Hi All,

I turned 40 the other week and my biological clock is ticking very loudly. I have suffered with very poor sleeping patterns for the last 10 years and as a result came down with CFS and adrenal exhaustion about 4 years ago. I am a little improved from then but still far from recovered.

I have been thinking about having a baby, but am concerned as to whether my body can hadle it.

The main issue it comes down to for me is energy. I have plenty of time on my hands - in fact too much sometimes. I havent worked for the last 4 years (only 1 day per week) because of my sheer fatigue with not sleeping well. Now i am studying 2 days per week, but i was willing to give that up to be a mum no problem.
M
y partner although he isnt who i imagined myself with for various reasons, IS very loving, caring, communicative and loyal. (He has a doonar, pillow and hot water bottle for his dog who he takes everywhere and loves to bits - i guess shes his child). He doesnt care either way about a child - if we dont have one, we want to go out there and help save endangered wildlife in some way!!

My ultimate concern is that with my energy being so low ( ive had a herpes breakout every month for the last 3 years - which tells me my immunue system is struggling) that having a baby will sap more of the core energy from which i am running on and i will feel like a zombie. when i go to shopping malls, the energy of kids running everywhere and shouting makes me feel really tired. I dont have any family or close friends in Perth, so there would be little help around.


Its just that there IS definitely a part of me that longs to be a Mum (and i know id be a good mum as i know i have a very loving gentle nature) but i dont want it to be at my own healths expense (hope that doesnt sound selfish). But, who knows maybe a baby IS what i need in my life and will lift me out of the depression ive had around feeling a little lost with that something missing.

I would really love to hear from anyone out there who has had children at a later stage in life who has been in a similar situation as me and their health has suffered as a consequense/or the baby's. Or any that didnt go the children route and if they regret it or not?

I know this is a very personal descision - its just that i am terrible when it comes to big decisions - and i dont have my mum around anymore to offfer her words of wisdom, so any advices/words of wisdom would be muchly appreciated.

Smiley

G'day Smiley,
That's such a personal question that I can't really answer. It's not a decision anyone else can really help you with I don't think. There are so many factors to weigh into the balance of whether you should or not. I had both my children after I was 35 and they were 21 and 1/2 months apart. I was pretty fit at the time back then though. In fact some really serious back problems that I have before children actually got much better during my first pregnancy and continued to stay better ever since. Maybe that was because I no longer had the time or energy to landscape the yard and brick out the patio and things like that. lol

It didn't stop me from doing everything that all the mums who were 20 or 25 were doing. My children did all the same things as all other children... playgroups, sports, dance, music all the extra things. My son was walking by the time he was 9 months old so it didn't stop from then on 'cause I was pregant with my daughter by the time he was 12 months old. I then spent a couple of years chasing my son to save him from destruction while carrying my daughter on my hip.

So, yes, becoming a parent is a full time and life long decision for both parents and it is tiring, not just when they're babies or toddlers, but tiring in other ways when they are teenagers and still when they're adults. A mum is always a mum. It sounds as if you have some health issues with your fatigue and CFS and I hope you're now feeling better than you were. I'm sorry you're experiencing all of that. Don't feel pressure by the fact you're 40 years old. Some people chose not to ever have children and spend their lives in helping other children who are less fortunate and don't have a home or do other things. It's not an essential part of being a woman to have a baby. I nearly didn't have children but one day mother nature smiled on me and said "Lara, it's time", so I seriously considered what I was doing and and so it began.

If I were you, I'd have a really long talk with your GP about all this and how your health issues would impact having a pregnancy. I also know that women can have healthy pregnancies later in their 40's, but personally I wouldn't leave it too late unless I had lots of money to hire nannies (and I wouldn't have wanted that at all) or had lots of relatives to be around as part of a supportive extended family unit. I didn't have either. lol.

All the best with your health and your decisions. They're very serious issues I know and I hope you find some guidance to help you make what is best for your future children if you decide to do that as well as for yourself.

Hi Lara

Thanks so much for your comments. Yes i know it really is a personal decision with lots of factors to consider. Im just seriously torn between wanting to experience being a mum as everyone says what an amazing experience it is and there is nothing else like it and afraid that my health could suffer as a result.
I have been trying to find people to talk to in the medical field. I tend to visit naturopaths. Everyones advise is important to me but sometimes unless someone has experience chronic insomnia for many years where you feel absolutley shattered its hard for them to relate. I will keep searching within myself for an answer - hopefully one day -something/one will help me to make up my mind.
Thanks for your time Lara
Smiley