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#1 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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I need to vent a tiny bit and mostly just let some things out and maybe get advice .
so here is the situation. I have two contacts both had trail for the PNS aka neuro stim. one was very successful the other wasn't and it failed to help her with the pain. both of these two people were pretty good friends before I came into the picture. so the one whos trail failed dosent really chat at me or anything she write the other friend. well things have been getting darker and darker in the messages she sending. she is speaking of suicide and such. too I have to add that this friend whose trail helped we have become pretty good friends and she has shared some of the message with me. I have been trying to get her to stop reading all the emails and the posts.I want her to heal from the trail and just be well over all in mind body and spirit ..so she is ready for the final implant. in doing that I have been telling this friend she needs to call this persons husband and let him see the big true picture.let him know his wife is considering suicide. I have told her to do this a good many times. today we made promise to each other that 1-- she will call the hub and speak with him and 2 --that if she dose that I wont post to this person directly in a forum in which I would speak to the whole forum and let everyone know what she has talked of doing. I do not think it is fair for anyone to be held hostage by someone else who talks of taking their own life.It has made me very angry up set and crying. I can only think of what my friend is feeling like and the guilt she has shared with me over this. I just want to help her.I want to make a protective bubble around them both and make everything all right for them both. My friend is barely able to deal with her own pain as she waits for the final implant. I do not want to ruin their friendship but i know that will happen when the other finds out this friend has shared with me. I do not know what to do. am I doing the right thing by trying to get friend to call that persons hub and telling him what is going on with his wife??????????????????? Tell him his wife is suicidal and has thoughts and plans. is that wrong to do???? please any advice or suggestions would be priceless. thank you ahead of time for anything anyone can say share or advise. PEACE BMW p.s. yes i have given my friend the suicide hot line number. she is thinking of calling it just to be able to talk to someone about the friend and maybe get help that way.She is also giving the number to the friend too. |
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#2 | |||
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Young Senior Elder Member
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This is so unfair on many counts BMW. You cannot be held responsible, or hostage to anothers threats...now how to tell our hearts and minds this!!
I've said many times that if someone is hell bent on ending their life, you really can't "fix" that. And, just my opinion....yes, I would urge you to have her tell the husband..at least you could share this fear although it's possible that he knows. Hard to hide that kind of depression from people you love. It's always about choices in this life...I love you for caring. Can you print out my signature link and give it to them? ![]() ![]() If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional - only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain. I don’t know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment, you’re reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this. I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won’t argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad. Well, you’re still reading, and that’s very good. I’d like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you’re at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let’s hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes. Start by considering this statement: “Suicide is not chosen; it happens That’s all it’s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.” ![]() When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources. You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible. Now I want to tell you five things to think about. 1You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope. 2Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, “I will wait 24 hours before I do anything.” Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn’t mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it’s just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you. 3People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead. 4Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you. But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what’s going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try:
5Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet. Well, it’s been a few minutes and you’re still with me. I’m really glad. Since you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of the page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more coping resources than you have pain. So let’s give you another coping resource, or two, or ten...! until they outnumber your sources of pain. ![]() Now: I’d like you to call someone. And while you’re at it, you can still stay with me for a bit. Check out these sources of online help.Additional things to read at this site:
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Want to share your suicide story? Please visit the Suicide Project and leave your story Have feedback? Please write us
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#3 | |||
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Young Senior Elder Member
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http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/whattodo.htm
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![]() WARNING SIGNS Conditions associated with increased risk of suicide
The majority of the population at any one time does not have many of the warning signs and has a lower suicide risk rate. But a lower rate in a larger population is still a lot of people - and many completed suicides had only a few of the conditions listed above. In a one person to another person situation, all indications of suicidality need to be taken seriously. Crisis intervention hotlines that accept calls from the suicidal, or anyone who wishes to discuss a problem, are (in New York City) The Samaritans at 212-673-3000 and Helpline at 212-532-2400. ![]()
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#4 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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![]() I copied and pasted the first reply and it is being sent to the other friend as we speak. I didnt see the last post but will do the same with it. ALFFEMOM I LOVE YOU PERIOD. ![]() ![]() I love you for being here!!!! I feel better ... my friend said she felt better being able to send this to the other friend ![]() PEACE BMW wanted to add that I have all of this in a file now saved and it is on my desktop of the comp. since this is not the first time I have needed this info. maybe other would like to do the same as all of the info you gave us Alffe is almost as priceless you are Alffe!!!!!! Last edited by Burntmarshmallow; 06-20-2010 at 06:22 PM. Reason: to add to my post |
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#5 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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![]() ALFFEMOM that was on target and a life saver to the one at the other end of the "chain relay message ".. ![]() I know a couple other helped too you both know who you are ![]() Thank You From "us" to all of you. ![]() ![]() and mostly Thank God. PEACE BMW |
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