[thelonely1]

It was my birthday today. I knew that no one here could possibly know that, and in truth, I had no expectations that anyone outside my immediate family would even think of me. Yet somewhere in the back of my mind I diluted myself into thinking that maybe I was important to at least one other person. I let myself think that maybe, just maybe, they were going to surprize me somehow.

But it's late now so I suppose that I have been completely forgotten. No, not forgotten. In order to be forgotten, I would have first had to be thought of. And clearly I never crossed another person's mind.

How can it hurt so bad? Even though I've been telling myself for weeks that I would be spending my birthday alone, it still crushes my heart when it actually happens. I didn't want a celebration or presents. I just desperately wanted even the tiniest show of love. Why would I ever want to celebrate the day I was forced into this horrible world anyway?

I don't know why I bother trying at life anymore. I fail at everything I ever do. No one will willingly tolerate my presence. I have no decernible talents, skills, or even interests. And not even I can believe that I will ever amout to anything.

When my mom asked me what I wanted for my birthday, my first thought was "death," and my second was "to not live long enough to see another one." What a downer I am. No wonder nobody wants me.

I am so sorry that I have to clutter this forum with my pathetic whining, but unfortunately, I have no one else to talk to.

I think I'll go to bed now; I can't bear to be concious another minute anyway.

I'm sorry. Thank you for listining. Good night.