Acceptance. Acceptance is the key to healing for the survivor of suicide, but it is a deceptively simple concept. First of all, most of us operate under the assumption that we are already "accepting" the suicide. After all, only a deluded few would fail to believe that the event actually happened. That's "acceptance," isn't it?

It may be the beginnings of acceptance, but it's not the entire understanding. Accpting a suicide means not only acknowledging the basic reality, but accepting the contributing facors and the ramifications of it - without embellishing them with invented ideas, either positive or negative.

For example, you might have to accept that your loved one lost a very long battle with depression. If you were to embellish this reality either positively (by denying the fact that such a severe emotional illness could have existed within them) or negatively (by unfairly holding yourself responsible for not having "cured" them of it), then you are not truly accepting the suicide for what it is -a tragic event that, while wholly unwelcome, was beyond the control of you and those around you.

Author Jeffrey Jackson who lost his wife Gail to suicide.

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Grief is different when a loved one meets a violent end. It raises different kinds of unanswered questions and stirs different emotions than when loved ones die peacefully in their sleep or even when their suffering is mercifully brought to an end by their passing. So where do grievers go with this special kind of pain?

I suggest they run where all those with great suffering need to run: to the only One whose shoulders are broad enough, whose arms are strong enough, and whose love is deep enough.

"It's all right - questions, pain, and stabbing anger can be poured out to the Infinite One and He will not be damaged...For we beat on His chest from within the circle of His arms," writes Susan Lenzkes, author of When Life Takes What Matters.

*****When God & Grief Meet by Lynn Eib

Alffee...... I seem to remember you have started a suicide support group in your area....

I'm positive that your group will be very valuable to those who are ready to grow....

I'd like to know how its going for you?

((Alffe)) I am still beating on His chest, but I am getting there

I missed the first part of your thread, acceptance is what I wrote about for the Alzheimer's book. It was a long hard journey getting there, but it is the only way I have survived this torturous long goodbye.

I am a long long way from accepting Dad's suicide though. But I do know, true healing can only happen when I am able to find that acceptance.

As always thanks for sharing your wisdom with us

Nik-key, thank you for sharing your journey here -- I've learned from you and gained new insights from what you've written here. My mother never forgave her mother, and I saw first-hand and experienced the tragic consequences of suicide within the family.

Alffe, I don't know how you gather these gems of wisdom and get them posted here, but they meet a great need. Thank you for caring so well for all of us and for given us many of the tools that we need to survive. I'm too old to be your daughter, but I wish that I'd had a mother like you