[Addy]

♫ Signs, signs... everywhere there's signs... (and to those of us who are familiar with the 5 Men Electric Band lyrics - the rest of the song doesn't apply to what my thread is about today)

Anyway.... yesterday, I flipped my desk calender over to Saturday, July 17, and this is what it said: "Most people realize that when they're operating at their ideal level of commitment, they're effective, helpful, loving, on-target, and having a good time. When you're overcommitted, however, everything begins to fall apart."

I've been slipping into the abyss this past while... again ...

My self-destructive behaviour patterns were darn-well repeating themselves because of other people's stuff... my interpretation (assumptions) of the situations and how others were acting ... which resulted in my talking with others which came back to nip me in the butt.

I'm a bit of a spiritual person in the sense that I believe people and things come into my life for a reason. Now whether it be God or a past relative's spirit or that door knob over there, I'm not sure... but I'm always somehow able to take a lesson out of experiences.

What I'm also recognizing is that my patterns came from my upbringing/environment/circumstances - my defense mechanisms were absorbed from watching my family and reacting to it.

Thank God I continue to be able to pull on my personal soul - that which makes me, me - to get me out of the pit again. That pit was "overcommitment" and I wasn't able to rationalize the anger and resentment I was feeling because I was/am doing way too much at my job... and I was trying to relieve the mental and physical burden of the store owner, who is bi-polar (has told she is slipping into a breakdown - she's seeing a doctor weekly - even talks about me, then comes back with his interpretations!!! she's introverted and extremely anxiety ridden - yet, a brilliant store keeper)... it has all been sucking the life out of me again! aaarrgh....

Signs, signs... everywhere there's signs... and I have the choice to chose the path and lead myself down it.

I thank the powers that be for this forum... from the bottom of my heart, I feel safe here. And I'm very grateful that I was able to write down how I am feeling.

Addy

[Alffe]

I love your candor Addy. And your ability to "see" yourself and make "corrections"...or at least identify the problem. David must be so proud...it's you, taking care of you.

I do understand about family history...about toxic people..about carrying around the baggage of our lives. How very right on that calendar of yours is...the level of commitment = having a good time.

There is so much I wish I could say but I can't here...too many eyes.

[Addy]

HI Alffe,
I read back at what I wrote and can see my thoughts are all over the place... much of it probably only makes sense to me. And that's ok... because once again I discover more about ME!

Today's calendar says: "An almost surefire way to begin to reclaim your life is to develp the courage and wisdom to know when and what to quit."

That doesn't tell me to quit my job... it tells me to quit repeating the damaging patterns.

yep, courage and wisdom - we have both, don't we dear Alfffeee
Addy

[Doody]

Miss ((Addy)), check your messages.

[DMACK]

Addy........ baby steps
in a recent post i wrote:
'we walk through forest's and can't sometimes see the woods for the trees'

Recognising the personal traits....... that bring us down, wind us up, and potentialy throw life into a spin.......are sometimes nigh on impossible.....but until we recognise them...they repeat themselves until we recognise the pattern of inner destruction that these traits ultimately cause.

I agree 100% that are childhood and upbringing are most often the traits we keep the longest.....its what we know...what we learnt,,,,how we coped. [but we at sometime have to accept we are no longer children but adults.....we can restructure are views, opinions, thoughts, actions.....to a personal choice....not concieved by our instructors...[parents, teachers, peers]

Having an imaginary cupboard in our mind is a helpful tool............things that are unhelpful, like guilt, remorse, fear, regret.......should be placed in the mind cupboard and the door to it locked, ..........only take it out and deal with it when you have the anser to overcome it.....until that time it is locked away and therfeore forbid it entrance to your waking mind,........

Its not dismissing the thoughts....its dealing with things in order.

Do what you can..when you can.....and do what you cant....when you can.

i return to:
'we walk through forest's and can't sometimes see the woods for the trees'

We often think what we worry about, is the most important thing...........truly it is not .....................the most important thing is seeking a soloution to the problem that causes the worry. If we cant solve the problem, look for another option......look for a path we can live with. The problem may never go away....but if it can be lived with..... its then tollerable and eventualy no longer a problem at all......................

Goals are never reached until obstacles are overcome......some times just change the objective of the goal you aspire to.


Alffe i am proud .........proud of anyone and everyone who questions their life and looks for a better version 'taking care of you' is a start to this process. If we care about ourselves then others may also care about us. If we care about ourselves its a tad easier to care about others.........through experience

David

[Alffe]

More good advice from David.. Addy, remember about the hole in the sidewalk! Walk down a different street...*grin

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/sh...=hole+sidewalk

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