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Sexual Disorders & Sexuality For frank discussions of sex due to a disorder or physical limitations. May contain descriptive sexual talk. |
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02-09-2007, 08:11 AM | #1 | ||
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My partner and I are in crisis. We've been together for one year and have only had sex about three times in all that time. Before he met me, I had sex with a lot of people - I was wild. I had sex with whoever looked my way, letting myself be taken advantage of. I was an absolute mess and a complete tramp. And then I met my boyfriend and it felt like I could relax. there was no pressure to anything I didn't want to and somehow in that freedom, I felt I didn't have to have sex and it made me feel better about myself. I've had a long term relationship before and it was the same. We didn't have sex and it was the ruin of the relationship. Just like it is with my partner now- it is ruining things between us. I can't seem to explain to him what's wrong with me. He thinks me not having sex is only particular to him because he knows I was with a lot of men just before I met him. I can't seem to communicate well enough to him that my insecurities about sex, and how weird it makes me feel is the reason I had a lot of sex and the reason I also at times don't have sex at all. What can I do? I am so confused, and I am having so much trouble explaining to my partner how I feel. Any thoughts? Anyone have any similar experiences? I feel so alone and don't know where to turn or who to talk to. Please help if you can.
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"Thanks for this!" says: | anneo59 (01-23-2014) |
02-09-2007, 12:28 PM | #2 | |||
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I'm sure there are some deep emotional reasons why this happens for you. You are holding back from true intimacy.
There are many good books on that subject you may have to dig deep to figure it out. It may be something you have blocked out from your memory. - Is he a good and caring person ? Do you truly trust and like him completely? our partner forum is here- http://psychcentral.com/lib/category/sexuality/
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"Thanks for this!" says: | anneo59 (01-23-2014) |
10-30-2007, 08:28 PM | #3 | ||
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Doesn't it sound popular to be wild? having sex with all those men you hardly knew? But ask yourself, what were you trying to communicate? ...uhm...to yourself...?
Was it like : wow, look at me I'm worthwhile? I think you are chicken out on your current boyfriend. If you want sex you know how to get it. However, what you are afraid of is intimacy. And please don't blame the lack of sex on him. Sex is a mutual thing. Intimacy is something that goes along with sex. It might give you just that final touch to enjoy sex fully. Girl, this boyfriend sounds like a stayer to me, so try him out how deep your feelings dare to go. |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | anneo59 (01-23-2014) |
09-07-2009, 11:28 PM | #4 | ||
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"Thanks for this!" says: | anneo59 (01-23-2014) |
03-17-2010, 08:40 PM | #5 | |||
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Magnate
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Could it be that although you had a lot of sex with people from the past that these were people you had no desire to have a relationship with? And did you find that your true friendships the ones that lasted were the ones that were not sexual in nature. Plus, it could be that you see the men that you did have sex with had not respect for you and viewed you solely as a sexual object, and that is not what you want in a long term relationship.
I agree with the others that it seems more like a mental/intamacy thing. How to fix it, I do not have an answer. I do wish you the best of luck. I also know that the added pressure of a demanding partner can be overwhelming on a mental level and only make matters worse. I wish I had a magic answer to this one. I would not recommend you just go thru the motions to appease him, as it is degrading to you but i can also see how this would be a strain to your relationship.
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"Thanks for this!" says: | anneo59 (01-23-2014) |
06-07-2011, 05:22 PM | #6 | ||
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honestly is the best way to have succful relationship
you're wild then be wild with him lol , that's better than ending the relationship coz you can't share your feeling if the relationship gonna be ruined anyway then why the worry , just be more opend with him and share your feeling and go wild |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | anneo59 (01-23-2014) |
11-22-2012, 03:26 PM | #7 | |||
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Lots of good ideas for thought given above. My gut reaction is that you instinctively don't want the sexual relationship with your sweetheart to be "like" the other sexual encounters you have had.
Maybe it would be healing for both of you to talk, express how much this relationship means to you, and begin like newbies - with no expectations - cuddling - kissing - caressing without intercourse. Gradually allow the process to take over naturally, along with communication about how important you are to one another and what sex with each other means to you. That may help 'reprogram' past experiences and validate that this time it is different. Love is precious. Tend to your garden of love with compassion and it may bloom for you. Aloha, Jenny |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | anneo59 (01-23-2014) |
01-23-2014, 12:24 PM | #8 | ||
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Am still working thru the intimacy, sex, affection thing after a quarter century of marriage. So there's also meds, physical aging going on. Have no answers. Just adaptable, willing to try various things, trying not to expect much, wanting to give what I can, etc. It's ok, really. I do treasure what we have tho it is vastly different from what it once was. The best to all!
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