NeuroTalk Support Groups - Terror + Resignation = ?

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- - Terror + Resignation = ? (https://www.neurotalk.org/survivors-of-suicide/131609-terror-resignation.html)

Glad you are seeing a top specialist - now you will be on the upside!

Quote:

Originally Posted by lebelvedere (Post 730017)

Hello, everyone: Just a quick note. I saw the top specialist on rare diseases. He fired a battery of questions at me that no other doctor ever asked and things that I had never thought about. He ordered 12 blood tests, plus a biopsy (he seemed worried about the itching and the sores it left) and a body scan. No new medications. Very, very firm but fair.

On another side

I found a song, "Going Home," which many of you will find meaningful. There are numerous versions of it on ebay http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9Chi...eature=related

At first glance, the song seems to be welcoming death. Friends back there waiting, etc. So, why mention it on a site like this?

The more I listened to it, the more I realized that it took the drama out of killing yourself. Self-murder makes no logical sense: after all, if life is meaningless, then how can death be meaningful? So, killing oneself must be meaningful on another level than logical. That other level is drama. If that is true, than removing drama from the act makes the act truly, finally meaningless and not worth doing. "Going Home," with its calm tones, may perform exactlly that removal. At least for some people.

Tom

Awesome voice...thanks for sharing Tom. Happy New Year my friend..fingers crossed on the new dr. :grouphug:

truly beautiful song Tom...........and im so pleased to hear hope in your words..............

i leave you a song my Father used to sing, in the style of this man Josef Locke......................i wish you a wonderful new year............Tom

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZRiHoGif24

David

Yep, a very fitting song. It and "Going Home" form a dynamic duo. Thanks for putting us on the track to it, David.

And now, despite it all, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Tom

Here's hoping this post gets through.. its my 3rd attempt. Hmm.. another lesson in patience?

Just wanted to introduce myself and thank YOU Tom and all for the strength, courage or whatever it took to listen..look and share here. Its most appreciated.

I am 61 years young.. on my way to the MS forum here.. one of many forums I particiapate in, when YOUR thread Tom DREW me here. Yes indeed. I recognize when I am spiritually lead.

I thank you.. and appreciate you... and are hoping for better..answers..and to tag along on your journey.. if you dont mind.

With that.. I am signing off.. to see if THIS post is accepted here.

Jan

AHA.. it worked..finally !! I am back..already. Hope you all don't mind.

PAIN..such a marvelous teacher...like it or not.. run, deny, hide..seek all and everything for relief.. ONLY.. to learn that its here for a reason. One thing, in YOUR pain Tom.. you were brought to us..and we to you.. look at ALL that has transpired across the everlasting boundaries of the internet.

Suicide, mental illness..mind/body connection.. so much to ponder. As a professional I was more than interested.. I wanted to give my patients HOPE..to see a way out.. to learn. Then to learn how many providers of help are in pain too...the pain of not knowing..not having the answers..not caring or suffering too. Suicide cannot be intellectualized perhaps..like anything senseless.. a murder..abuse...you can sometimes blow a fuse trying to figure it out. But in the "process" of trying.. we find our way to new ways of thinking.. and believing..if we are open to it.

Have you ever been to the doctors and they could explain the SOURCE of your illness..on a physical/psychic/spiritual level?? I think not. TEST it.. measure it.. write an RX or do surgery.. that they know. They need us to help them figure this out.. trust me.

So.. I am glad I was drawn here.. to stop awhile.. to "meet" you all.. and to thank you Tom for starting this thread..out of your own misery..and pain..look at ALL you are gaining.. WOW!!

Look at the unexpected that came from you opening a door..for us to come thorugh.. and BE present with you..wow..amazing..truly an inspiration.. and NOT a coincidence in my book. Suicide..(or illness) may not be understood on this plane..but afterwards..to be greeted warmly, openly with love..to be encouraged.. to learn.. again.. and again..and to think we get a little piece of that caring here...

I would be glad if you let me stay..awhile..

Warmly, Jan

Thank you (((Jan))) for so eloquently describing how blessed we are to be here.

Welcome.

:sing: Addy

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jan4you (Post 730709)

Hello, Jan, and welcome. You can stay anytime. Your words show you have both insight and experience -- a rare combination.

Like you, I think pain is there for a reason. Nature, the best doctor, is sending a signal: something's wrong. I hate just killing the pain with Lyrica; I know I am not solving the problem.

As for the SOURCE of the pain, I'm searching for it right now, with a rare disease specialist. I had 12 blood tests last week and will have a biopsy tomorrow. After that, a full body scan. X-rays show arthritis in the hips; not serious enough to operate, according to a specialist. The nerve damage doesn't seem to be spreading or becoming more intense -- "seems" because the Lyrica is masking the pain, so I can't be sure. The rare disease specialist ruled out Post Polio Syndrome, which he said is very rare and has symptoms that resemble a lot of things.

Thanks so much for your kind and savvy words, Jan. And ... keep on postin'. This forum has been a great source of comfort and strength to me, so if I have passed on some of it to you, Jan, or anybody else who has following this thread, I feel blessed indeed.

I must say, cuttng the dose of Lyrica from 150 to 100 mg per day immediately reduced suicidal thoughts. Everybody out there reading these words, please take not.

Tom

Thinking of you today Tom and sending positive thoughts for the biopsy..keep us posted. :hug:

Hello, Everybody: thank you for your notes; they mean a great deal to me. Just had 3 biopsies done, 2 on the skin, 1 on the inner lip. Blood test showed an excess of M antibodies; I think the doc is hitting this one hard. Strange: antibodies formed to fight a disease turn around and attack nerve fibers. I wonder if the excess wasn't caused by my allergies, hay fever, etc., that I've had all my life. If so, watch out, everyone with allergies. I'll keep you posted.