I appreciate more than is known the thoughts and prayers for me and my family. I wanted to update y'all and ask for continued thoughts, prayers and meditations...please.

This is mega long, so I apologize. I'll try to keep it to just the details.

I'm sorry I've been so quiet on the forums. I'm here...watching and caring.

Have any of you been so worried about something that you're in an almost constant state of meditation about it because you feel powerless to do anything else almost? That's where I'm at right now.

Jess had a couple of good months after the birth...well, after healing from the c-section and the initial hormonal period. I was so incredibly thrilled for her. My girl was back...my independent, loving, capable, giving girl was back and she is an INCREDIBLE MOTHER.

About three weeks ago she started having that edge to her again. Not long after the horrible itching began again. She explains it as a continual itch that nothing short of taking her skin off would get rid of...nothing helped...not home remedies, benedryl in any form, nothing.

She bagan to ramp up in all the familiar areas again as well and we knew that she was entering into postpartum thyroidtoxicosis. She was in complete denial. She wanted to keep feeling good and she thought if she didn't give into this or give any energy to it that it would go away. She was wrong.

By the time we went back to the endo, she couldn't even sit there for the visit. She was already back on the beta-blockers as well because she was having the tachycardia and palpitations again. It was obvious to him that she was hyperthyroid, so without even having the bloodwork, he increased her auto-immune drugs and beta-blockers by large amounts. He said he hoped to see some relief for her by last weekend. She did see some relief as far as her heart, panic/anxiety and the such went. The itching was even more extreme, though.

During those two weeks, her, her hubby and the baby stayed here so that I could watch her and tend to the baby. She was just too ill to care for him more than about an hour at a time.

She ended up going to the ER last Saturday night for the itching. I was convinced it was her liver involved again because the last two times she had the hepatitis I'd linked it to her severe itching. She was concerned about this and desperate for relief so she went. The ER dr gave her adarax (sp?) for the itching and told her that there was no way the itching was from liver. If liver was that bad for her to itch like that, she'd be so jaundiced she looked like a pumpkin he said.

She calmed because she believed him and the adarax helped immensely. She only took the two pills that night and it seemed to break the cycle. YAY. The other scary thing was that wherever it itched, if she'd even scratch lightly blood just pooled under the skin...looking like long blood-blisters that weren't raised...scary.

The endo wasn't in his office on Monday, and called Tuesday afternoon...rather his nurse did. She said that she was extremely hyperthyroid with higher than high FT3 counts, high FT4 counts and her liver enzymes were EXTREMELY high...much higher than they ever were before. They said she'd have to have another liver ultrasound and to immediately go off the auto-immune drugs (they're hard on the liver, so...).

I freaked! What would happen to her without the drugs? She HAS to have something to manage her body and symptoms. It was getting really dangerous. They called in some drops for her to take called SSKI potassium iodide...2 drops, 3 times per day in water or orange juice.

I read online about this drug and it's generally only used in extreme cases such as thyroid storm, emergency non-thyroid surgery and prior to thyroid surgery. They explained that she needs to have her thyroid and goiter removed ASAP, but she needs to be stable prior to that. So many scary catch-22's with the liver/meds, then surgery/meds/levels.

This is where we're at...

She has the liver ultrasound first thing Monday then stops by for more bloodwork. Then she schedules an appt. to see him 2 days later. I guess the surgery will be ASAP and might be at the drop of the hat when levels allow it. What's scaring me tonight is that the itching is returning now that she's off the auto-immune drugs. It just started back today. Her other symptoms are maintaining though she's starting to show some signs including extreme edginess and anxiety again.

Please, please keep her and all of us to be able to be what she needs through this, in your thoughts and prayers, for a stabalization of illness and surgery. She doesn't want to leave her son at just 3 months old for surgery and recovery, but I've explained it will be much easier on him at this age.

My little Johnathon is a miracle, pure and true. He's above average is almost all his milestones for an infant and our miracle (when brain damage was a true concern as well as the rare chance of a physical deformity...not to mention that alot of women with uncontrolled grave's miscarry). He's so healthy and beautiful. My heart swells for him.

Also, at this same time, I need to ask for thoughts, prayers and meditation for my oldest daughter, Jen.

She's due the 9th and though she's also high-risk (due to the miscarriage the month before conception, but also some uterus issues) everything is GREAT! They just did an ultrasound because there's some concern that she's consistently measuring 3-weeks small, and everything looks perfect from the water level, placenta, to measuring. He's measuring at approx. 7 lbs., 1 oz. They said he has chipmunk cheeks and plenty of hair. I would've never thought he has alot of hair because mother and father are both blonde and fair. Wouldn't it be awesome if he had alot of blonde hair??? I just can't wait to meet him.

So, right now I'm also waiting for a call from her. The OB said just in the last week she's begun to dilate and thin out. His head has come completely down and is in position. He could come tonight or in two weeks.

Please keep her and her little one in your thought and prayers for an easy, safe delivery. She's had a picture-perfect pregnancy and looks like a model n a magazine with the most perfect tummy.

I just pray that the surgery which will happen quickly from what I understand, when the opportunity opens up with levels doesn't come at the same exact time that oldest goes into labor! They'll be in two different hospitals and I'm to care for my grandson. I almost "know" they'll coincide, though, after the events of this last year. It would just fit, ya know?

I pray that the new year brings so much anew for my youngest's health...knowing that it's going to bring more joy than imaginable with two new babies four months apart.

I appreciate so much the care and prayers. I want you to know that I'm maintaining even if quiet. I'm here and available. If, for some reason, i don't respond in a timely manner to a PM, please forward it on to DocJohn or cheri. I'm still here, though, every day on and off throughout the day.

I'm in constant meditation and prayer while having to do alot for my sick daughter and the baby. I expect the next two or so weeks to be the same, but after that it should be over with prayerfully lots of healing.

Much love and thanks,

KD