, with stars of night or sun of day,
A family member, or several of them,
A friend.....even one
A meal, for which I am thankful
Something to wear
A kindness, whether conferred or received,
Love, no matter whence it comes, to be loved even in friendship is blessing
The simple thing of just resting....between spasms of pain sometimes
How about taking a single Ghirardelli chocolate chip and letting it melt on my tongue.....a blessing, that....
I so enjoy blessings.....
Don't you?

chocolate
did someone say chocolate

Blessings come in many forms; but "chocolate", "sweets"; Oh My....I am overdoing many of these blessings lately. Unfortunately, they do not take a positive look on this body; but; "Oh Soooo Good" at the moment. Maybe, then, just for a little while instead of pain; we enjoy.

Yes indeed, Blessings are there, comes in many ways, just need eyes to see them. They are there!!!



Gerry

My body aches so badly
All I read is the bleak prognosis
of secondary cancer
The pain described I experience
Oh let this not be true
My blood will be taken
and I will be scanned by a
new machine that will go
to the molecular level
That will be in two weeks
Father stop my brain from doing anymore
Mother I cannot imigine the pain leaving
my family behind
Brother hold me
hold me tight
Squeeze the pain from my body
All symptoms are there
America Cancer Society on matatastic disease
my breast cancer is primary and loves bone
my hips knees feet throb
as I mention time and time again
my elbows my change in urinating
including bowel
and of course to opioids used help that
my pain in the bones hips started after
removal of both breasts
Brother carry me
Father make me strong again
My Spirit bruised
Previous problems seem to be trumped
the ****** up turd is I prayed to bring me home
the pain unbearable
This new type of scan machines name "I Thrive"
is what my new internists shall do along with a slew
of blood work
To have read all I could scares the turd out of me
Life expectancy is two years
This I did and should not have read
and I did
What else am I left with I know my body
something is going on
And I pray for it to be a miracle at work
Rip it from my body melt it away
Keep me sane
We just came from court
I have custody of my grandchild
Corissa needs me Eva needs me
my children need me
will I be spared to still be here for them
I can't explain the hurt the pain the fear of leaving them behind as they are not doing well physically too
Michael my boy will have heart surgery
Christine has diabiaties with her drug addiction she fights
everyday Saraeve and her epilepsy
Corissa lost in this world I must help her and Eva now
and I have only my two sisters younger than I both also
fighting their demons
and that's it
A father who checked out by killing himself
A woman who birthed us and wants nothing to do with us
as her man and his children became hers
And there she wrote
Hold on to me Father
Brother Mother Mary
I do believe
Forever yours
Me

Eva, I read your posts and the pain you face unimaginable, yet there it is in black and white. How is it you could be served with more than your fair share of the pie.

I know it's frightening to have read up on all that you have, I hear you lamenting that you did, yet I too would do the same. We are not women who sit idly by waiting for what may pass our way. Better to be prepared, better to know what needs to be done to live what life we have to the full in the time that we have, better to safeguard the future of those who will always know what you have done for them and better to pray for the miracle that may come, all this rather than be taken unawares.

We, your NT family are with you, say what you must, rant when you need and cry without fear. We are here for you every step of the way, painful as it will be for you, we will still live on in hope and in awe of all that you have achieved. I say we because I know it will be more than just me.

Dear Pam
Your words sooth my heart some
you have me pegged
thank you for the support
it sucks when things just pile on
and the mound never seems to move
Yet the fear of the unknown and the wait
well you know of course
You and all here do allow me to share
and know as you have already reached out
For this is God at work through persons such
as yourself who has an understanding
And in it all for sure is a reason
My love to you my friend my shoulder as well
Forever
Me

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for another day

going to bed crying
waking up crying
is not a good thing
to work myself up is senseless
yet there still are no definitive
answer yet
i have a hard time as it is
yet i want to educate myself
so in the company of my doctor
i have an understanding of what
he is saying
this is what i do
try to get as much information
about my diagnosis this past January
i want so badly for the pain i feel in my lumbar
area that is active
not be the worse case scenario
secondary cancer of the bone
primary my breast cancer
crying crying crying just increases
all the bad things that are happening
to have two surgeon tell me
will not do surgery
"to many things are going on"
OKAY
what the blank does that mean
here now a doctor has taken me on as
a new patient not brushing off my diagnosis
Father help him show him what must be done
"i am a very interesting case"
he will not stop
this means the world to me
i do not want to be a burden
nor do i want to die prematurely
oh what a horrible feeling this is
it is so hard to sit idle and wonder

Father
i lack happiness
i don't mean my children
or grandchild all are my joy
but the happiness that shows on my face
not the frown sadness unknown fear
all poison
it is recommended i entertain the pool
something we already do
and it does do wonders
looking forward to it
your Love should be enough
i need help
i must find happiness
if i continue to feel as i do
i bring everyone else down
hence isolation
in my room
wondering wondering
what next
thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven
AMEN!