http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TImNW...=youtube_gdata


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Blue,
Of course you deserve the good things!!! Everyone does!!
God doesn't always give us what we want...but he always provides us with what we need.

This cake you speak of, though it is not a common cake for you.... sounds beautiful and delicious...but have you given that thought that this cake may not be for you as maybe it's too small, maybe too big, maybe it's too sweet, maybe not sweet enough...

Please know what you are seeing may not be good enough for you on the inside... maybe the cake you want sounds good and looks good but is not good. Yes, this cake you dream of exists...but is out of your reach for some reason not made clear to you.

God often lets us see and experience many beautiful things that would cause us great harm... Lightening shooting across the sky is beautiful...but to touch it would likely kill us. Lava flowing from a volcano...beautiful too... but to touch would severely burn us...likely even take our life.

God also brings us beautiful things that cause no harm and make us happy just when we need to experience them the most. Like a rainbow after the storm.

Don't stop dreaming of the good things you want in life... just know that they may not come when you want them... they will come when you need them...it may not be the exact thing you wanted but if you give it a closer look you will see it's exactly as it should be... and most likely will come when you quit looking for them.

I hope this makes sense... Blue you do deserve the BEST that this life has to offer!!!


Abbie

(((Blue))) Fasten your seatbelt, sweetheart. This rough ride will pass. Baby yourself with something you love.

I am glad you do not have a gun.
I am glad you have the talent and grit to go through a PhD in the sciences.

i wanted to say something about this particular point:

it is very simple with me. sometimes i find sunlight cheery, warming, comforting. but other times, specifically if i am in a very very dark place, it overwhelms me. it upsets me more.

with me, i believe it is the contrast that is upsetting: the brilliance of the sun against the darkness of my feelings. so, when i have been so dark on the inside, but the sun decided still to splatter itself all over the outside, i would call this "mood-incongruent weather."

i am glad you can talk to God. it doesn't matter if you want to complain or ask for things. Being able to talk to God is good.

Also see if you can hear or see God sometimes. Some do it with a sort of meditative prayer. Another way is actually quite tangible. Try getting near a plant or another creation of nature... (NOT MAN MADE) and observe it. carefully. trace all its perfection and its imperfections... a bud with a dew drop glinting diamonds and rainbows off it. a withering leaf with an unsightly gaping hole eaten by a caterpillar... think of the butterfly that came to life by feeding on that leaf. Trace these physical paths and causal paths with your mind, in Creation, and you will see something no less than Divine. and maybe realize that it is all connected. all intertwined. and that you are no less... you are part of all this. we all are.



~ waves ~ hoping you start feeling better

Hello dear all,

Sorry for not writing before, I just came here and thanked because I couldnt write as I was very touched and couldnt stop crying............

You always make me feel better and happier

(((barbo))) I couldnt talk to anybody as I was crying at the church.... a woman gave me a prayer to read, and told me I would feel better... I actually did... and realised the people there probably had bigger problems than me... I ended praying for everybody That felt good.

(((Alffe)))

(((Abbie))) That was a very, very beautiful post !!! you touched me deeply in my heart !!! You know, I cant stop dreaming... sometimes I wonder if that's my problem... I dont know how to manage my dreams... I always want to reach them, and, sometimes that causes me trouble...
Im re-reading your post... it is pretty and wise... Thank you so much Abbie !

(((Doody)))

(((da duck))) Your post also touched me so deeply... I couldnt stop crying... you are so right... very wise... thank you for talking about cakes for me !!!

(((waves))) you are very smart honey !!! you always have explanations for all the weird things that happen to me !!! Thanks for all that stuff. It makes sense... I will be "careful" when getting out to the sun light after staying in a dark room for 5 days

I want to leave blessing for you all...

I wanted to write before, but my mind was... all messed up !!!

I have the impression Im not expressing everything I would like to, but, oh yeah I LOVE YOU !!!

[QUOTE=BlueMajo;607039]Good morning dear sweet all.

Thank you for your prayers... I was able to sleep in peace last night, from 2 am to 10 am... Without even moving !
It's a shame I had to wake up and remember all my problems


.. I was expecting the sun would help me feel better, but it didn't happen... How weird is that ?
Hi Blue, I feel compelled to offer support for how weird the crying can feel when we expected something else. I am deeply moved by your sharing and very grateful for reading the thoughtful and caring replies. I offer a tid-bit of experience from the depths of the dark side as well. The tears at going to meet god and have a talk, are likely the common reaction to the experience of light pouring out of the crack in your heart. For some reason the Grace of this light comes unexpectedly. We cry because there is no other response on the physiological level, to the immensity of that grace touching us directly.

This is often first labeled by the mind as something wrong. Tears mean something is wrong, right? But if we SIMPLY observe the body, the instinctual experience, more neutrally, we often discover it has nothing to do with any part of our "story". It often opens up due to the story, as a compensating energy, showing us we are more than the one perspective.

We are both sides. The paradox seems to be the challenge to allow the other side as much value, when we have mentally adjusted mostly to the painful perspectives. It takes a moment to shift awareness to catch grace in action. Every time we do notice it, we can remember we are THAT LIGHT AS WELL. So the dark story is never taken as the whole in quite the same way again. The good news/bad news paradox and irony.Then our body cries tears of remembrance not sadness, one might use the words 'bitter sweet' tears.

I hope this sharing of mine will support those brief moments where the light shines like a beacon through the crack in your broken heart. It says, look here I am as well.....Both /And rather than only this is real.....


Like, why was that cake created according to my right dream if it's not going to be mine ???

Loved your cake metaphor. Wondering if it might represent your conscious desires for whatever the underlying representation means to you. Unattainable because it is made up of idealized version of reality not embodied in life limitations in matter. Sometimes what looks good and yummy in the beginning, becomes less yummy in the end.

Maybe it is unattainable not because you don't deserve good, yummy things, but because it is too small and limited version of the delicious, juicy thing you really want and deserve. Sometimes the mind tricks us into grabbing onto the hollow treats, and the idealized version of reality they represent.

I have certainly mistaken the 'lovely appearing cake' as my expected outcome in the past. Some part of me somehow knew better. I never quite got to have that expectation or desire fulfilled. Yet I assure you there is the possibility of something even better, more juicy, representing a higher potential enjoyment, than what the regular craving mind can imagine.

The other unknown option is what I have to remember to make room for in my life. When I do surprising things come forth. I learn that I do not know what is best for me at all much of the time. And the old maxim- be careful of what you wish for holds true......

I hope you might make room to feel this momentary surprise and shift in awareness, and be able to build on it and discover something new and exciting within the frustrating and aggravating process.

Hope things are better lately, and that something rings true in what I was inspired to share. Thanks for the chance to remember the process of finding the unknown mysterious thing which makes everything balance out perfectly!

Best Wishes for the New Year TT

Hiya Blue,

I just thought I'd drop by and see how you were doing. I hope you are feeling better.

I'm still praying for you, and trying to send you warm comforting thoughts and lots of hugs.



You will get through this, and we will be here to help you. God has His plans for us, and even if we can't know what they are, we can try to do our best with what He has given us, and know that if we truly try our hardest, then we are certainly following the right course.

Lucky for us God has given us all this website, so we can share with our loving family.

More Hugs,



You are too sweet and compassionate to be feelling so down.

Blue,
First of all, I was about to post an entry along the same lines as yours. I'm feeling the EXACT same things as you are. I feel like I fell off the bandwagon and I've been left at the side of the road.

I don't even know where to begin but I will send you all the support I have if you just think about me too <3

Ah..... I can 100% relate to wanting to go on a much desired trip and watching it slip away....

I had everything planned... plane tickets in hand but something inside of me wouldn't let me pack even one item... the day before I was supposed to leave, I got a call telling me that my trip had been cancelled.

It was several months later and hopes of it ever happening had long passed... but I did end up making the trip... so keep it in your dreams, keep saving money and when the time is right... I believe your dreams will come true!!!


Abbie

((Blue)) you are in my thoughts and prayers. I haven't been around much lately, but I felt drawn back to the forum--guess it was because of you. Now I know that I can just be one more person thinking of you and praying for you.

From my *heart,
reyn