I don't even know where to start.
My mom and I aren't very close, she didn't like my DH from day 1 before she even met him, her DH was even ugly to him. Anyway we email and sometimes talk on the phone. She lived in FL with her DH and than marriage broke off she found someone new, she stayed in FL for about a year and than moved here to TX. She only stayed 10 months and decided to move in with her boyfriend back in FL. She had only seen me and the kids maybe a dozen times while here, anyway she moved back right before christmas.

Her sister is here in TX and we talk on the phone now and than and we both thought something has been going on that wasn't good. 1st off I NEVER talk to my mom and she's not drunk and the emailing and phone calls have been less. Well she calls her sister a few days ago and says she was in the hospital for 8 days, she bets around the bush and want tell her way, just says it was for her heart.

Well my mom calls her back night before last dunk and tells her the truth, her boyfriend has been betting her and is very verbally abusive. She was in the hospital because she tried to comet suicide.

My mom still treats me like a child, never tells me anything. So I can't call my mom because she will know my aunt told me and than she want trust her again and tell her anything next time.

My mom told my aunt that she is packing up her stuff and driving back here in 2 weeks (why 2 weeks? I don't know). My mom and her BF talked and he knows she's leaving and wants her to go.

I don't know what to do other than pray.
If anyone has any great words of advice I would love to here it, thanks.

Hard to know what to say... at least she is leaving him and not staying for more beatings... I guess you can only wait to see what happens when she arrives.

Let's see if I have the whole thing straight.

You are mom to 7 children. Your mom drinks on occasion and lived with a boyfriend who beat her up and is verbally abusive, right?

Your mom and you are not particularly close and she is not going to win the grandma of the year contest, am I right?

Furthermore, you just found out that your mom was in the hospital because she tried to kill herself.

Did I get all this correct?

Thanks much.

Melody

Yes, that's sums it up.

Okay, here's my next question.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT THIS SITUATION!!!

Honestly. do you think you have options??

Are you taking her in? (I didn't get that part clear)

I don't know what else you could do other than to pray. And just let her know you're there for her, but ONLY if you want to be there for her. I don't want ti sound coldhearted, but you have yourself and a large nuclear family to care for. Youy can't jeopardize your health by inviting stress and heartache into your life. I won't go in to all this now, but I have a mother who suffers from Bi-Polar dusorder. She's also had bouts with suicide. There was a period of time there where things were really bad for her, and I was her go to girl. Dennis and I noticed how I would start to get physically ill and symptoms would flare because of all the stress and worry she would put me through. The woman is 61, my Grandma had told me even when she was a child she would get horribly depressed. I can't help her. I had to put distance between us, I pray for her, but I could not bear her burdens as well. Just don't neglect your emotional and physical well being. You can't do it all, and don't try.~~~Jess

My mom is moving in with her sister. Back about 7 years ago my DH almost died from a brain aneurysm, I called my mom and told her at 1am, here I was pregnant with number 5 and crying because I didn't know if my husband was going to live. The 1st thing she says to me was "You know if anything happens to David you and the kids can't come live with me". YES, she really said this to me and the next thing was she was living on a cruise the next day, and she did.

Anyway, what do I want to do about this situation? I don't know, really. I'm the nice one in the family but I'm finding it hard to even care about this whole mess, she didn't tell me whats going on and I still haven't talked with her. I mean wouldn't you think she would have called her only child by now?

Julie

This has got to be hard for you. I have a difficult time relating to situations like this because I was so close to my Mom. I miss her a lot.

I tend to think that you're probably going to have to wait for her to make the first move. Unless you can talk to your Aunt and have her tell her to call you.

Do you want to have a relationship with her? I know that sounds like a strange question - but it's just a fact of life that not all mothers and daughters get along...or even like each other.

You have a lot going on in your life right now that you have to consider....what with raising 7 children, your health, the fact that she doesn't get along with your DH. It sounds like she might add a whole new stress to your life.

But...she is your Mom and this experience might have changed her thinking just a bit. You'll have to decide if you want a relationship with her - and if you do you might just have to be the bigger person and make the first move.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

The fact that she said this:

"You know if anything happens to David you and the kids can't come live with me".

SPEAKS VOLUMES TO ME!!!

There are two kinds of people in this world. The ones who give and the ones who take.

Plain and simple.

You know what kind she is. Has she changed?? Don't think so.

I have a friend who thought she was close to her mother. She did EVERYTHING she could. She bailed her mom out of gambling debts. She invited her out to dinner with her husband and another couple, one night. What did the mother do?? She blurts out. "oh you don't know my daughter, you THINK YOU KNOW MY DAUGHTER, but she's a piece of crap". Everybody put their head down, it was appalling.

Do you think this woman changed over time? Want to hear what happened? When the daughter inherited some money, she gave some to her mother. It was not ENOUGH. The mother wanted half. She literally put her hands around her daughter's neck and the grandson had to pull his own grandmother off of his mother.

I thought I had heard everything.

I don't believe leopards change their spots. I really don't.

Entitlement issues are rampant in this day and age.

No one can tell you what to do. We all have to reach our own conclusions with loved ones as we grow in this world.

I had a mother once. Very critical, very harsh. Nothing I did was right. Of course, she was 5 feet tall and weighed 120 lbs. I DID NOT!!!

I know what it feels like to have a critical mother. Many of us do.

Not telling you to throw her away. Of course not.

But you have to set up boundaries.

You have your mental health AND your physical health to think about.

Believe me, I know because I've been there.

Oh, let me let you in on a little trick I did to make my mother happy (while she was on her death bed no less).

She lived in Florida, was in a nursing home, had smoked herself to death, had 26 packs of cigarettes in her pocketbook and was on all kind of nebulizers and had emphasema. When they called me to tell me that the end was near (I knew I had to then hop on a plane from NY to Florida, there were no direct flights, and it took me 8 hours to get there no less), I tried a little experiment.

I told the nurse who called me "Go over to my mother and tell her I lost 40 lbs". She said: "WHAT???". I said "Just do it and tell me what happens".

She came back and said: '"I don't believe this, she's got a smile on her face".

She died 30 minutes later. I finally did something that she approved of.

Don't beat yourself up over this.

You just be the best parent you can to your kids.

That's all is expected of us.

If you want to be there for your mom, then do it, but be advised, IT'S NOT EASY.

Best of luck.

Melody