[Free Kittens]

Hi Pooh

How is the vacation going?

Free Kittens

[pooh_ac]

Well I am still here abouts. Many upsetting events have occured, My FIL had a stroke, my saftey persons father passed away and my shrink is not returning my texts or calls

[Free Kittens]

Pooh

I am so sorry. Is there anything we can post about here that will help?

Free Kittens

[Alffe]

I'm sorry pooh, this won't help but can't hurt. (((Pooh)))

[barbo]

Thinking about you Pooh!

[pooh_ac]

I appreciate all the kindness and caring. I called my shrinks office and was told I would have to just keep texting her and she would "eventually" get back to me. I am trying to get into another office but as many of you know that is almost impossible to get into a "good" shrink. So in June the new office "worked me into" an "early" appt in September. Since that time my request for that day off has been denied due to procedures that are scheduled for that day. I tried to quit surgery but was promised changes in my floor hours so I relented to continue as I was. HOWEVER in the meantime we are even shorter of nurses and there seems to be a "nonpublised" manditory overtime policy. Meaning they keep calling you or assigning extra shifts on the floor. I flatly refused to work last weekend and it was the first weekend in July that I did not work one or both days. This old body tries very hard to do what I can and with my RSD even working on the floor and surgery is a major miracle. But I keep pushing and it does push back! Sometimes in weird ways. My newest symptoms are muscle spasams. The med my pain doc gave me seems to leave me "hungover" in the am if I take the whole dose so I have been taking only 1/2 the dose prescribed, unless I do not have to work the next am.
Well I have to go do something useful

[Free Kittens]

Pooh

I know what you mean about hosp[ital work (I did it for years). It just plain sucks.

I think you need to do something simply decadent for yourself....hmn....how about a trip to the nearest expensive chocolate shop? New bubbles for the bath and a loooong soak?

Hang in there until your next Grand Day
Free Kittens

[tied]

Just sending hugs. Way too tired to stay up.

[pooh_ac]

Thanks to all for the kind thoughts, prayers and HUGZ. I do truelly appreciate all of it. I have one hand hanging onto a root to keep me from falling deeper into the pit. The dogs are clamering for my soul and I am just SO damm tired of fighting. I see no purpose to continue to suffer. There are others who are far younger, just as if not more able to do what I do daily both IRL, on the ranch and at work. I have tried so hard to reach my shrink, I think I was going to try her at home tonight, but I am not up to the effort. I went to see my PCP (primary care provider) about a new and different pain that has plagued me for the last 1 1/2 weeks. Did the recommended test for what he was sure was going on with me but once again "tests were within normal range" I knew this before he reviewed them with me due to his stalling. This man has truely saved my life in the past by being my contract person, the person you promise to call before you harm yourself. His father died recently and I feel that if I fufill my promise that it may push him over the edge. No far better to break the promise, make sure things look to be accidental, double the life ins, nobody is wiser and those around go on....

[Alffe]

If Pter were here dear Pooh, he would tell you this,

"You are rescuing yourself daily, hourly, every few minutes. Each thought envokes a physiological reaction with the end result being exhaustion. Befriend this thought. Treat it as you would the child who ran into the pathway of cars. Hold it, talk to it, teach it that there is another way to walk the roads of life. Post it here and allow others to comfort it. Do not be ashamed of it. What is it really but a thought that wants attention. Understand now, I did not say a PERSON who wants attention but a THOUGHT that wants attention from that person. It is the fight against the thought that tires us and makes us vulnerable to enactment of the thought.

I cannot give you a reason to live. I can, however, take away your reason for dying. An untrained unaccepted thought is not justification for death."

He fought the depression beast on a daily basis, as you are doing. It takes great courage to continue this fight and we all know that you are up to the challenge...I am not minimizing the difficulty...I just want you to know that we are here to catch you if you fall. Hang tough..you are loved.