Gunny, I guess it sounds like getting the apparatus removed will be a Valentine's gift for the time being.

I agree with Pam, it might be a good idea to contact your rep asap. He may be able to dial the unit down or reprogram it while you are still in the trial period. It's worth a try.

Again, please keep us posted.


Gerry

Hello All.

Nothing new to report on the SCS issue. It did NOT work as we thought, and we are back to square one on trying to find ways to treat this pain. I will surely keep all updated on what my awesome Pain Doc does next, but right now I would TRULY like to thank Gerry for sending me a PM that was so moving it not only brought tears to my eyes, but made me really feel so welcome and so honored to be part of this forum - and to be his "Friend!"

I replied to you just now Gerry - so I'm not sure which you will see first, this post or my PM. Either way, know that I am with you my brother! Thanks again!

Anyone who wishes to share their own experiences with me PRIVATELY I will always remain extremely discreet with the content and you will NEVER EVER see me post up ANYTHING involving it here in an open forum as long as I live! - Same goes for me, Id like to think that everyone here is as trustworthy and would listen to what I say from heart , never repeating it to anyone else. Some things are meant to remain between "Friends" and not be aired to the general public. I definitely have some of those stories from Iraq and have no issue sharing them, but at this point I dot feel comfortable doing so out in the open. I hope no one is offended since they are very sensitive in nature ok? Until then. Im here for anyone should you wish to reach out to me via PM or email. GunnyFitz@yahoo.com

So many of you have been my true inspiration and have helped me get thru some of the toughest times of my life - yes, even harder than 21 years in the Corps! LOL.
Stay strong my friends!

Gunny

Wow
Haven't been on here in forever!!
The SCS did NOT work so I've just been fighting my way thru life day by day, Opiod tolerance off charts, fell into illicit drugs to help numb my body and pain. Now depression is head over heels and it's looking like I'm going back into another Residential In Patient PTSD Program but also to detox and get on Suboxone. However, I then worry about my Cervical Spine pain and not having anything to quell it. This is all a vicious *** circle isn't it? And yes I've been having heavy suicidal ideations too. Last time I felt like going that route I'm lucky it was my mother's birthday and I could NEVER EVER leave the world on her b'day like that. Never.
So I hope to be in another program within a few weeks and I'll try my best to update myself here. Sorry to leave some of you hanging and thanks to those of you who reached out to me via private msg too. Means alot. Talk with you all soon. Hope you're all doing ok with your own battles of pain. God bless

Gunny

Oh Gunny, I'm so sorry, I'm writing from hospital in a severe pain cycle but I don't think mine is in any way comparable to what you have endured. You deserve a good life Gunny, you've served your country and it's time they serve you. Suboxone I'm told by my DB is effective with a supportive environment and planned approach. If you could tap into illicits please try to use your ebbing strength to tap into a support group, use whatever you need to keep you grounded and here with us, & you're right, your mam will never forgive herself.

My fiancé took his life with a bullet after serving his country many years ago now. Alcoholism got the better of him and neither his mother nor I were ever quite able to find peace with his choice. His mum who is gone now too always said she wished she had paid for him to fly out to join me, she felt convinced if I'd been by his side we'd have had a different result. Me, I've wondered also but I know he was racked with guilt over the child S he conceived while drunk. So, I consciously made the decision not to live a life with what ifs. I had to. I wonder at times if it was in the genes, H dad took his life before he was 35, he left 2 young boys, H knew how traumatised they all were after that event, so no matter how many what ifs I role play, I come back to the belief he was on another playing field and I don't believe I could have reached him. But I do believe a stranger might have, someone who knew nothing of his life, his joys, his demons & whatevers. It took me years to come to grips with his choice, even though I wasn't there, even though I didn't find him, I have a vivid picture in my mind as it was described to me, so vivid it's as if I were there.

And as you know I have now another life, (the irony is not lost on me my now husband of 25 years is an alcoholic in recovery) but I've kept an eye on the life of his child S from afar through H mum, after she passed I reached out to S & I've maintained sporadic touch with his only child (as I said conceived through drunk behaviour) he took his life before she was born and sadly the mother took her life with an illicit overdose before the child S was 2. I think their combined bad behaviours drew them together but as I wasn't there I'll never know.

On top of that H own father took his life So she never knew her dad, mum or grandfather all she knows and says is they got sick. She's asked me a few times if I knew H before he got sick. They all took their life for differing reasons but ultimately emotional pain. S has no memories or photos of her father (she actually doesn't recall her mum either) but I was able to share recently photos of H in his uniform, on ship, and on land. I tactfully didn't share any of he and I together, but I did find letters from her grandmother where she talked about H along with Xmas cards. I don't think his daughter needs know the angst, she thinks he and her mum had a solid relationship, she knows who I am though, I've found some letters from him to me recently, so maybe she does know more...She asked me once, you knew my dad before he got sick... ripples from one taking their life are vast, think of it like a flute with notes that go on and on, just as a butterfly wings would go on. I wonder Gunny if you could find peace and comfort from the suicide forum group on here. Alfie is great to talk to. And also on the alcohol and substance group you might want to reach out to Icehouse, Wide0 & Kiwi. We're all here for you Gunny, any time day or night, the beauty of NT is we are world wide and someone is always awake & willing to listen, engage in dialogue or just chew the fat.

BEWARE / Bewarned I've just been given the Medazolam orally (first time ever in liquid from) so I'm quite possibly talking out of my proverbially rear end. I just want to help Gunny you've struck a chord with me. Hang in there please, from all of us. Most importantly if I've over shared, said to much. I'm so very sorry, for that I'm sorry, if you want me back in a box, tell me. I must admit I do feel quite strange, I wonder if I can move my limbs, going to give it a whirl. Watched me get told off....

Nope no movement without pain, nut I tried? DB have our 25 this coming year in August. I'm thinking an overland plane 8 nights within

To hear it did not work
So sorry
So sorry
As your mental state is critical
As we try and find relief of the pains we live with every second of our life to do anything for relief even those horrible thoughts I never thought I would ever think
But I have I cannot take action but put up with it like it or not having lived a sucide as my father a amputee took his life at the age of 47
I don't have it in me
But the fact that I even think it sickens me
How can I say in one moment I will carry my cross as it is my cross and another moment say I want out it's all to everything
I'm sick of the doctors who cannot figure out what's going on the pictures of hands and feet just stumped I can't make it just happen but I'm loosing the ability to use my hands and stand on my feet
And then I have a child who has nobody to take care of and manage to make it happen like it or not
She is getting older and will always be that teaspn to push into the day
Honestly I have no choice but to do what I was born to do
Raise and rear them
One other child my grand baby
Your furry best friend be your babies
Pam having all that love around her
Lots of work
But to loose into their eyes and understand them
Just awesome
I am praying for you that Heavenly Father touch you with a miracle
You did the best you could
The best you could
Funny
How after my second failed PCDF and all the things I have learned to just live with such as water like feeling in my ears
Just something I don't pay attention to
The things so many of us have to just live with
May joy finds its way into your Spirit
Me

Gunny,

Pam has given very solid advice, as well as past experiences.

The ...Suicide forum would be a good start. Icehouse, WideO and Kiwi are also very strong with their wisdom and experiences having to deal with the thread/site... Alcohol Induced Neuropathy (you might want to check this out as well.) Their drug of choice was/is alcohol; but it still deals with addiction, as well as the pain of Neuropathy.

Gunny you were very thoughtful to think of you mother; especially in a time of desperation. Wish you all the best in your endeavor. I understand dealing with the pain and the need to withdraw from overuse is scary. Please give it your best as you have done for our country.


Gerry

Hello there everyone!

Love to write you all a long msg in reply to the kind, caring, supportive ones you have sent me here above over what seems to have been a LONG TIME since I started this thread!
Im thinking of starting a new thread just to update those who Ive communicated with in the past and TRY TRY TRY to begin using this site again.

What I will do is start another thread and link it to this one so it brings those kind folks into it. Plus bring you up to speed on what Im up to now ya know?
So STAND BY......................



Ps. BTW- Not sure if I mentioned this within the thread here before. But any of you members who are THINKING of, in midst of, or had done, anything involving the SCS Trials or Permanent installations, I found an OUTSTANDING group of people on Facebook who were extremely helpful to me and provide so much useful information its awesome! I highly encourage you to request them to accept your "Friend Request" to join!!!

Log into Facebook | Facebook

PS (Again) - For those kind members here who supported me during the SCS Trial etc, I started a new thread with my current plight which I'd like to link you folks to if interested. Here's the link:

https://www.neurotalk.org/medication...unny-fitz.html