Actually I find you quite upbeat and pleasant (something that can NEVER be said about my son).

You have a sense of humor and YOU WORK. I'm proud of you.

Just wanted to say that.



I never, in all my born days, thought I would EVER be on a suicide message board, telling ANYONE that I was proud of them.

If that doesn't take the cake, I don't know what does.

lol

Melody

Well, I wouldn't describe myself as upbeat, and I work, but I certainly don't want to. Every day it takes all of my effort to try while at work, and sometimes I'm not able to muster the ambition to try my hardest. I don't know how I'd be able to stand working for another 40 years (or more).

Hey lonley1.... I've had a busy week so am crazily catching up with things in our forum here... wow, some mind provoking interaction to say the least....

and I'm happy to see you back! It can really be difficult to get used to ear plugs but over the years, I've found they do work... and speaking of work... for the most part, I hate it, too... and I'm 56!... in my perfect world, I would not work ... it isn't stimulating enough for me and I really don't enjoy difficult, stupid people... I work in retail. I enjoy challenge and creativity and there are times in my work that I can put use those talents... but for the most part, its a boring necessity.

Another thing you might try to lull you to sleep is a fan.

Anyway, my friend... glad you're back with us!

That is smacking myself on the head Shawn (formally known as Steve) because there is already a Steve that has been missing in action around here..ty for remembering that!

Mr.Alffe & I went to an interesting presentation last night and part of it was specific to lonliness so of course I thought about you. *grin The speaker stressed that lonliness is a common experience and is something that can be changed. He said it's neither a permanent state nor "bad" in itself. Said it's an indicator of important needs that aren't being met.
(like I needed to tell you that!)

I hope you are sleeping like a baby.

Hi,

I once read that you can be standing in a room filled with people and still be the loneliest person in that room.

It's a state of mind. If you don't like your job, could you ever think of changing professions?. I don't know what you do, but perhaps you could find something more stimulating?

Perhaps you could go to a singles gathering and meet a nice gal? Don't laugh, it happens. I know we have a different world we have today than existed in my generation, BUT CHEMISTRY IS STILL CHEMISTRY, and you just might find yourself in a place and there's an interesting person standing on the other side of the room that might be nice.

You start talking and WOW, all of a sudden you find yourself having a conversation.

I was never the socially oriented person that I am today. When I was younger I was extremely overweight, I stuttered and my family didn't particularly like me. I embarrassed them.

But you should see me now. I can get up and talk in front of people. Never thought in all my life, I would get up and address a support group meeting. I bring muffins to these muffins. Everyone calls them "Melody's Muffins", and god forbid I don't bring them, every goes "Where's Melody's Muffins"??

I think we get in life what we put into life. I really do. Of course I didn't think this way when I was younger. Who thinks this way? We don't have the maturity to handle certain situations. We concentrate on ourselves.

I learned to NOT concentrate on myself. I learned social etiquette. I learned that what was on my mind, should not automatically be on my lips.

This takes maturity. I really don't think it comes naturally to everybody.

I learned this from my own father. I once watched him speak to a refrigerator repair man. I was in Florida visiting my parents, and the refrigerator was acting up. I was 24 years old, thought I knew everything and I later found out I knew NOTHING.

The repair man, did his job, my father tipped him, shook his hand, walked him to the door, gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder and thanked him for his good work.

I remember asking my father "why did you thank him and tip him, you are under warranty, he's doing his job".

My father sat me down and said "listen to me, courtesy is for EVERYBODY, I know that this job was covered under my warranty, but everybody wants to be appreciated for the work that they do". "It's called RESPECT".

Believe me I remember that conversation and it's almost 40 years later. I learned from my father how to treat other people.

I had a lot of growing up to do.

We are not born with the grace and wisdom and knowledge of how to treat other people. No one is better than anyone. I have come to know this. I did not know this when I was young.

I had worked since the age of 13. I remember when I was 20 or so, it was snowing outside, I had warm clothes, boots on, I was perfectly fine, but I complained all the way to work saying "why do I have to work, why can't my parents support me"?. I was an idiot.

I remember thinking like this. If I could go back I would shake myself and say "be grateful that you had a job, that you learned skills, that you learned to speak 5 languages on that job, that your boss once told you that he was going to call you and you had to read a telex (before there were faxes, there were Telexes) in German (and I didn't speak German), and I'll never forget when I had to dictate a complete message in German over the phone to the president of the company, and I had NO IDEA what was coming out of my mouth, and the boss laughed his head off over the phone saying "Melody you pronounced that perfectly, I understood every single thing you said". I felt great.

That was the beginning of my love for languages. I learned other languages, I learned how to communicate with people in other languages.

I now live in an area where Italian is the major language, but arabic, and chinese are spoken. English of course is my original language, Italian is my second because I'm Italian. French is my third and all the others are my 4th, 5th and 6th.

I have learned to go and order breakfast in many languages and the people understand me.

This morning I met a bulgarian man who taught me how to say Thank You in Bulgarian. That's a new language for me. I'll probably never learn it but it was interesting.

That's the key. You have to find stuff that interests you. THAT REALLY INTERESTS YOU!!!

I find stuff every single day. My mind is still like a sponge, absorbing everything around me.

My son once told me "you look at the glass as half full, I will always look at the glass as half empty.

I hope I will always look at the glass as half full.

Not trying to preach, just trying to share.

And I owe this ALL to my father's lesson in courtesy.

Melody

Hi Melody! Welcome. I find you so refreshing and inspiring... I hope you stay around for awhile.

I totally agree with this, for you it is a love for language, but it's different for all of us!

lonely, working is never fun if it isn't what you want to do. that's why it's best to find a job with something you enjoy doing... right now, I don't have that either so it's hard to wake up in the mornings for me too. But we can only hope that one day.... it'll happen.

Hi.

You are very kind.

Thanks much.

Melody
P.S. Want to hear how strange life is? Five minutes ago, I get a phone call from a complete stranger to me, who is related to me. She was my father's first cousin. Never met her. She's 85 years old. So I pick up the phone, say hello, and I hear this gentle older woman say:"Is this Melody?" and I said "yes, may I ask who this is?" and she explained who she is. I had a beautiful conversation with my father's first cousin and she's trying to connect with other relatives".

She has no computer but she loves the phone. So guess what I'll be doing in the next 10 minutes? Tracking down my father's relatives who do email and giving them this dear lady's phone number. We had a nice chat. She brought me back in time to 70 years ago and she knew my mother, my father of course, my grandparents, she told me of things long gone by, when she and my mother used to sneak into a room and smoke their brains out. Holy Cow, what a completely fascinating experience it was talking to her.
I am now going to contact other family members so this dear lady can get some phone calls.

Again, thanks for the kind words.
melody

Melody, you are, indeed, inspirational!

When I was younger I suffered from very painful shyness so much so that my heart would almost beat out of my chest (they label this anxiety in this day and age)... and what brought me out was SINGING! I eventually grew to have the courage to sing solos in front of sold-out audiences!

I'm 56 now... and although people's disrespectful and rude behaviour often takes me back... I'm able to bury my anger. I know that's not healthy and it still eats me up when I think about things later... with all the shoulda, coulda, woulda done thoughts... but now my meds have helped me let it go.

Lonely1... take heart... you WILL change and grow as you realize your glass is half FULL, too.... hanging out with us is a good thing

Addy

Addy:

EXCELLENT POST!!!

I'd like to add what I have found extremely helpful. To put ourselves in another's shoes for even one minute is an extremely helpful tool. Before I open my mouth, I often reflect and say "how would I react if someone said that to ME??"

Sometimes I then rearrange what I was going to say in the first place. After a while, one gets used to knowing how to react (let's say to an unkind comment, etc.).

I have learned (when someone says a back-handed compliment such as "yeah, I see you lost weight and you think your healthy, but really, you looked MUCH better before you lost all that weight". And the person saying this is over 300 lbs, on 20 meds a day for various stuff, and no one even asked for their opinion.

Want to know a good retort that stops people in their tracks?

Look them dead in the eye, lower your voice and say "Why on earth would you say such a thing to me"?

Then be quiet. You have no idea the look that comes over their face. See, they never thought before they opened their mouth. They thought they had the right to say whatever they wanted and probably didn't know how to word it, and out popped something COMPLETELY inappropriate.

I have done this many times.

People are rude, cruel and thoughtless and they feel they have the right (and I still can't fathom why this is), they think they have the right to tell you what they think is wrong with you.

I once told the members of the support group meeting "do an experiment before the next meeting, and we'll discuss what happens"

When you pass someone in the street over the age of 70, and it's obvious that they took the time to make themselves look presentable, as you pass them, simply say "wow, that is a beautiful blouse" or something like 'Great hairdo, mind if I ask where you got it done".

You have no idea how this makes people beam!!! It is so nice to see a face come alive with a smile that was not there a few minutes ago.

And I got great tips on where to buy nice blouses and get my hair done.

People are really nice, once they have the opportunity to shine.

Melody

P.S. The absolute best is when I see a daddy and his baby and I go "oh my god, he is all YOU". Such smiles!!!

Melody (love your name!): you are an Angel in disquise! May you continue to spread your love and blessings wherever you go!
Addy