Originally Posted by lebelvedere

Hello, my name is Tom, and I am a proud new member of Neurotalk. I am 66years old. I used to be very active physically, in superb condition; for over a decade, 1989-2002, I worked out religiously in a gym for 3 hours, 3 days per week under the guidance of a former Olympic coach. One hour or so with weights (not heavy -- light, with repetitions), the rest with stretching. I felt great. Before that, from 1974-1986, I jogged 3 1/2 miles, 3 times per week. Terrible pains in the back of my knees forced me to stop. I learned some stretching exercises; the pain went away.

Around 2002, after coming home from the gym, I started having strange pains and weaknesses in my legs (they would suddenly start to double up; I never fell, but came close). I had polio at the age of 8, and spent a month in the hospital -- and years doing physcial rehab. I lived a very normal life. So, I figured I had post polio syndrome, and stopped the gym.

Weakness in both legs; incredible stiffness in the morning; tripping on carpets; difficulty swallowing -- all the usual stuff. My condition worsened. I am now essentially house-bound. Sure, I can go to the supermarket, etc., but I pay a terrible price at night, stiffness, soreness. I have all the classic symptoms of PPS, but also of ALS and others as well. I can't walk to the end of the street without being out of breath. Climbing stairs, well, I have to concentrate on what I'm doing.

I have seen three doctors, including a neurologist who gave me an EMG, and told me that he doesn't know what I have -- but that I have something serious. He is referring me to a rare disease specialist. He also put me on lyrica, which has masked 60% of the pain in my legs, but makes me feel exhausted. I live on the usual over-the-counter pain killers.

I attempted to take my life last year (overdose of StilNox, ambien) because I could feel my body being "boarded up." Beside an intermittent, bad burning pain in my right ankle, I have (sometimes) pains in the center of the palms of my hands: they are definitely neurological and surprised even the neurologist.

Whatever I have, I sense now that it cannot be cured, that I will be in a wheelchair in a few months. For a polio survivor, there is no worse outcome than to be handicapped and become a public charge. Thus, I would describe my present state of mind as a mixture of terror and resignation.

I caught myself last night thinking, "Thank God, there's death." I sense the end is approaching, and that there is no hope for me. Best to get it over with quickly.

My question to all of you out there: they say many diseases mimic PPS and ALS. What, specifically, are those diseases? Thanks ever so much for any information you can supply.

Originally Posted by rakeitha

Tom, death is not the answer to what ails us. We cannot help others nor ourselves by trying to take, what we think is, "the easy way out". You are still a young man being I'm 64 and have a lot of life still in me. Don't give into the words "old age", it's a mind thing. "As a man thinketh, so is he". I use to have very bad pains in my legs to the point of my right knee giving out on me. I am not one to take medication except once in a while an Excedrin. I found other alternatives to medicine. I changed my diet....when we reach a certain age there are some foods our body can no longer handle. I eat more fruits and vegetables now and have totally taken red meat out of my diet. I use to walk and exercise a lot, but I felt I over did it. I had to learn to balance life out, and learn to listen to my body. Your body tells you what it needs, believe it or not. I also (please don't think that I'm crazy, but) talked to my pain, because I believe we all have the power within to heal ourselves, we just have to change our thinking.
We never know what life will deal us, but we have to be prepare to deal with life and choose to change it around to benefit us to the best we can with whatever situation we face. I have observed so many people, old and young faced with horrific conditions, however they beat the odds by choosing to live their lives to the fullest in the condition they are dealing with, for instance Steven Hawking. Hawking has a neuro-muscular dystrophy that is related to amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, a condition that has progressed over the years and has left him almost completely paralysed, however his brain is still functioning and he is still teaching other people with what function he has left. He's looking at life with respect to it and choosing to 'live' it to best he can with what he has left of it. I hope you choose to live life to it's fullest and not shorten it, because you don't know what you mean to someone else in your life.
God bless you and keep talking and sharing with others.
....ask not what have you done for me lately, but what have I done for you lately... Rakeitha

Originally Posted by MelodyL

Rakeitha:

I am so glad you wrote what you did. I'm a big believer in putting good stuff in our bodies.

Thanks for writing what you did. When I first came on this thread and read the various postings, the first thing that popped into my head was Steven Hawking, a man stuck in a body that is practically frozen, but his mind is on a different level than all of us.

I don't know how he has lasted so long, but God Bless that man.

Mel

Originally Posted by MelodyL

Hi.

Honestly, from what you have written, I gather no one here can talk you out of doing what you are set on doing. I recently put up a thread on an amazing man with no arms and no legs (who also thought of suicide at the age of eight), because he didn't want to be a burden on his family.

That man is now an adult and he travels extensively as a motivational speaker helping THOUSANDS of the disabled and the non-disabled. He even made me laugh when he played music with his little flipper foot. He has SOME sense of humor.

He made the young people in the room, laugh and cry. He explained his way of thinking, his belief system (this is what I think got him to the point where he is today).

He found a purpose for his life. Not a reason for being disabled, but a purpose for his existence.

We all have purpose. Some don't find it until we are older than usual. But I think everyone has a purpose.

We just need to find what that purpose is and what we can do with it.

I wish you well on your journey to whatever you decide is in your best interest.

I can only hope it's to continue to exist, to reach out, to make someone smile, to give someone a compliment.

TO LIVE!!!

As Spock used to say

Live Long and Prosper!!

and yeah, I GREW UP ON STAR TREK!!! And I try to use humor every single day.

lol

Melody

Originally Posted by MelodyL

Hi.

I absolutely see your point. There is a MAJOR difference between having a terminal painful illness, and a teenager suffering angst and thinking "oh woe is me, she doesn't love me anymore, my life is meaningless" BIG DIFFERENCE.

It brings to mind a very good film by the name of Soylent Green. I don't know if you've heard of it, or seen it but it brings up what a person might be able to do (in a far distant future society), when Euthanasia might be legal.

In the film Edward G. Robinson is a very old, wise man who is helping Charlton Heston discover the secret of WHAT IS SOYLENT GREEN?

But in the film, there is this big building where people can go and take that journey that they are determined to take.

It's probably up on youtube.

The way they explain it is that the elderly or the terminally ill, can walk into a center and they can achieve their goals in a beautiful, peaceful, pain-free manner.

I was always moved by the scene where Charlton Heston arrives just in time to be with Edward G. Robinson as he exits his existence. I remember saying 'I wonder if our world will ever allow this to happen".

Of course, this does not exist at present. Perhaps some other countries have this,but I've never heard of it.

I don't think people who have a religion, well I don't believe ANY religion would condone this kind of ending.

Maybe SOME DAY down the road, this might happen, but in our present society we have pain meds, hospice and whatever we need to do.

Just know, whatever you do decide to do, I wish you God speed.

You sound like a brilliant man who has given this a lot of thought.

What's my purpose in life at the moment? To keep reading posts and continue to learn.

I have learned more since I hit 60 than I EVER learned when I was younger.

I'm like a completely different human being and my brain is like a little sponge and I want to absorb everything.

I'm not religious whatsoever but I am spiritual. I believe in positive energy and not in negative energy.

So keep posting, you have much to teach us.

Melody