Big hugs, SeamsLike.
God bless and keep you.

Hi Terri!

This is an understatement, as I am a little pressed for time at the moment; yet, I'd wanted to thank you for your note to all of us.
I also want to let you know that I continue to lift you up in prayer during this trying time. I am sure others are also lifting you up, supporting you in many ways.

Every crisis in our lives is an opportunity for growth!
Sometimes, we can say "no" and keep on our current path.
Other times,it is clear our current path no longer serves us and we have to go through the changes in order to survive. This is a huge wake-up call to us!

May times, we feel "dead" or "almost dead" inside because we have outgrown old roles. Those old roles were stifling, choking the life right out of us! They no longer bring life into our veins, they no longer stoke the embers of our hearts, they no longer nourish our souls.

As we move forward and shed "old skin," we shed other old parts of ourselves and former roles-- we also may feel we are dying (or may feel like dying). Often, during these times, we are simply dying to our old selves. This can create anxiety, as we are not sure what our revamped life will look like yet. However, you can trust it wil be much better than where you have been recently.

There will be work ahead, yet it is worthy work and rewarding work, as you are going to find YOU-- ALL of YOU! And you will learn to cherish YOU! Your roles in life are going to become more rewarding, more fuilfilling and will even bring you true joy!
There are many gifts for you ahead on your path!
I hope you enjoy and cherish each and every one of them!

It may be a rocky path at times, yet. Take heart and have faith that your life is going to be better than ever! As you work through things, you are going to feel lighter, brighter, and more free than ever!

Out with the old and in with the new!

We continue to surround you with love and support during this difficult time.

Hopeful Healing Hugs to you, Terri!
~DejaVu

SeamsLike

quote 'To ask for help puts you in a position of vulnerability'. end quote:

to ask for help is also a sign of great inner strength. I often say to others with depression...if you had a broken leg...would you seek treatment or let it heal its self?....Vulnerability comes from human embarressment, and an ounce of pride...

delayed response from those we love and have cared for in the past is often the case.....a lack of empathy is often the reason...[its not that they dont care...its that they dont often see other peoples pain...]

I hope you get comfort from your new found religion....i followed a similar path myself..although i dont attend a church and do not talk openly about my belief....i believe in a greater force...wether that be nature or life itself i'm not sure.
though i often take great comfort from the FOOT-PRINTS IN THE SAND story.

And at my lowest ebb i often see only one set of footprints ....sometimes i accept that a greater being carried me through those dark times....and other times i accept i carried myself through...and the single footprints are those of my own.


Medication in depression is very helpful and not all of it slows you down. The only reason i stopped taking mine a year ago was because...odd as it may sound i missed crying. [ODD VERY ODD ...but for twenty years crying was my way of venting my pain....then for three years i shed very few tears and felt a little desensitised...,,,,but a year off medication the tears are back and getting out of control...hence my reintoduction to the medication........]

What i'm trying to say is there are many anti-depressant meds out there and if one does not work for you ask for a change to accomadte a life you live with.....

There is light at the end of this tunnel..................you just have to squint at times to see it.

David


DeJavu..................you are an INSPIRATION

Hi David,

Truly, your writing inspires my writing.
I am very glad I am here with all of you!

~DejaVu

So... I got there and first I got bumped from my original appointment to a later one. Which turned out to be o.k. because I had to fill out like 8 pages of forms... mostly questionnaires. One of them gives me a "Depression" score that was very high. The doctor even asked me, "Are you sure you don't have thoughts of suicide or ending your life?" I said... no, as the daughter of someone who committed suicide.. I just can't do that to my family members.

He got the whole family history of Mom, Gramma, Aunt, basically all the women on my mom's side have been seriously depressed and hospitalized for it. He talkes to me about what it is "I" want out of this! Come on... you're the doctor here! If I knew what I wanted I wouldn't be coming to you! I've never been to a Psychologist before, I don't know what I'm supposed to get out of this. I just want to get better!

So, I tell him the issues I am having at work, the issues I'm having at home, sleeping, all that stuff. He gives me the song and dance: "Excercise more, get out of the house more, lose weight, and come back to see me in a month. Oh, and I want to prescribe medication for you but I'm not that kind of doctor, I'd like you to see "that" doctor and get meds, but oh, they aren't available to see until July 15th. In the mean time... come back to see me on July 1st"!

He wrote a note for me to telecommute one day a week, so I don't have to do my normal 2 hours each way commute 5 days a week, now it's only 4 days a week.
Then I went to my "Sleep Study/CPAP appointment" in the afternoon and received my CPAP machine. Even though I have no definitive evidence of obstructive sleep apnea, but possible upper airway resistance syndrome.
Which means I snore, but I don't have sleep Apnea. So, I got the machine, took it home... and tried it out. Not bad. Quite a challenge getting used to breathing through my nose at night. It was o.k. I'll see how I feel after a week or so.

NOW... I come in today, the boss has sent me an email about "Can you ask your doctor to send me a letter regarding any considerations we should be making (if any) as your employer regarding health conditions"... and "Please get your work done during regular office hours. We will not be able to compensate you for overtime for hours worked outside of the normal workday".

Oh, have I mentioned they have doubled my work load in the last two months? They laid one person off and gave me all her work. Hmmmmm.... a little extra stress? I'm a LOT overwhelmed!

I've always been one of those "Exceeds Requirements" people.. but for the last year, I've been a "needs to improve" because of my lack of desire to get out of bed.

aaaaaaaagggggggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You've got a lot on your plate but I detect a wonderful sense of humor behind your words. It will stand you in good stead.

Oh Terri, it's a beginning and maybe he'll be able to help you. Sounds like you were honest with him.
Not at all fair what they did to you at work...can you document a complaint at HR or would that be a bad idea? (((Terri)))

Thank you for the Prayers! I so believe in Prayers! I've cut pieces of your message and left the pieces I wanted to comment on.

I understand that going through changes is a really difficult thing. I've been going through them for over Seven years now. I'm so tired of it. Honestly, I don't understand how you can "assure" me things will get better.

I understand I've outgrown my role as a "mother" and am now acting as a grandmother. I am also no longer a daughter, as I have no parents. I am also no longer a wife. Of course, I have only "really" been a wife for approximately 3 of my adult years, so that doesn't count. It's the "mother" part that hurts so much.

I understand I will find the true "me"... however, I don't understand how anything can be more rewarding or fulfilling than being a mother. Also, that my life will be "better than ever".. it's never been that great... honestly! I have always been a cheery person with a happy smile and a loving trusting nature... and people have always wondered how I keep it up with all the crap I have in my life. Finally, it's caught up to me. The parents that were idiots, the husbands that were jerks, raising kids alone, going to school and working, it's just drained all the 'nice' out of me.

REALITY CHECK: I live paycheck to paycheck... I can't save to move. I drive a 10 year old car and live in a 3 bedroom 1 bath house with my daughter, granddaughter and ex-husband. My other meth addicted daughter drops in from time to time to steal cigarettes from her dad and ask for money or food. I commute 2 hours each way to work. And I'm one more sick day away from losing my job. I have a degenerative neurological disease that causes me pain daily and makes it difficult to stand for more than 5 minutes at a time, I'm severely depressed, and I have no family members other than my children and ex-husband closer than 1000 miles away.

But, keep your chin up... things will get better, and hang in there! Hmmmmmm My glass is half empty today!

This is really the first time in my life I have said that. I'm just not feeling the "happy" any more!

Dear SeamsLike

Believe it or not your story is similar to very many people on this board.....and when people say 'things will get better'....and 'much better than they are now'...it can be hard to comprehend............

Life experience shows that when you’re at the bottom...there truly is only one way to go UP. [Theoretically that a better place to be than on the bottom...even if it’s an inch higher]

Over the last three months or so....my working role and home life have been conflicting with each other...

I work in a homeless hostel with young men who have offending backgrounds, drink and drug issues and or mental health problems... Whilst I’m at work I try to show them a path to follow that will create change in their life.
Then I go home to watch my eighteen year old son act just like those I left behind at work....[ though thank god he has not yet got involved with crime....he just wants to fight the world...including me]

My depressive ways make me irritable and frustrated that I cannot change the world as I would like too. But everyday I think I can.


At work I just do my job.....when the really stressful times pass.... I go inward and take a couple of days off when the main storms pass. Recently after a harrowing day at work, I returned to work after three days off, and spoke with a manager who suggested he had not been there for me [and other colleagues] in times of chaos and stress. He asked me if the company could do anything to help me cope better. I ASKED for an occupational health assessment.... I go in two weeks.............it will be my first chance [in theory] to explain how I feel holistically. I get angry and frustrated by having to meet impossible targets, depressed at what I see as political correctness, and physically ill because within my place of work I feel unsupported by those whom employee me. It has taken a friend of mine to take their own life for this company to now show signs they are concerned about the work forces mental health. Shame on them I say.

This all comes at a time during economic crisis...my wife finds out tomorrow if she is being made redundant or not....and I go through the same scenario next Tuesday when my company explain how they will restructure to save money this has been described as severe times.. Pay cuts/ redundancies/staffing restructure....[and I went through the same thing 4 years ago]

When will it all end? ..............who knows! We have a £150,000 mortgage! A job market that has hit rock bottom in this country...we have just had a budget from the government that will hurt the population for many years to come......but what choice do we have.....

Life is hard..at times its a blooming nightmare.....but you have HOPE IT WILL GET BETTER.....Without HOPE we have nothing..........hope is what gets us out of bed every day [like you I travel to work 90mins there 90mins back]

Hope is the one thing that no-one can TAX or deduct from your pay, Hope is the one thing that carries us through the darkest of times

H AND

O UT

P ROGRESSIVE

E NERGY

It will come back to you I promise
[Hope is a fundamental component of the life of the righteous (Proverbs 23:1


David

Great post David...very insightful...thank you!