((((((Pam)))))),

Too much pain and too much heartache for one person to have to cope with

I wish we could all take turns holding you until some of the pain and some of the heartache lets up

I know how hard it is to lose a family member to suicide. My Brother killed himself 40 years ago last October 24th It's the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I wish -- I wish -- society would teach kids how to cope with life. I wish everyone knew that suicide never solves problems. It just transfers them to the survivors.

Pam, I know some of the 7734 that you're in now. Not "exactly" -- but similar.

Would it help for you to connect up with a bunch of us -- sort of like a "helping hand" chain?? -- my instant messaging is active. I'm sure there are others that would be willing to help you through this too.

Pam, please hang on tight to all of us. There's a better way than what you've been thinking lately. Do you have someone in your "real life" that you can have 'soul conversations' with?? If you don't -- it might be a good idea to hook up short-term with a psychiatrist who can help you until you get your balance back.

No one knows how much 'disruption' suicide causes to EVERYONE around -- fellow students, co-workers, spouses, relatives, friends. It rains hell down on everyone. It affects everyone. It makes suicide "an option" for everyone that's been even remotely affected by it.

I read a book once -- it explained "Jewish Therapy" -->> tea and talking until the pain and hopelessness that you feel become just experiences that you share with your fellow human beings. That's what you need to do, sugar, talk this all OUT -- get it out of your system -->> so it doesn't hurt so much, so you can work on it, so you can cope with it.

Bless you, Pam. BIG HUGS. Send me an instant message -- ANY TIME you want to talk.

Barb

Thank you for checking in - the RSD forum is worried about you also.

Did you request to be called earlier if any cancellations or opening came up? {I just learned about doing that for urgent situations}

((((Pam))))
I am so relieved to see you here, tho so sorry for the pain you suffer.

please know that there are many people here who really care about you.
I do hope you will find a docotr who can prescribe the right med to help you with this pain

more gentle (((((hugs)))))

Hey, Dodrill. I have been worried sick about you. I can't say that i have the same pain that you have, but I have pain that is usually about 9 on the pain scale...cry-worthy. My pain is also progressive. Recently, I found a doc who has finally found something that helps me a lot, and I am so thankful. Pain really causes depression...and as you know, depression causes the pain to be worse. Please don't ever give up. It is a matter of finding the right doc. If the ones you have are not doing anything for you...move on to others until you find relief. Many say that we should not shop doctors, but if I had not, I would still be in h***. Do not let them make you think that you have to put up with it. I had a doc one time who told me that I would just have to get use to it. Needless to say, I flipped. Depression does not say enough to what that doc did to me.

You are too sweet to have to put up with the pain like that. Nobody cares about our pain as much as we do. Learn to fight again. Fight for what you know is real. Find the right doc. We would surely miss you. We certainly could use another good friend.

Your friend.....sally

Pam, I don't know you, but most on this forum know spinal pain and will listen anytime you feel like talking. Please call that doctor back up, and explain the severe pain you are in.

This happen to me in September and I called mine up and told his nurse I couldn't take the pain two weeks longer. They got me in less than a week. They already knew my problem and even the doctor called me to have me tell him exactlly what the pain was like. I had second degree burns on my back where the heating pad had burned my back. I just couldn't take it either. My husband had passed away in July and that pain was fresh too. I did let them know that this wasn't emotional but severe pain. I kept loosing the skin on my back where the burn was, and it was close to the surgery place.

Talk to us anytime. I don't sleep well and you probably don't either. You can PM any of us if you don't want it on the forum. We will understand.
Blessings,
Billie

Dodrill, please check in with us from time to time. You are on our minds, and care. Just let us know if anything changes...or...if you ever feel that way again.

Your friend.....sally

Hi Pam,
I don't know how I missed this thread but only found it tonight, or should I say this morning. I stay in so much pain I can't sleep, so I'm up and down all night.
Please try and hang on hon. When a person is in so much pain, and can't get relief, they can't think straight , they become depressed and then it starts to become unbearable. You feel like you are in this hole and can't get out. You're just so tired of the pain, you want it to end. Then you start to think of ways to end it. Should I take a bunch of pills? Should I use a gun? Pam, I have been there. I've been there several times. But, something deep inside kept telling me no. You can fight this. You have to. You must. Think of your husband. He is going through the pain of losing your daughter. You don't want him to go through it again and lose you. He may not make it if he doesn't have you. Twenty years is something to be proud of. You, two, must have something special to be together after all these years. Think of him and what it would do to him.
There are alot of us here that know your pain. We feel it, we feel for you. If you will let us, we will get you through this. It will get better, I promise. Wait until you see the OS. The 5th may seem like a lifetime away, but it isn't really. Keep hanging on. You can do this. We will help you.
Please, keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
We really care,
Linda

I am still trying to hang in there. The doc I'm supposed to see in Denver won't be available until my Jan 5th appointment. I keep telling myself I can last until then.

My husband says if my mood doesn't improve and I remain suicidal he is going to drag me somewhere for help.

I'm so weary of all this and I'm sure you guys are weary of your pain as well. I wish I was noble and brave but I just don't seem to have it in me anymore.

Your posts have helped so much. Thank you. I will post again when I am able to sit up a while.

Does your back get weak and hurt more if you lie down a lot? I think that's what may be happening as well.

Thanks again, Pam

((((((Pam)))))),



I wish you weren't suffering so much. Make sure you tell that doctor that you'll take a cancellation appointment. There's bound to be cancellations with the holidays and vacations and the flu.

I remember the horrible pain that I was in from a subway accident over 25 years ago. I had to stay in bed a month. If I hadn't had my cat, Fluffy, I would have lost my mind -- he slept with me all day and night. If you're laying down a lot, try laying on your side and pulling your legs up into the fetal position -- it opens up the spine.

When I was going through that whole period, the orthopedist told me that you lose a lot of muscle mass and strength when you stay in bed for a week. They actually do not recommend that much bed-rest anymore.

There are other positions that take the stress off the back without your having to go to bed -- sit in a well-padded Boston rocker and put your feet up high, like on the bed or the armrests of the sofa. Sit on the sofa with bed pillows behind your back and your feet on top of bed pillows on the coffee table. Sometimes laying on the floor on your side in a "sun patch" with your bed pillow helps. (I got this one from my cats. They seems so relaxed when they're laying in the sun patch, especially in the Winter, I figured I try it. It's so warm and inviting -- it feels good!)


Try different chairs and sofas and beds in your house -- sometimes just a little change will help. I used to take a nap in my son's bed when he was in elementary school.

Hang on tight, Pam. You'll get through this. We and your husband will help you. The offer to write if you need to is ALWAYS open.

BIG HUGS.

Barb

I went shopping yesterday and my knee throbs when I turn in bed. I wish now I had of got up and seen your post. I too have had many surgeries on my back, and know pain well.

Barb is right, sometimes you don't have to be in bed to get comfortable. Have you ever had a back brace? I couldn't function without one. Also a heating pad or a cold pack will help. One or the other, just be careful you don't get burned with the heating pad. I have done that too! Do you have pain pills that give you any relief? I get some relief from Alieve also which is over the counter.

I will pray for you Pam, with all my heart. Hang in there and keep talking to us. It is just 23 more days now. I hope you do call and tell them you are in severe pain and would take any available date open. Did you consider going to the emergency at the nearest hospital? There is help available, if you will let them know. You are suffering enough to go to the hospital NOW. That's what they are there for. If you can't stand it tell your husband to take you. I'm sure he would.
K
Kind Regards,
Billie