I don't know if I picked the right icon for trigger warning so here goes: this post contains mentions of body image issues, eating disorder and an abusive relationship. It's not graphic but it is present. If any of that is a potential trigger for you then please exit the thread.





I saw there was a dating thread a page or two back but thought it better to start my own. I'd say I don't know where to start but the beginning would probably be a good point. I dated this man I'd been friends with since we were 15 for two years and it was the worst mistake of my life. As friends, we were great and even when we dated, in the beginning. For the first 8-9 months everything was wonderful. He was sweet, considerate basically everything I could have asked for in a man, but then he changed. Compliments turned into thinly veiled criticisms and suddenly I couldn't do anything right in his eyes. I was too needy, whiney, fat, unmotivated and countless other things I can't bring myself to repeat. He refused to see I was terrified of exercise because I didn't want to risk a relapse in my eating disorder recovery. Couldn't see how happy I was to have gained the 20-30 pounds I needed to stop feeling like I was freezing when it was 80° F out. That I wasn't needy for wanting to hear his voice a single time when he'd go somewhere for work. I wasn't fat for weighing barely 115 pounds. Nor was I in any way unmotivated for never having actually worked. I just couldn't get out of bed most days due to extreme exhaustion, achy joints and a few other things.

You know what hurt almost as bad as the emotional abuse? I found out toward the end of the relationship that he'd been cheating for 18 of the roughly 24 months we'd been together. I can't say I was surprised but it still hurt an unbelievable amount. It's been 10 months since the break up and I only started dating again two to three months ago. I met this man that I really like but I'm scared. He's smart, kind of funny, likes a lot of the same things I do and he really listens to me and takes a active interest in what I'm passionate about.

There's just a couple issues. 1: I'm frightened he'll turn out to be the same way my ex was. 2: I can't read him the way I can with others. He's already said he likes me but I don't know. I'm trying not to doubt everything but I feel like I don't know how to be in a healthy relationship anymore.

Sorry to dump this on y'all but I just didn't know. This has been eating away at me for a couple days now. Mods, sorry if I posted in the wrong area.