This says it all to me. You are right to speak up and offer emotional support. I agree with others who have suggested adoption as an alternative.

You care because you are a good person, sis.:hug:

Hi Cathy:

That's one of the best replies I have ever read.

You're a gem!!!

This girl needs to make her own decision without everyone telling her what she should do (abort). If she is not hearing that its okay to have this baby, I'd be telling her. Sure it will be hard....but what in life is easy? Nothing from my view point....How dare her family instruct her to abort! I believe in the right to choose...but its a PERSONAL choice...no one should be thrusting an abortion in her face....poor girl...no wonder you care!

Just my opinion, but people like your ex DIL are self-centered. It's hard to reach someone like that.

There is no sense to be made of having a baby out of wedlock purposely (no father figure) and also using abortion as a means of birth control.

Some of my dearest friends became pregnant out of wedlock. That's not all that uncommon and I'm not condemning anyone. It's just that in both those cases the friend married the father and they raised the child. They just jumped the gun on the baby part of the equation.

Most wouldn't choose that course again. Not that they don't love their children, but it's a hard way to go.

Your ex DIL is not exhibiting much common sense. When a person makes a 'mistake' we can forgive. When they keep making it and making bad choices we often have to give up on them. There are so many forms of birth control that there is no excuse for not finding one that works.

Generally you don't find a spouse by having their baby and then presenting them with it. Heck, in many of those situations the woman doesn't even know the man all that well!

In your case since you have a deep connection through your grandchild it is very tough to know what to do.

I'd try to be involved with the Grandchild and help the child through what will be some confusing times and a mother who is a bad role model.

Good Luck.

Tootsie

I'll bore you with talk of adoption! I'm waiting in a line right now that's about 5 years long in order to adopt. There are so many fabulous people out there who would make wonderful parents for your DIL's future child. She can choose them - she can also choose how much or how little contact she would like with the family after the child is born. Many, many people now understand the benefits of open adoption. In this situation - it's win, win, win. The child has life, two people get to realize their dream of being parents, and your DIL will get to be a part of it (if she chooses).

There's no need to get into the right or wrong of abortion vs adoption, but I do think that it wouldn't hurt at all for her to see that there is another very viable option - it might put her heart at ease.

If finances are a problem - the agency that she works with can ensure that she has proper medical care throughout the pregnancy. They will find her the resources she needs.

Brain - I truly hope that you can be a positive influence on her. It sounds like she's not really happy with the option that everyone surrounding her is presenting her - maybe she'll listen to you.

Cathy, I don't know if you remember me from another message board that you used to visit frequently, but you do know me (I think). I was known as jazzgirl there.

I have intimate experience with part of this issue....pregnancy outside of wedlock. I was in college, pregnant, and unmarried. I had an abortion. I never, ever, ever got over it. It was over 30 years ago and I still think about that baby every single day. I was getting educated, but stupid about my own body and careless. She's being so careless, Cathy. Another human being shouldn't have to suffer because of her carelessness. :(

I was pressured into having the procedure. I didn't want to do it, but I felt that no one would be there for me and I was scared! Is she scared? She doesn't sound it. She does sound lazy about her birth control, though.

She can't keep doing this, but you can't save her from herself, either. You're a bright, compassionate woman and I think you'll know what to say when you do approach her.

You care because you're human. A human with morals. I pray very little anymore, but I'll keep her in my prayers in the hopes that she comes to a good decision, and for you so that you can have a little more peace in your own life.