[Alffe]

Without your knowledge or permission, you have been inducted into a terrible and unique club. It is an exclusive club any one of us would pay untold amounts to have never taken membership in.

You are a survivor of suicide. Your relationship to the person who suicided is of little consequence. Whether your loss involved a husband or wife, son or daughter, father or mother, brother or sister, aunt uncle, or friend or whether you loved or hated the person is inconsequential. If there was an emotional relationship, or bonding, you have to deal with issues surrounding the suicide.

Your dues in this club have been paid for with the suicide. In dealing with this death, you have some specific rights and responsibilities.

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This is a portion of an excellent article from a July 00 issue of the SOS newsletter of Dane County. Mark Mitchell author.


I often post articles from this wonderful resource..it has been a great source of comfort to me over these many years. It is a quarterly publication of the Mental Health Center there.
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[Alffe]

We Remember Them
In the rising of the sun and in its going down,

we remember them.

In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter,

we remember them.

In the opening of buds and in the rebirth of spring,

we remember them.

In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer,

we remember them.

In the rustling of leaves and in the beauty of autumn,

we remember them.

In the beginning of the year and when it ends,

we remember them.

When we are weary and in need of strength,

we remember them.

When we are lost and sick at heart,

we remember them.

When we have joys we yearn to share,

we remember them.

So long as we live, they too shall live,

for they are now a part of us, as

we remember them.

(Jewish Prayer)

[Alffe]

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/suicide/MH00048


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[Alffe]

The Dividing Line
by Jeanne Moren (Adams)

I have quoted many of her articles from the SOS newsletters I have been getting for years. (with her permission) She has now compiled these "chapters" into a book called The Dividing Line. And typical of Jeanne, copies are available to survivors at no charge with the hope that readers who request the book will respond with a tax deductible gift to the SOS program.

Here is a sample from the first chapter:

The Dividing Line

All of our lives are punctuated with events of special recall. Some good, some bad but I know that for me, and for many other survivors, the sudden shock of a suicide becomes the dividing line of our lives. We talk about life "before the suicide" and "after the suicide" as if there were an indelible demarcation in time.

http://www.mhcdc.org/Resources/SOS/TheDividingLine.html

[Alffe]

Forgiving Them/Forgiving Ourselves

"Survivors will always cry for the missed chance, for the waste of potential, for the hindsight that proves so illuminating now that it is too late. I will always be filled with regret, I will always wish for a happy ending. But I am the keeper of his memory and so I must be whole. I must accept that I could not have stopped him from doing what he desired, that I could not have altered time.

Have I forgiven him? I forgive him many times a day. And what about myself? When the pain of remorse assaults me, I remember that I loved him very much. I also remember some wise advice: I turn around and walk away, but this time from my own guilt and shame. As I begin not only to move on but also to grown and flourish, I am aware I will be forgiving both him and myself continually for the rest of my life."

Quoted loosely from No Time to Say Goodbye by Carla Fine