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04-24-2014, 07:48 PM | #21 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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will review meylogram report
and mri will see him again May 22nd will start with blood work and take it from there my new internist me still waiting
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someone who cares eva |
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04-25-2014, 07:23 AM | #22 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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dear Father
Brother Mother Mary thank you for another day today i woke up and thought to myself what is happening and what did i do to **** you off as new doc John D'Acoonti a pain specialist taking me on as a patient also an internist Father i am an interesting patient to him he will review the two reports and will asses what to do in the mean time i am having specif blood work will have been ready for the doctor this has been a long tiring day i have nowhere to go he recommended the pool this i will do did i upset you if i did i'm sorry i'm so sorry me
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04-29-2014, 10:41 AM | #23 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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dear Father
Brother Mother Mary thank you for another day it is a gloomy day cold body twitching in the night how i must make my promise it has been going slowly in the right direction Christine is working we Corissa and myself watching Eva Corissa is now in the process of having to get her GED preferably on line and work part time and find out what she wants to learn to make a career and love what she does i still feel i did the best in decision making with her it did not matter i always was in contact and it fell on deaf ears no one took her under their wing if anyone was paying attention they could see why when she was in class a natural A-B student there are only so many zeros and you fail period had her repeat the grade all through the second year on the phone with her guidance gave teachers my number was it ever used yes her math teacher and that was short lived no one listened most importantly she was able to see her faults as did her donkey butt father but this now is way too late as they now left my child behind "no child left behind" bull turd dear Father you know my input in all of this what we are working on i will not let her fall any further it is my job to help her support her please help me with her not to ever feel she cannot talk to me as i am an open book with my kids they still look for my input Father i would one day see all my children in a get together as adults under my roof and see with loving eyes and know you are the inspiration the reason to live life to the fullest and praise the Father who makes things happen your spirit lives in this apartment and will live on forever and ever Amen! may your day be filled with the Lord and his promises Amen!
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someone who cares eva Last edited by eva5667faliure; 04-29-2014 at 10:51 AM. Reason: typos |
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04-30-2014, 02:48 PM | #24 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Father
Brother Mother Mary Thank you for another day We are wakened again Pain in my sleep Hips knees throb A beat of there own Awakened again To be in this world is not easy Rather for myself it isn't easy The pit of my stomach is lost Or is it the pit of my heart Either case it does no feel good Father Guide this lost heart I need to find something that fills this hole Father you know what I speak of Not to go into depression I do not know why Spoke to my psychotherapist a good session As he reminded me "It's not you" Yet everything around me i wind up becoming responsible for He understands me he's begun to get me He too a father Be it may I live with this horrible feeling for the rest of my life So be it Maybe I'll fake it till I get there Nope not me too may need me I get passionate in everything I do But when my life is still I am alone On that physical and emotional pain Who wants to be a burden to anyone Who wants to listen to my bull turd I have given my all and continue to That will never change My love for the human who understands the road my life and all the unecessary drama The addict in all of my family To experience watching my oldest go through what her dealt cards were to have removed a part of her brain in hopes to stop her seizures and the slew of out of touch pharmaceutical companies and the outrageous price they are is a CRIME TO LISTEN TO THOSE ON HERE SUFFER What ever the case may be When I read how overly interested when in trial mode of a SCS and or Pain Pump To have a diagnosis like my most recent MRI in itself and hold it all together is certainly a task it creeps up out of nowhere bites me in the butt all over again How is it I move on One moment at a time stay focused I am Gods child We will be taken care of As a human that had her life change as much as mine in almost four years now only what I can handle This much I understand I have many blessings in my life and I must continue to remember I am only in control of me And can only be there when I'm needed To help Corissa find passion in her life AND GO FOR IT She was taken out of school as it should be a safe place A place to learn keep a child's interest This was not the case So new avenues we must take Her progress is slow We had to start at the very BEGINNING Baby steps The PHONE limited All from the beginning listening skills Following through Take care of things without being asked HONESTY the most important of all rules I thank God and will never doubt that his son died for our sins Forgive me of my sins Amen I am such a passionate human being a passionate mother and grandmother It is just this weight of all the turd I have to deal with alone in real life But made up in my cyber family who I know are real and share their experience strength and hope for the future And that's just live it when you can I am so tired of talking of the pain It is there I can't help it Until my diagnosis is figured out what the blank it means maybe by then things will be different but for now this empty feeling Is it in my gut Is it in my heart Is it in my head It is what it is There is no option I must follow through There are times I MUST SAY "NO" Maybe then I'll see things how they really Corissa has to learn all the way from the beginning It is difficult looking at her and yet to show me simple orders things she should be able to do simply Yet that isn't the case I am floored at the status of the situation just blown the blank away Blessings dear Father For a loving Son a mother who watched him die Thy will be done On earth as it is in Heaven Jesus my brother I know you lived in this world as a human I am human living Spiritually in such depth at times I can go on and on in my head the intensity real Your powers real Your promise real Your love real Your Fathers gift Your Father in his soft flannel worn shirt with the aroma of love Blessings you say Ask Father keep me alive long enough so I can see my lineage do well Be healthy I have too much to do with my family Eva needs me I miss my dog Me
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05-01-2014, 07:09 PM | #25 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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THAT is Some post! Grateful for all of it, I am.
Thank you for being a Blessing. |
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05-01-2014, 07:19 PM | #26 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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What if your day has not gone as planned?
What if things seemed off kilter? What if pain was awful and life ......well, sucked.....? Could you, would you be able to feel Blessed? I submit yup, you would. It is all in perspective and perception. There is something, no matter how seemingly tiny, which is for each today a blessing. Truth be told, this is what has buoyed me through the decades. Blessing. A sky with warmth, or cold, with stars of night or sun of day, A family member, or several of them, A friend.....even one A meal, for which I am thankful Something to wear A kindness, whether conferred or received, Love, no matter whence it comes, to be loved even in friendship is blessing The simple thing of just resting....between spasms of pain sometimes How about taking a single Ghirardelli chocolate chip and letting it melt on my tongue.....a blessing, that.... I so enjoy blessings..... Don't you? |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | eevo61 (05-07-2014), eva5667faliure (05-01-2014), ger715 (05-02-2014), Hannabananna (05-02-2014), PamelaJune (05-03-2014) |
05-01-2014, 07:45 PM | #27 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Quote:
did someone say chocolate
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someone who cares eva |
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05-02-2014, 10:08 AM | #28 | ||
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Magnate
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Blessings come in many forms; but "chocolate", "sweets"; Oh My....I am overdoing many of these blessings lately. Unfortunately, they do not take a positive look on this body; but; "Oh Soooo Good" at the moment. Maybe, then, just for a little while instead of pain; we enjoy.
Yes indeed, Blessings are there, comes in many ways, just need eyes to see them. They are there!!! Gerry |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | eevo61 (05-07-2014), eva5667faliure (05-02-2014), Hannabananna (05-02-2014), Mark56 (05-02-2014), PamelaJune (05-03-2014) |
05-06-2014, 09:42 PM | #29 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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My body aches so badly
All I read is the bleak prognosis of secondary cancer The pain described I experience Oh let this not be true My blood will be taken and I will be scanned by a new machine that will go to the molecular level That will be in two weeks Father stop my brain from doing anymore Mother I cannot imigine the pain leaving my family behind Brother hold me hold me tight Squeeze the pain from my body All symptoms are there America Cancer Society on matatastic disease my breast cancer is primary and loves bone my hips knees feet throb as I mention time and time again my elbows my change in urinating including bowel and of course to opioids used help that my pain in the bones hips started after removal of both breasts Brother carry me Father make me strong again My Spirit bruised Previous problems seem to be trumped the ****** up turd is I prayed to bring me home the pain unbearable This new type of scan machines name "I Thrive" is what my new internists shall do along with a slew of blood work To have read all I could scares the turd out of me Life expectancy is two years This I did and should not have read and I did What else am I left with I know my body something is going on And I pray for it to be a miracle at work Rip it from my body melt it away Keep me sane We just came from court I have custody of my grandchild Corissa needs me Eva needs me my children need me will I be spared to still be here for them I can't explain the hurt the pain the fear of leaving them behind as they are not doing well physically too Michael my boy will have heart surgery Christine has diabiaties with her drug addiction she fights everyday Saraeve and her epilepsy Corissa lost in this world I must help her and Eva now and I have only my two sisters younger than I both also fighting their demons and that's it A father who checked out by killing himself A woman who birthed us and wants nothing to do with us as her man and his children became hers And there she wrote Hold on to me Father Brother Mother Mary I do believe Forever yours Me
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"Thanks for this!" says: | eevo61 (05-07-2014), Hannabananna (05-07-2014) |
05-06-2014, 10:44 PM | #30 | |||
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Senior Member
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Eva, I read your posts and the pain you face unimaginable, yet there it is in black and white. How is it you could be served with more than your fair share of the pie.
I know it's frightening to have read up on all that you have, I hear you lamenting that you did, yet I too would do the same. We are not women who sit idly by waiting for what may pass our way. Better to be prepared, better to know what needs to be done to live what life we have to the full in the time that we have, better to safeguard the future of those who will always know what you have done for them and better to pray for the miracle that may come, all this rather than be taken unawares. We, your NT family are with you, say what you must, rant when you need and cry without fear. We are here for you every step of the way, painful as it will be for you, we will still live on in hope and in awe of all that you have achieved. I say we because I know it will be more than just me. |
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