I'm feeling good about >>>>

BGB writing not ONE, but TWO stories!!

I'm feeling good about...

... hitting rock bottom again. I drove out tonight (without a valid liscence) and bought a cheap bottle of wine.

Right back to where I was.
Crisis dependent? Glutten for punishment? Masochistic tendencies?

All of the above.

Seems the wall caved in on me. And it will take time to address each brick.

Gritting my teeth. Digging my heels in. This nonsense has got to end.

I'm not an alcoholic.
I'm a worthless drunk and a coward.

I can't change what's going on around me, so I have to change myself.

MOOSE, TIM!!! Carp!!! First off, I'm so sorry you fell off the wagon!

Now I'm gonna get tough on you, but you know I'm telling you this because I want what's best for you and your boys.

You ARE NOT A WORTHLESS DRUNK AND A COWARD. YES I AM YELLIN' AT YOU! I grew up with many alcoholics in my family. My baby sister is married to one right now.

By telling yourself you're a worthless drunk and a coward, you're allowing yourself to be one. That is how you are defining yourself which gives you permission to act like one. I'm sorry I'm being so harsh, hun, but I've been down this road with so many people in my life it hurts to see you like this.

You are so right about not being able to change what's going on around you. Of course, you can try to though depending on what the situation is. Can you get out of your surroundings somehow? I know what your living situation is like right now and that can't be helping.

You gotta get to the root of why you're doing this to yourself so that you can change yourself. "Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results", that's the definition of insanity. (I'm not saying you're insane ; I just think that this quote could have some relevance in your situation)

WE ALL DO this to some degree, right?

Many, many !

You will get through this. We're all here for you .

I'm thankful that my DH believes me now on whats going on with me and to have this wonderful board to come to every day and talk opening and feel so loved.
And I'm thankful the Moose is back! We missed you.

Feeling good about seeing names I recognize!
Nice to see people happy, or at least comfortable with a move.
Changing homes can be difficult!
A new comfort zone, and the post police are mellow! Thanks Mods!
A lot more room to move here, make new friends, visit with old ones!
Keeping your mind off the disease is part of the battle, and battles can be though!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{MOOSE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} }}}}}}}}

I don't know the answers - I do the same thing only with FOOD and then experience those feelings that you describe -

I just want you to know that you are not alone in those feelings but we could work on this together !!!

Yours is alcohol - mine is eating - both addictions - both will kill us and I am sure there are others on this board - dealing with significant addictions as well.

We all have our demons - let's tackle this together !!

You are not alone ! And you have heard of "stinkin thinkin" ??? You've got to stop that "stinkin thinkin" !!!! please

I always look forward to your post - - YOU are that special person who makes us all smile and feel good even when we are in pain and miserable.

Moose - we all love and care about you - you've given us all a kick in the butt at one time or another and (((hugs))) so I'm giving you both right now

yes.... exactly what snoodles says, mooosie....

I'm never great at finding the right words at a time like this. Don't punish your self to much, today is a new day and your going to do your best to put this all behind you, hold your head up high and have a positive day. Your right, you have to change your self because you can't change what's going on around you.
We are always here to listen and help with an encouraging word.

What has to change is the self-loathing. Beating up yourself is probably counterproductive. Do you have a sponsor Moose? If not, maybe it's time. Having someone available (who's been where you're at) to talk you down might be just what you need. I worry about you.