Waves

Sending thoughts and prayers too you.

Donna

thank you very much Donna

i appreciate that.

it is bothering me, even though this technically doesn't hit me close up, as i did not know the two who died... but the whole thing is really awful especially considering some things my aunt told me about the circumstances, about how the family was not allowing the woman to grieve her husband, and ... well i was going to post about it but it is hard. it makes me angry even though i don't doubt their intentions were to help her. i feel bad saying anything bad about their actions, but i also feel really sickened by what they did. and yes even though i was not directly involved. they actually stopped my cousin from helping her, even.

now they are covering up the suicide. officially calling it a heart attack. at school there are rumors of it. so they are going to start a competing rumor so that (supposedly!) the kids will believe the heart attack version YEARRIGHT.

~ waves ~

It's that stigma waves and it doesn't seem to improve with time. People don't know what to say so they make insensitive remarks...and they judge people..."They must have done something for this to happen"..It's easier for some people to lie about it and call it something other than what it is.

It makes me so angry also because your cousin will have to live with this lie and pay a very high price for not being able to talk about what happened...talk about her feelings.

If you'd like, pm me your address and I'll send you a wonderful little booklet you can share with her.

see, that is exactly why i didn't want to post that. i am afraid to sound judgmental. stuff that happened makes me angry but if i say it, it sounds judgmental. i mean, after all, they're the family and they lost someone, and i didn't lose anyone right? so who do i think i am, to be angry about this stuff anyway, or say something is stupid or not, right? yeah i'm sure it sounds pretty bad.

well you know i've always believed and, however i may come off to you, i do still believe even in this case, that there is really no telling whether anything could have made any difference. maybe something could have, maybe nothing would have. all the same, a lot of really dumb stuff went down. and it makes me mad. like for instance:

LETS PUT SOMEONE WHO IS EXPRESSLY SUICIDAL ON FREAKIN SEDATIVES!!!!

i best not say any more or i will get people here upset i suppose.

thank you for the booklet offer i will think about it. how long is it btw? (i would need to translate it)

I don't think you are being judgemental waves, you are trying to help your cousin which may prove to be impossible since it's being labeled as a heart attack. ~sigh

And I forgot about you having to translate it...it's 30 pages long.

i am grateful that you don't think i am being judgmental even if i guess i myself feel like it is "wrong" of me to be angry or something like that. i am directly upset about what happened even if i wasn't directly involved.

also i realize i may have caused confusion, esp. with mention of the sedatives.... my cousin's friend hanged herself. she was not found lifeless in bed where cause of death might be debated/debatable. so, those who know it is a suicide, know, period, but also know not to tell people but instead tell the official version - that of the heart attack. the latter is what they are going to try to feed the children.

supposedly the covering up is "for" the kids, but i too believe its about the social stigma, no more, no less. i think it is abominable to try to cover it up like this to the kids because the account of the hanging is already circulating in their school, and even if they are away for now, it will almost certainly emerge at some point. and at that point, they will know they are being lied to by SOMEONE. and its pretty unlikely someone would arbitrarily make up a hanging story, so which do you think they'll buy. they are ages 10 and 12. my fear is that they will find out, and NOT tell anyone they found out, or if they do, they will just be told it isn't true. so they will NOT talk about it, and end up in very very very tumultuous teenage years with this huge unmitigated burden, and inevitable guilt (albeit undeserved). it could mean big trouble as i see it.

as for the book 30 pages is doable but i think before undertaking that i'll see if i think she might be receptive. it isn't like the issue will go away, so when i do eventually talk to her, i will decide.

~ waves ~