Hi, I've never posted here before and I don't know if this is where I should post , but it seems the most applicable. I've been seriously depressed for about three years, I desperatly want to die and I can't force myself to exist very much longer. how can i possibly cope with the pain when literaly everything in the world makes me hurt even worse. I just cant stand all the pain and the suffering and the greed and the corruption. It taints everyone no matter how good and pure they once were. I am completly alone i have no skills, talents, or even interests. I can just barely force myself to accomplish even the simplest of tasks like changing clothes or eating. And on top of it all, i just found out that my one and only friend is not at all the person I thought she was, and it turns out i have no idea who she even is. So here I am, it's two in the morning, I can't stop planning my own death, and I am continuously fighting very powerful urges to jump off buildings or to cut my wrists. Also i've prayed to God several times to kill me, and I really hope He'll forgive me for commiting suicide because i can't see myself alive a week from now. I honestly don't believe that there is anyting anyone can say or do to make me feel any better, I just want someone in this terrible world to know how I felt.

Thank you for listining to my pathetic self pity.

2am is a very lonely time for anyone in your circumstances.... awake and feeling down. You are not alone. I care!

Click this link and come and join me in the Sleepless at SOS thread. Maybe we can keep each other company. http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread103360.html

If you prefer not to, then that's fine too. I'm happy to "talk" to you here, if you would prefer that.

I'm sorry to see that I missed you thelonely1. If you come back tonight I may still be around, so please do post here or in the thread I gave you the link to, above. I'll be looking out for you.

I'm here most nights when others are tucked up in bed, so please drop in if you'd like some-one to keep you company.

I'm glad you chose this forum to make your initial post. This is a wonderful group and very supportive of each other. Most of our members have been in a situation that could equate to your own in some way, either because they've been there themselves, or some-one they love has been there.

Please have a look at this website, and keep the phone numbers handy. I think you'll find that the people on the other end of the telephone will understand as well.
http://www.oregon.gov/DHS/ph/ipe/ysp/index.shtml

I know that things must look bleak at the moment, but please take a minute to read the information at the bottom of one of our member's pages. Her user name is Alffe, and here's the message that she posted: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

Although you might feel it hard to believe that a mere stranger can care for another they've not yet met, then please spend a while and get to know us thelonely1. Hopefully we can convince you, and you won't be lonely any more.

welcome to our group. i'm glad that you wrote on here - it's a great community of really caring and sincere people (sometimes hard to find in this world).

i know what it's like to think that everyone is tainted and selfish....but this is a safe environment.

please continue posting.

Hello,
Tell us more about yourself.

Are you are being treated for your depression??
At all? - maybe a different med or combo would help ?

Hello thelonely1,

I hope that in finding this forum, you realize you have found a haven of support ...

I know all about depression - and reaching out is one of the most difficult things to do... it take a lot of courage ...

posting here took courage! Congrats on that first step

Please reach out for help from a doctor, too... if you're already on meds - tell him/her that they're not working (finding the right depression med can be very draining but the end result is worth it, along with the right therapy) ... educate yourself about depression...

Become your own best friend... we're here to help you

Dear Lonely,

You are far from pathetic. I, too, lack the energy and motivation to do the simplest of things, and it becomes worse. The world CAN be bad, but you cannot deny that there is good as well. We have no idea what death is like, but I hold the belief that there is no way to kill the Spirit, only the body; and that the body, i.e. this life is necessary for learning in order to prepare for whatever the future life may hold. Can you leave the house at all? If so, congratulations - you are able to do something! Concentrate on what you have and try to reach out to others. Do you have physical pain, or do you refer to emotional pain that is with you all the time. I'm not saying that one is worse than the other, but if you don't have both, or if the physical pain is not severe or constant, you HAVE something that some NT members do not have. If you have recently had a friend, regardless of said friend's character, you are capable of forming relationships, and that is a HAVE. If you look hard enough, many, if not most, people are just little, tiny persons who live in a world of pain of their own. Granted, some people have learned to be positive enough that they SEEM to have avoided this, but most have not, they are just good at hiding it, and they preoccupy themselves with other things, both good and bad, so that they don't feel it as much. I know how much you want to escape from your current situation, and I, too, have prayed to die. But we cannot say that we want to die, when we have no idea what that is like. I am not saying that I can live the following statement, but I know that it is true: positive actions bring more positive thoughts, and vice versa. Stay with us!!!!!! You may feel unable to DO anything, but you have things to learn. So do I!! PM me anytime. Caring About You ~ billie

DEAR Kristen, and lonely1,

Well you have cetainly arrived at the right place, at SOS.

Thoughts of Sicide and Death are exactly that THOUGHTS. They only mean something when the thoughts are put into action, until that they remain thoughts.

for more years than i care to remember i too have had these disgusting thoughts, and once or twice put action to thought, [completely unsuccessful thank god]

When the actions start to rise to the surface, you must seek imideate HELP. A+E [ER in the US] DONTsit there and allow the action of your thoughts take over, get up move, call 911 or get to a hospital as soon as possible.

When thoughts become actions, true sense of raltional behaviour goes out the window. So dont delay get help. Get a place of safety where Rationale can return and grief can express itself in a more clinical and sterile way. CRY CRY AND CRY MORE.....IT is a natural healing mechanism, it is your inner overflow pipe................................

Whenthe initial panic of suicidal thoughts subside.......concentrate on YOU............[NOT THE THOUGHTS YOU HAVE, NOT EVEN HOW YOU FEEL]
Concentrate on your person...........wash like you never bathed before....clean your nails, youyr hair, your teeth, ...............concentrate on each part of your body...................then dress in your finest clothes.....ironed to prestine condition with cleaned shoes..........and any accessories that your heart desires.................

then walk to a place you have never been before.........and submerge yourself in the surroundings..............have a coffe, a nice cake, a sandwich .............drink plenty of water [for the next few days not alcohol]////////////


BY FOCCUSING ON YOURSELF...YOUR APPEARANCE...YOUR SURROUNDINGS....AND NOT YOUR CRIPPLING ANXIETIES..........YOU CAN FIND BREATHING SPACE TO CARRY ON.



never think these thoughts will disapear without intervention...be it medication , or talk therapy, .....as they may just linger.................but will not truly disapear..........

you have to work at these feelings..............but rember they are THOUGHTS...NOT ACTIONS unless you ACT on them..................they CAN BE CONTAINED....

YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS YOU JUST HAVE TO

WANT TO.

I'M LIVING PROOF

DAVID

Hi, I was just having a really sad, lonely day. It's Friday night and everyone is out partying with friends, and all I can do is sit here staring into space and wishing I had someone to talk to. Will anyone ever be able to tolerate my company? Am I really that unloveable?

NO - you're not unloveable. Sometimes I think it;s just because people are so immersed in their own live that they don't look up and see a friend there. You are loved and don't for get it. I love you. Barbo