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Old 03-14-2010, 10:26 PM #1
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Heart frustration

i feel overwhelmed with my inability to focus on one thing and get to the end of the issue and find some peace. I want to function and be successful in fixing what is broken. and i feel like i can not have one thought long enough before another external issue creeps up and bites me in the rear!
i feel like i have a hat full of problem and i need to pick one. and solve it. but the other problems wont rest in my mind long enough for me to problem solve. I dont want all this dark space, i want to breath easy and have some clarity and be able to help my baby feel the same.nothing trumps ur children
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The SUICIDE JOURNALS LINK
pain and pleasure of life loved and lost
BY Colleen Rowley
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Old 03-15-2010, 06:08 AM #2
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Heart Colleen

I wish you and I could sit together in real life Colleen because I do "get it" and have lived it and survived to talk about it. I did not have young children at home, watching me "deal" with all the pain and that would be such an added stressor. I had/have a supportive husband, who was also struggling with his own grief...something you don't have. So you are it for those girls and probably a lot of other people since you have gone "public" so to speak. My concern is for you because it takes time to work through all the anger, to understand that anger.

How can we be mad at someone we loved so much!!??? Because they did it to themselves!! Could we have made a difference in their lives? Could we have fixed their problem? ss? Could we have comforted them and made a difference at that moment??? We'll never know and that sucks!!

One day you will come to "accept" what Sean has done...you'll never like it and probably never understand it but you will be able to put it in a "quiet place" and go on.

I'm so glad you are here, talking about what you are feeling.
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Old 03-15-2010, 09:05 AM #3
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Trig feeling of anger towards a lost loved one **Trigger

There can be feeling of anger towards a lost loved one. Many questions, why, what were they thinking, they hurt me, they hurt the family, how could a reglious person do this, thought it was a sin according to the bible.
Basicly the person gave up on life, a conterdiction to our human instinct to surive at all costs. When your time is up, time is UP. Our "stop or end" time is generaly not our choice to make.

Chances are the lost loved one had few things on thier mind.
Pain of the world coming down on them.
Hopelessness / desperation / DEPRESSION
Discouraged and not able to make progress
The only way out, or only way to make the pain stop
how do I get this done and make sure it happens this time

It is very hard to love someone, who loved you, then hurt you deeply. It takes time to forgive, heal the wounds and to sort out the emotions.
...all with a person you can not talk to face to face. (you can pray.)
Remember "time heals all wounds"

Suicide is one BIG pothole in the journy of life for the remaining living.

Death scares me. Seen too much of it, it still bothers me. I do go to funerals as unpleasent as it is. Been to a funeral that made me extreamly uncomfterable and want to crawl out of my skin. (I am a stable person) Also been to funerals where is was a somber celibration of the persons life. Family, friends spoke of thier memories of the one who passed. Funerals are for the living. Funerals are for paying the respects to the dead and the start of our emotional closure. The body is just an empty shell, but the persons spirit and memories live on.

This post is not directed towards anyone, it just may help someones healing. and a good place to put it.

For anyone feeling suicidial, call 911. If you succeed, you hurt many.

Here is a thought: What do you think your momma will do to you in the after life if you commit suicide? The beatings and nagging will last forever.
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