My mother used to tell me how my great aunt was the ugly duckling, how she was lucky to marry the man who did work on her house, and it was such a shame he died in an accident not long after. No one, my mother said, had ever expected Aunt Laura to marry.

I don't think mom had ever met Aunt Laura, who was my dad's mother's sister.

My dad's mother was a very attractive women and sure of herself.

So when I met Aunt Laura... I was surprised to find that she looked like Bunny in my mother's family, my Aunt Bunny, who was the best looking daughter according to the family.

Both of them were teachers.

Just wanted to share that memory.

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Maybe everyone in her family had something against aunt Lara. Maybe her bros, sisters & even her parents sorta 'taught' each other that and your DH came to truely believe it. Thats why he told you that.

You've given me something to think about.

As an aside, is "DH" Dear Husband?

It was my dad, not husband... but maybe I misunderstand the initials...

I can see what you are saying, though... because my father didn't learn language normally and was sent to my great aunt's school... I think she was rather a pioneer in that kind of education. I think she got her degree from Columbia.

So he may have felt a resistance to her, even though she was helping him.

I'm pretty sure he was dyslexic from so long not reading with the normal eye movement.

but I must say, it never occured to me that the description originated with him.

Good suggestion.

Thanks.

You've really got me thinking about this now...

I just remembered that when I was living in London with the topologist I met when he was here "thinking for our government" -- he was in a think tank in Monterey, California -- John had begun teaching for a bit in the East End... and I must have written this to my dad... though I don't exactly know how that would be because my dad deserted so often... but yes, I think I was in contact with him then because he'd written me that he would have thought I'd been smart enough to get an abortion.

(I had chosen not to marry, but not to not have children.)

Anyway, my father wrote me, "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach."

So maybe that was a reflection about how he felt about Aunt Laura... which I never ever thought about before...

hmmm...maybe "ugly duckling" and "black sheep"? meant the same thing?

but ya know..way back, if a woman didn't have a beau and marriage prospects in her early teens..she was thought of as an old maid.

my mother's aunt..who was like my grandmother, since mine passed away when i was an infant....was a beautiful woman. but she wanted a career. that just wasn't the way in the 20's. she never did get married.

beauty comes from inside. it radiates no matter what the "shell" is.

Interesting thought.

I don't think so in this case, though...

My father was roundly described as the black sheep, so much so that his father, my grandfather, more or less left him out of the will... so my father stole what was left to me.


I remember visiting my Great Aunt in the 60s, I arrived later on the night Bobby Kennedy was shot.

In those days I wore the short dresses, and my aunt followed me around with lace and different things she thought I should sew onto the bottoms of my dresses... I really liked her. In fact I bought a fig recently, a baby fig tree, and it reminds me of her and her fig trees. She lived on the lagoon in Oceanside.

I doubt very much that she was 'wayward' --

but if you saw a picture of my grandmother and her together... I think you'd sort of see that my grandmother had a sense of being attractive.

I think my great aunt thought about other things more often...

If that makes any sense..

My mother was drop-dead gorgeous when she was younger - face, figure, hair, she had the whole package. She put a lot of stock into her looks, and her beauty rewarded her in many ways. She was also violently abusive to her children, who were never good enough for her.

Now she is 83 and is the most nasty, angry, bitter person you have ever met. When she lost her looks, she was left with nothing. I learned long ago that outside beauty is meaningless. Actions are what come through, and are what real beauty is about.

I'm not sure why your post prompted me to write about that.