I am a 24 year young woman who has just had a traumatic experience, or what I call the breakdown of my life.
I was hospitalized for a near suicide attempt. What led up to this was severe depression, alcohol abuse, and what I call sexual trauma (among other things)
I am not talking about rape, nor do I want to discuss it here.
The only way to explain it, really, is that I used sex and sexual acts with multiple partners for many years, as an escape.
For many, my sexual experiences could be seen as alcohol or drug binges, acting out, whatever you want to call it.
I feel, especially because I acted out in sexual ways with quite a few people the week before I checked in, trauma around this.

I feel alone because I have never encountered a woman who could relate. I feel alone because I don't know how to describe this in words. I feel alone because this thread is unlike any others, and I don't feel I'll get replies. I feel alone because I don't know how to have a healthy relationship at this point in my life, and I am afraid I won't find one in the future.

I want to talk about this, and I hope to start a valuable conversation.

~S

"Sexual trauma" is generally associated with sexual assault. This does not invalidate your feelings in any way, but perhaps it is not the best term(?)

Do you think you would characterize your behavior as sexual addiction?

If so (or even if not), you are definitely not alone. Much information and resources for help can be found by googling: women and sexual addiction (including some of the related searches at the bottom of the first page).

Even if any of the above doesn't relate to you, there may be something there, or mentioned, that may help you describe your feelings, or put your particular situation into words. There may also be resources to help you find other women who can relate.

Doc

Thanks for the suggestions and for bringing up the issue of the term "sexual trauma"
The reason I chose that term is that, when I am able to get deeper (not in a beginning post) I feel it in my gut, experience heaviness in my heart/mind as trauma. I feel as if I have hurt others and they have hurt me by engaging in these behaviors that are not only prohibiting our growth as human beings, but placing us in backward motion.
I will not use that term anymore when referring to my "sexual addiction" as you suggested, because I see that it might trigger people, and I might, in fact, be completely wrong about the terminology. I just know how it feels inside me when I think about it, and bring back the experiences and feelings around it.

I will check out what you suggested. Thank you for the reply. I thought with the general inactivity of this forum that I wouldn't get anything, and I was s honest and open about this stuff. I feel vulnerable still.

I hope you're having a good one,

~Samantha

Your feelings are your feelings -- nothing wrong with that. It's just that when one googles sexual trauma, sexual assault is what comes up. The Wiki page on addiction, however, mentions some of the same feelings, and uses similar terminology to your original post.

You're right, traffic in this forum is slow (especially during the summer months), and folks don't always (think to) check it as often as some others, but there have been discussions in the past. I definitely think there's hope -- but it may take some time. Hang in there -- support, we've got!

Doc

When we have a disconnect with life, we can see ourselves more objectively, at least, for a moment. One of the things that comes up is trauma in every form...abandonment issues, achievement issues, bonding issues....remembering bad holidays, bad relatives, bad friends, bad mistakes.


Sex is used as a weapon, by onesself and others, when one cannot express our feelings...I think you we acting out, over and over, trying to relieve your pain. As long as no one was truly injured....or abused, you have done what many people do. You have the guts to admit it. Please follow Dr. Dog;s advice, read more and find out how common this really is.

You are on the road to finding rhe real you...good luck and prayers from me.