So when did you first hit the brick wall? You know, the place where it hurts so much you're certain continuing on without your loved one doesn't seem possible.

Perhaps you hit it right away - especially if your loved one's death was completely unexpected or particularly violent or if your grief involves multiple losses. You may have crashed into it later when everyone else's life went back to "normal" and you realized that yours never would.

Regardless of your personal circumstances, you're at the wall when you feel that even if God is going on before you into each day, you simply don't have the strength to follow.

If you haven't hit it yet, chances are you're going to sometime - perhaps after the initial numbness wears off. And don't be surprised if you hit the wall again - even after you thought you were past it. Grief experts call it
"the second wounding,: and it occurs as the reality of your loss begins to sink in at an even deeper level.

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When God & Grief Meet by Lynn Eib

from the chapter: Continuing On When it Doesn't Seem Possible

I wonder... is the second wounding worse (if you can compare such a thing) than the first... ?

Does "surviving" the first wound help you in knowing you can make it past this second wounding?

I have found comfort just being in the presence of survivors, especially survivors whose loss occured years ago...because if they can survive it, so can we.

I had one woman say to me..."you're still standing"...I understood exactly what she meant.

Wow! Alffe and Addy! I can't add anything of substance to this thread, but I want you both to know that what you write about here can make the difference between wanting to survive and wanting to die. I love you both,
reyn

I hit that wall, again, and again, and again.....

((Addy)) For me, the "second wounding" is just as profound as the initial blow... but with it also comes the knowledge that no matter how intensely it hurts, I CAN survive it.

((Alffe)) I know just what you are saying. YOU have been my "proof" that I CAN SURVIVE!
And I just love you

"Guilt is what we feel when we focus our anger where it doesn't belong --

on ourselves"

******Jeffrey Jackson SOS A Handbook for Survivors of Suicide

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