Thinking of you two.

thelonely1,
wish I could do something to help you . . .. Mistiis said it well: "Nothing worth having in life comes without personal effort. And, we all need a friend. We CAN NOT do it alone. We try, but, we will fail. We need a spiritual connection."

You are in my thoughts and prayers,
reyn

Dear Lonely,

You are far from pathetic. I, too, lack the energy and motivation to do the simplest of things, and it becomes worse. The world CAN be bad, but you cannot deny that there is good as well. We have no idea what death is like, but I hold the belief that there is no way to kill the Spirit, only the body; and that the body, i.e. this life is necessary for learning in order to prepare for whatever the future life may hold. Can you leave the house at all? If so, congratulations - you are able to do something! Concentrate on what you have and try to reach out to others. Do you have physical pain, or do you refer to emotional pain that is with you all the time. I'm not saying that one is worse than the other, but if you don't have both, or if the physical pain is not severe or constant, you HAVE something that some NT members do not have. If you have recently had a friend, regardless of said friend's character, you are capable of forming relationships, and that is a HAVE. If you look hard enough, many, if not most, people are just little, tiny persons who live in a world of pain of their own. Granted, some people have learned to be positive enough that they SEEM to have avoided this, but most have not, they are just good at hiding it, and they preoccupy themselves with other things, both good and bad, so that they don't feel it as much. I know how much you want to escape from your current situation, and I, too, have prayed to die. But we cannot say that we want to die, when we have no idea what that is like. I am not saying that I can live the following statement, but I know that it is true: positive actions bring more positive thoughts, and vice versa. Stay with us!!!!!! You may feel unable to DO anything, but you have things to learn. So do I!! PM me anytime. Caring About You ~ billie

DEAR Kristen, and lonely1,

Well you have cetainly arrived at the right place, at SOS.

Thoughts of Sicide and Death are exactly that THOUGHTS. They only mean something when the thoughts are put into action, until that they remain thoughts.

for more years than i care to remember i too have had these disgusting thoughts, and once or twice put action to thought, [completely unsuccessful thank god]

When the actions start to rise to the surface, you must seek imideate HELP. A+E [ER in the US] DONTsit there and allow the action of your thoughts take over, get up move, call 911 or get to a hospital as soon as possible.

When thoughts become actions, true sense of raltional behaviour goes out the window. So dont delay get help. Get a place of safety where Rationale can return and grief can express itself in a more clinical and sterile way. CRY CRY AND CRY MORE.....IT is a natural healing mechanism, it is your inner overflow pipe................................

Whenthe initial panic of suicidal thoughts subside.......concentrate on YOU............[NOT THE THOUGHTS YOU HAVE, NOT EVEN HOW YOU FEEL]
Concentrate on your person...........wash like you never bathed before....clean your nails, youyr hair, your teeth, ...............concentrate on each part of your body...................then dress in your finest clothes.....ironed to prestine condition with cleaned shoes..........and any accessories that your heart desires.................

then walk to a place you have never been before.........and submerge yourself in the surroundings..............have a coffe, a nice cake, a sandwich .............drink plenty of water [for the next few days not alcohol]////////////


BY FOCCUSING ON YOURSELF...YOUR APPEARANCE...YOUR SURROUNDINGS....AND NOT YOUR CRIPPLING ANXIETIES..........YOU CAN FIND BREATHING SPACE TO CARRY ON.



never think these thoughts will disapear without intervention...be it medication , or talk therapy, .....as they may just linger.................but will not truly disapear..........

you have to work at these feelings..............but rember they are THOUGHTS...NOT ACTIONS unless you ACT on them..................they CAN BE CONTAINED....

YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS YOU JUST HAVE TO

WANT TO.

I'M LIVING PROOF

DAVID

Hi, I was just having a really sad, lonely day. It's Friday night and everyone is out partying with friends, and all I can do is sit here staring into space and wishing I had someone to talk to. Will anyone ever be able to tolerate my company? Am I really that unloveable?

NO - you're not unloveable. Sometimes I think it;s just because people are so immersed in their own live that they don't look up and see a friend there. You are loved and don't for get it. I love you. Barbo

NO - you're not unloveable. Sometimes I think it;s just because people are so immersed in their own live that they don't look up and see a friend there. You are loved and don't for get it. I love you. Barbo

Lonely1, I wish you had come into the chatroom with us and we could have gotten better acquainted. Up above, where it says Chat Rooms (0), if any of us are in there, click on it....last night it said (4).

And Barbo is right...I am a good example of being "immersed" in my own life right now...that explains my absence but you all are in my heart where ever I am.

I think I could handle all of my other problems a lot more easily if there was just one person who wanted to be with me. I don't need a huge group of friends, I just need one person that I'm truely important to. I feel like everyone I've ever known has only spent time with me to kill some time until they could meet the people they really want to be friends with. I don't add anything of value to anybodies life. I'm easily replacable.

I can't say I blame them. I'm way too damaged by life to be fun. I'm a college student. I live in a college town, and the favorite passtime of everyone in a college town is: Getting as drunk as possible, as often as possible. Now, both my grandfather and my mother were alcoholics. And because I've seen what alcohol does to people, the thought of people willingly drinking themselves into a stuper actualy phisically hurts me. It hurts me so bad it makes me sick to my stomach when I'm around it. This is one of the ways I drove away my one and only friend. I can't understand why people want to be corrupted by booze, and she thought I was judging her because of how much she drinks, but I only worry about her because I love her so much. After a while she just cut me out of her life. She traded me for the rest of her drinking buddies.

The sad thing is, she used to really care about me. When her asshole boyfriend dumped her after two and a half years of dating, I was her only friend. She called me every night, crying, because she needed someone to talk to. That was the closest to happiness I've ever been. She's the only person who has ever made me feel important, and in the past three years, those were the only days when I didn't hope and pray for death. Because she needed me to be alive. But eventually she was corrupted by the college scene just like everybody else. She discovered that if you drink enough, you'll be too drunk to feel sad, and she didn't need me anymore

Anyway, that's my rant. Just a tiny yet complicated piece of why I'm so screwed up today. I was looking for purity in a corrupt world, and every time the world dissapointed me, it made me hurt worse and worse, until finally I gave up hope. If I don't get my hopes up it hurts less when I am inevitably let down.

Don't give your ex-friend the power to drag you down. There are other people out there who would enjoy your company. Try the library or a church - any church. Just visit once or twice. Chances are someone will approach you. Thinking of you. Barbo