Hi Marijo,
I wrote you a big post and lost it on the last sentence. Then it stormed and I had to quit for a while. Long time, no see. It's good you have found your way back. Are you having a stimulator implant? You sure have had to wait a long time. I had to wait 8 months. Mine never done a thing for me Marijo. It shocked me some to the point it would kick my leg foward. But I did have it taken out 2 weeks ago. The stiches come out tomorrow along with the one's in my spine. I am so sore, but I have done well. I have seen the day when I would have still been on a walker, but I was determine this time That I was going to have to take care of myself. And it has come to pass.

It has been a ruff summer for me as my husband of 47 yrs. died of cancer at home as he wanted in my arms. He had many treatments and that didn't help him either. It's been hard trying to live by myself, but their for the Grace of God and the encouragement of the gal's on here I have come this far. I take no credit myself. When I needed to talk the girls on here were there for me. I have so much to be thankful for. Hope you are doing ok. I remember you from the old BT. Good Luck with the implant Marijo.
Blessings,
Billie

Hi marijo~
I also take Topamax for Neuropathy. How much are you on? I take 100mg. 4 x's/day for a total of 400mg/day. Do you take any other meds for your Neuropathy? Just curious as I am scheduled to go back to my Neuro on the 5th. I've tried most of the usual bunch except a couple, as I'm sure you have. The fun just never ends, does it? Let me know how you turn out.
Hugs,
Jan

I just went back on the Topamax again too...I read that once you go off Topamax and then need to go back on it again, that it is not as effective the second time around.. My pcp wanted me to go on Neurontin, but I saw a Rheumatoid doc and he suggested Lyrica...I think I am going to hold out for Cymbalta...I think it helps with depression and the pain...I see my PM doc in a few weeks and I am going to ask him to switch me to Cymbalta...Me depressed? I keep asking for something for depression and I think because I am usually smiling, they will not prescribe anything...How much crying do I have to do? I started crying while talking to my PM doc and he closed the folder and ended the appt...so I guess crying isn't allowed...

Jan I just read how much Topamax you take....WOW! I would be a Zombie....That stuff just makes me feel whacky on my small dose!

Hi Billie....

It sounds as if you are doing very well for yourself. You have truly had a summer no one would want. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss of your husband. You sound like you are handling it so well although I'm sure it's not like that when you sit alone and remember. Lucky you to have those memories to keep forever. That is a treasure not a lot of people get to experience and I'm one of them. Even as a teenager, I pictured myself living happily ever after with the man I married, lived and loved with for my entire adult life, watching children and grandkids and even greatgrandkids. We would be walking along a beach just enjoying each other as we were truly of one heart. That was my dream! Nothing even close happened in my real life. I'm only telling you this because your story has been held close in my heart. I don't know all that much because I didn't know about you until middle of summer and word spread about you and your husband's cancer. I hope you will be able to find peace and happpiness until you meet again.

Enough of my novel .......I just wanted to let you know how much you have meant to so many and so loved by all.

Blessings Billie!

shotspine

Hi Shotspine,
Your story sounds great only mine isn't pretty all the way thru either. We couldn't have children and after 16 years we decided to adopt a son. he was hyperactive & always in trouble. What a mess every year. I dreaded school starting up each year.

Findlly he grew up and left home wanting to see his real parents. That was the beganing of the bad times we have known. He is in prison now and may not get out till I am 83. I have tried to help for he says he is innocent of this crime and I do believe him for we raised him in church. He is an ordained minister. If I had only known somethings then, that I do know now, he would have gotten out much sooner. That was bad enough without my husband getting cancer.

We had a wonderful life together and it was better as time went along. I think we both mellowed out.The cancer only drew us closer together, and at the same time was breaking my heart. He wasn't saved and that bothered me. He finally was about 8 days before he died. What a glorious time that was. Time was slipping up on us though. The last 5 days were bad. Thats when I would come and talk to my friends on the old BT.There comes a time you just have to except what you can't change and he passed away.

He had alot of friends though and a large viewing and funeral. It was one of the biggest I have been to. I got over a hundred cards both get well & sympathy. I just wasn't perpared for all this, but somehow I got threw it, bad back & all. We can do what we don't realize, when we got the Lord in our
life. I better stop here before I write a novel.
Blessings to you shotspine!
Billie

(((((((((((((((((((((((Billie))))))))))))))))))))) )

Thank You Billie for filling me in. I am so sorry to hear about your son. Don't we all wish we could go back and redo all the things we learned lessons from but couldn't go back to fix them? I just said to a friend the other day.....our lifecycle is backward. I hope you and your son can find peace in such a terrible situation. Losing your husband too!!! You must be one really strong, and independent thinking woman. No wonder you are so adored and admired here. You're my kind of lady.

I remember even in high school being afraid I would be an "old maid". No reason that I can think of, but that's where my mind kept going. So......I married at 17 figuring it was now or never. Well never would have been a much better option. As it turned out, marriage was very abusive and we divorced 5 years later (3+ yrs we were separated out of 5). I never remarried as it became apparent that I made bad choices in men. I am, in no way, a man hater. I just was attracted to the bad guy that looked like good guys. So, my fear in high school came true. I'm 60 and finding a man is the last thing on my mind. I had 1 daughter during my marriage and raised her as a single Mom. She was also a handful. She is bipolar, but not diagnosed until just a few years ago. She is turns 40 in Oct and has 4 kids. Our relationship is on and off. The ole 'egg shell walk'. Luckily, she's never been to prison. I can't imagine that at all. I love her dearly through it all. I'm sure you feel the same about your son. Gosh, after waiting 16 years?

Bless you Billie! May your future be an adventure of Good Things!!! It's time for you to take care of you and it sounds like you are doing just that!!!

HI Billie &
So many familar names it's such a pleasure to see.

I have been trying to get here and catch up and post more but things here at home and the pain levels are keeping me from doing the things I want.

So hi to all of you and Billie, please know you are all in my thoughts and prayers and forgive me for I'd really love to be able to catch up...

Many hugs!!
LindaM(suede)

The news is in, I need another surgery. I have had three Dr's agreeing so I guess I have to agree with them. I have already have all the test I will need for the surgery. It's to be done Oct. 24 th. They can't promise it will relieve my leg pain, it just needs to be done. It can cause a loop of intestiine to fall into it and get traped and cause severe pain. It can lose it's blood supply and die, it is caused by strangulated intestine. Then you are an emergency to have surgery. I can't hardly buy this, but what do you do when 3 Dr's agree to my case.
Thanks Shotspine for all the kind words you said about me. I don't feel strong though. I just do what anyone would do in a case like mine. Into every life some rain must fall. I feel we deal with life the best we can. I do know going threw a divorce isn't easy. I have had friends tell me all to well especally when they are children involed. Since you raise a daughter alone, you are braver than you give yourself credit for. My goodness, I don't think I could do that. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done.
Blessings,
Billie

Its so good to 'see' you guys again. All in the same place. I cant write much today cos I'm in a flat spin, family coming for meal, got to make steaks and apple pie and husband going back offshore tomorrow for three weeks, and he doesnt think much of me spending 'unecessary' time wafting through space on net. I've missed you all. Loads to tell. Will write tomorrow after Mr Grumpy has left. Got to keep him in a good mood!!!

just to say a bit about the medications I've had over the last 12 months or so, and I know they are different for all of us.
Neurontin made me put on 28 pounds in as many months, and made me feel like a zombie with a massive chest. None of my clothes fitted me, and I am normally a UK size 8/10, (quite little) Then My Doc started talking about Lyrica, the new wonderdrug, so I did some reading, and I looked at the chemistry etc, and I reckoned in my own little brain that it was very very similar to neurontin, but with clever branding, ie, a lyrical sort or name, which sells it, (I joke not) I think its very similar to neurontin, and will do just as well, especially as the producers of the former lost the exclusive rights to its manufacture so other companies could produce their own identical (is the term generic) versions only much cheaper. Anyway Then I landed on Cymbalta which sounded great. No weight gain, suitable for neuropathy, a few side effects, which should wear off with time, and so on. I asked my doc to prescribe it, and he said he could but that it was not licensed for neuropathy in this country. However we were not breaking any laws, he reassured me. When I got the prescript. I saw the box said it was for urinary incontinence, which bothered me, initially I thought I had the wrong meds. I called the manufacturers. They reassured me, that it was right, but in the UK that was what it was used for. I didn t feel very happy with that, as part of my problem was the opposite, retention. Anyway I pressed on, and for the next few weeks suffered appallingly with the most awful runs, stomach upsets and so on. Then I started reading up more, and discovered that on the clinical trials, which had taken place over an alarmingly short period of time, one girl of 19 I think, with no previous history of depression, had killed herself, and there were a number of other unexpected suicides also. My memory is a bit vague, because all this was at the beginning of last year. I would read up on it first. I now take 400g of topamax daily. No side effects once you get used to it. But you have to start on a small dose and titrate up in tiny increments, otherwise it will make you feel sick. No weight gain with this though. I also take small dose of antidepressant at night, but I still have a dreadful problem sleeping, and my doctor will not give me sleeping tablets so sometimes I buy them privately if I'm desperate. Generally if I get 4 hours I can get by.